Author Topic: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...  (Read 13821 times)

Overcomer

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2007, 07:57:31 PM »
I read this and for the most part it is right on.  But isn't it amazing that my nmom could read this and not see herself?  Because the examples are not exact..........they wouldn't apply.  Like I have said before in a lot of threads.....................my nmom gets her ego fed in other ways...............she hides behind altruism.......anyway, her status is what is very important.....................she has to be well known, wll thought of, and always right, because afterall, she has to be wise because she made a lot of money.
Kelly

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Bones

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2007, 02:30:16 PM »
"Narcissistic mothers also abuse by loosing others on you or by failing to protect you when a normal mother would have. Sometimes the narcissist’s golden child will be encouraged to abuse the scapegoat. Narcissists also abuse by exposing you to violence. If one of your siblings got beaten, she made sure you saw. She effortlessly put the fear of Mom into you, without raising a hand."

This triggers one of the most painful memories yet!

My Nmom was dating a pedaphile and she KNEW what he was up to!  She even attempted to justify it by stating:  "All children are naturally whores so they deserve what they get when they are raped!"  At one point, when Nmom went to church and she knew I was home alone, he got in the house and came after me!  I managed to fight him off and call the police.  She admitted to me afterwards that she KNEW he had threatened to rape me and she GAVE HIM THE HOUSE KEY AND DARED HIM TO DO IT!!!!  Then she attempted to tell me, while I was dealing with the police, that she "didn't believe he would actually do it" and "after all he was drunk"!  (It sounded like she was trying to make excuses about him to the police.)  When the trial date was set, she attempted to beat me down and force me to drop the charges against him because she "didn't want to lose him"!  She totally ignored the fact that other child victims were coming forward and telling their stories about this !@#$!

God, how I HATE her!!!!

Bones 

DivineSunshine

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #17 on: January 29, 2007, 04:19:39 PM »
Uh........God, Bones, I am so sorry for that happening to you!  She should be ______________!!!!  Insert your own fate of choice here! 

That is unbelievable and completely wrong!  What a selfish woman!  Please tell me you don't have anything to do with her now.  She doesn't deserve it!

There were so many items on that list that triggered crap for me when I first read it and something new comes whenever I read it again.  It hurts, but then, at least you realize that it wasn't just you, this people do exist for others and we can share our stories and overcome.

I can actually insert the name or gender of the N's in my life and it fits for anybody I think about as I read it.  Disgusting really.  But helpful, I hope.

Take care of you---you need lots of hugs, a drink, and maybe a bubble bath?   8)

((((((((((Bones))))))))))))

¨`·.·´¨) from
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) my
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´heart
`·.¸.·´ to
yours!

Sunny

DivineSunshine

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2007, 05:14:32 PM »
Leah--

More on the Grandmother/Grandson issue....

My N MIL and N mother, coincidentally, BOTH have 5 boys and 2 girls EACH.  Each of them manifest their Nism in complete opposite ways, with the exception of their BOYS!!! 

The girls were ingnored and chastised unbelievably growing up and still are!  The boys can do NO WRONG!  My older brothers were so attached to "mommy" and afraid too, that they hardly dated and married quite late in life.  MIL still leads her boys around by a ring in their nose---one of those is my husband---who I think gets all her troubles, the rest of her boys get her as their buddy!  To the utter dismay of their wives, I know.  I is sooooo sick!!!  This woman who abandoned them and allowed them to be beat by their father constantly.  Course then she can always point at the father and say HE was the bad guy for having a temper after she pushed ALL his buttons with her Nism until her blew. 

And----to the utter dismay of my N H-----she has her favorite grandsons----who can do no wrong.  This makes my H crazy!  (Cause HE is her one and only----doesn't she SEE that???---[tongue-in-cheek])  So in that way I find it funny!   I won't let her near my boys!!!  Ages  8 and 2!   I don't have to worry too much though, she has enough little male slave grandson and boys for now and will leave them alone cause she knows I won't take her crap!  She completely ignores my 4 daughters!  Can't be bothered.  But that is OK too! :P

Weird stuff!

Take care----leah--you re not alone!   This is happening out there!  Your feelings are not unreasonable!   And appreciated!  I didn't even realized the grandson thing until you said something!!!

¨`·.·´¨) from
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) my
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´heart
`·.¸.·´ to
yours!

Sunny






Bones

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2007, 05:49:57 PM »
Uh........God, Bones, I am so sorry for that happening to you!  She should be ______________!!!!  Insert your own fate of choice here! 

That is unbelievable and completely wrong!  What a selfish woman!  Please tell me you don't have anything to do with her now.  She doesn't deserve it!

There were so many items on that list that triggered crap for me when I first read it and something new comes whenever I read it again.  It hurts, but then, at least you realize that it wasn't just you, this people do exist for others and we can share our stories and overcome.

I can actually insert the name or gender of the N's in my life and it fits for anybody I think about as I read it.  Disgusting really.  But helpful, I hope.

Take care of you---you need lots of hugs, a drink, and maybe a bubble bath?   8)

((((((((((Bones))))))))))))

¨`·.·´¨) from
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) my
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´heart
`·.¸.·´ to
yours!

Sunny

Thanks, Sunny!

She's is now dead and rotting in hell!

Bones

DivineSunshine

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #20 on: January 30, 2007, 03:44:29 PM »
Continuing frustrations on this matter....

In my initial post, I wrote about telling my N MIL that it was like she and my N H were married, and I was their mother.

So, after N H breaks down all over me yesterday (wanting to die, blah, blah, blah) and I "play mother" and console him.  He calls me later to say thanks (for being his supply) :?, but he still can't believe NO ONE will help him!!!  Short memory, I guess.  He keeps saying that because he wants me to go and earn the money too, as well as taking care of him, the kids, and the house full-time.  My T said, I do ENOUGH!  He has to pull his weight.  I have to agree.  Besides, WORKING with him too?  Him as my boss and mentor???  No thanks.  I'll work somewhere else, but not with him!  I can barely handle him now when he is home.

Anyway, I told him last nightI was sorry I yelled at his mother, but she should not have been in our home and what was happening between us was none of her business.  I am very tactful about this conversation and try to see if he will reason or admit that she has/does lie to everyone (which she bold-faced denied about when I confronted her) & she has lent him money only to maintain control over him.  Her lending money and giving her OK for outrageous investment schemes which I protested to, has left us jumping from frying pan to fire and back to frying pan again for years.  And yet all she does is make him cater to her every wish...because as both HE and SHE claim....."she has done so much for us!".  Bullsh**!!!!

Her enabling him has only made crap worse. Not to mention, she keeps him so occupied he hardly has time or energy left to make a living.  So she lends him more.  And gets more control.  It's really sick. 

Among many other things, this woman regularly abandoned her 7 kids as children after and during her multiple marriages and divorces.  And left them to fend for themselves.  One actually almost died because she left them home alone one night ( out partying) and a camper they were playing  in, exploded....SEVERELY burning one daughter and nearly killing her.  She still wears those scars on much of her body and went through multiple surgeries for years and pain and heartache.  And do you think anyone will say that she could have prevented that?  NOPE.  Especially my H.  She can do NO WRONG.  I can not figure this OUT!!  SO SICK!  He defends her if I say anything, or he just ignores me, or changes the subject.  So I usually don't.

I want to give him an ultimatim, but he will just use anything I say against me.  After all,  "what kind of person would make someone choose to 'abandon' their own mother?"

Sheesh.  Can't win---can't cope---can't even reason with him. 

 And she just carries on pretending to be "oooh...so CARING---I just wanna HELP!"

She was a drama major so she is VERY good at snowing everyone.  And the good news is...he just moved her within 3 miles of us.  (At least before she was 20 miles away.)  And then, he spent money he borrowed from somewhere else "renovating" her 3 year old home!  To the tune of 25 Thousand dollars!!  Not only did he finance the home, he spent everything and all his time there "helping" her for the last 6 months.  Now he is out of resources again, and he turns to me to dump on about it!  Like I don't know he spent everything on her?----I am the one trying to budget what is left for our 6 kids and food (the basics) after he helps HER---because----and here we go again----"She has done sooooo much for us!".   Geez, I oughtta just tape record it and play it whenever he starts to say it.   :?

She actually had the nerve to tell me she had been going without and suffering too!  Oh?  Is that why you are out of town vacationing and playing around 9 months out of every year for the last 20 years?  Going anywhere you want and doing anything you want?  Usually with some allowance money from---well, you know who---Her baby boy!  'Cause we OWE her you know!

But if one of her kids asks for a favor or to attend one of the many grandkids events at school-----"oh dear, she is just not feeeeeling weeelllll today------she had better rest!" 
***********************
Wow---off on a tirade there!  Back to the conversation last night with husband about her that I tried to start.  Forget it.  He just ignored me.  Pretended I didn't say anything at all--just kept whining about how he needs some help and support.  In fact, come to think of it, he DEFENDED her!  "He doesn't want me to have any bad feelings for her!" 

Yeah right---tooooo late!

Peace?  and Namaste,

Sunny

Thanks for the space to rant!   :) :)

DivineSunshine

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #21 on: February 02, 2007, 04:05:50 PM »
Since I am trying to keep a little record of events here in a safe place.  I just wanted to add a new event in the emotional "incest" situation between my NH and N MIL. 

We get a call 2 nights ago to find out she has checked herself into an emergency room for stomach pains.  She always claims to be in pain when she wants to get out of something or wants more attention, but has never tried the ER before!

But never before has her son, (my H) started to pull away from her like the last few weeks since I yelled at both of them about their sick relationship.

And even weirder---my H has been complaining non-stop about severe stomach pains since then as well.  If the connection between mind-body-emotions holds any truth to it, it is my understanding that stomach pain has to do with mother/child relationship issues.   :shock:  Weird stuff for some, but it is working like clockwork around here.  I seem to have triggered both of them to have severe withdrawal from each other and they can't handle it.  Poor things!

(I help him through his pain and care for him, as much as I would like to smack him :x)

I oughtta just put him on her front porch with his junk and wish them a happy life together.   Wish I could most of the time.  Someday!

hmmmmm.....vellllly intelllllllllesting......


Sunny

DivineSunshine

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #22 on: February 02, 2007, 06:41:41 PM »
Leah,

Oh, dear, that reminds me of going through ALL my pregnancies and listening to him whine about this and that.  And not lift a finger to help or comfort me.  As well as allowing me to get up with the children EVERY night and then have the nerve to complain about not sleeping well.  And expect for me to get up when he did and stay awake until all hours of the night to keep him company.  Never seemed to even notice the utter lack of rest I got every night.  Didn't even seem to cross his mind!

He actually complained about where he was laying down to rest overnight (it was making his back hurt) while I was in labor next to him at the hospital.  I KNOW those weren't sympathy pains, just complete selfishness!

What could his toothache during pregnancy mean?  Any ideas?  This stuff fascinates me although is isn't much about Nism as it may be about life in general.  Dunno.

Namaste,

Sunny

debkor

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #23 on: February 02, 2007, 07:47:10 PM »
Bones,


Oh my God, I am so very sorry that happened to you   so very sorry. 
I have a friend who survived a very abusive step mom.  She would beat her to a pulp if she got bad grades.  She was only in the 7th or 8th grade at the time. She had told her teacher that she was beat and please to not give her bad grades. He didn’t but she had to do something for him. Yes, sex.  She did. Her dad would just walk out of the house when her step mom would go off on her.  She had asked her teacher when she got to high school would he stop and he agreed.  It did (with her).  There was an investigation later on and the police found pictures of many children.  They asked my friend to wear a wire and set him up.  She did. He went to jail for a very long time.   She had told me through the trial her step mom sat with her and was very supportive and held her hand. 
 
Freaking Monsters.  Who says there is no such thing as the boogey man. 

Deb

Stormchild

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #24 on: February 02, 2007, 09:48:53 PM »
Bones:

MOTHER

MONSTER

You ended up with the second one.
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

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seastorm

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #25 on: February 02, 2007, 09:50:24 PM »
Bones ))))))))))

I am so sorry that your mother was so horrible to you. What she did was monstrous.

Words fail me.  I just wish for you all the healing that you need.

God Bless You.

Sea storm

Hopalong

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #26 on: February 02, 2007, 10:41:43 PM »
Me too, ((((((((Bones)))))))))).

I'm so very sorry. You deserve/d care and nurturing and kindness.
I hope you'll spend the rest of your life learning to love YOU.

 :(

Hops
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axa

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #27 on: February 03, 2007, 05:24:02 AM »
Bones,

I am so sorry for what you as a sweet innocent child was exposed to.  I hear you, I see you,


Axa

moonlight52

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #28 on: February 03, 2007, 05:30:55 AM »
Golly Bones I am sorry too

(((((((((((()))))))))

Blessings to you

moon

Leah

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Re: NMother-Son Emotional Incest? Eeww...
« Reply #29 on: February 03, 2007, 07:03:00 AM »
Bones,

Your female parent has not earned the right to be called a mother, a mother is one in whom you can place your innocent trust.

Oh Bones, you have suffered the worst kind of betrayal, from the one who should have nurtured, cared, and protected you.

As Hops says,  "You deserve/d care and nurturing and kindness.
I hope you'll spend the rest of your life learning to love YOU".

And I hope so too.

God Bless you.

Leah
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

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