Continuing frustrations on this matter....
In my initial post, I wrote about telling my N MIL that it was like she and my N H were married, and I was their mother.
So, after N H breaks down all over me yesterday (wanting to die, blah, blah, blah) and I "play mother" and console him. He calls me later to say thanks (for being his supply)
, but he still can't believe NO ONE will
help him!!! Short memory, I guess. He keeps saying that because he wants
me to go and earn the money too, as well as taking care of him, the kids, and the house full-time. My T said, I do ENOUGH! He has to pull his weight. I have to agree. Besides, WORKING with him too? Him as my boss and mentor??? No thanks. I'll work somewhere else, but not with him! I can barely handle him now when he is home.
Anyway, I told him last nightI was sorry I yelled at his mother, but she should not have been in our home and what was happening between us was none of her business. I am very tactful about this conversation and try to see if he will reason or admit that she has/does lie to everyone (which she bold-faced denied about when I confronted her) & she has lent him money only to maintain control over him. Her lending money and giving her OK for outrageous investment schemes which I protested to, has left us jumping from frying pan to fire and back to frying pan again for years. And yet all she does is make him cater to her every wish...because as both HE and SHE claim.....
"she has done so much for us!". Bullsh**!!!!
Her enabling him has only made crap worse. Not to mention, she keeps him so occupied he hardly has time or energy left to make a living. So she lends him more. And gets more control. It's really sick.
Among many other things, this woman regularly abandoned her 7 kids as children after and during her multiple marriages and divorces. And left them to fend for themselves. One actually almost died because she left them home alone one night ( out partying) and a camper they were playing in, exploded....SEVERELY burning one daughter and nearly killing her. She still wears those scars on much of her body and went through multiple surgeries for years and pain and heartache. And do you think anyone will say that she could have prevented that? NOPE. Especially my H. She can do NO WRONG. I can not figure this OUT!! SO SICK! He defends her if I say anything, or he just ignores me, or changes the subject. So I usually don't.
I want to give him an ultimatim, but he will just use anything I say against me. After all, "what kind of person would make someone choose to 'abandon' their own mother?"
Sheesh. Can't win---can't cope---can't even reason with him.
And she just carries on pretending to be "oooh...so CARING---I just wanna HELP!"
She was a drama major so she is VERY good at snowing everyone. And the
good news is...he just moved her within 3 miles of us. (At least before she was 20 miles away.) And then, he spent money he borrowed from somewhere else "renovating" her
3 year old home! To the tune of 25 Thousand dollars!! Not only did he finance the home, he spent everything and all his time there "helping" her for the last 6 months. Now he is out of resources again, and he turns to me to dump on about it! Like I don't know he spent everything on her?----I am the one trying to budget what is left for our 6 kids and food (the basics) after he helps HER---because----and here we go again----
"She has done sooooo much for us!". Geez, I oughtta just tape record it and play it whenever he starts to say it.
She actually had the nerve to tell me she had been going without and suffering too! Oh? Is that why you are out of town vacationing and playing around 9 months out of every year for the last 20 years? Going anywhere you want and doing anything you want? Usually with some allowance money from---well, you know who---Her baby boy! 'Cause we OWE her you know!
But if one of her kids asks for a favor or to attend one of the many grandkids events at school-----"oh dear, she is just not feeeeeling weeelllll today------she had
better rest!"
***********************
Wow---off on a tirade there! Back to the conversation last night with husband about her that I tried to start. Forget it. He just ignored me. Pretended I didn't say anything at all--just kept whining about how he needs some help and support. In fact, come to think of it, he DEFENDED her! "He doesn't want me to have any bad feelings for her!"
Yeah right---tooooo late!
Peace? and Namaste,
Sunny
Thanks for the space to rant!
