Ns who refuse to work

[Dazed1]

What is it about Ns who refuse to work?

Axa, Seastorm & CB have each experienced this phenom and wound up financially supporting their Ns.

Why?

Are these Ns too grandios to work?

They feel entitled?

Want to be taken care of?

Con Men/Women?

Can't hold a job?

Too mentally ill to work?

Lazy?

My N sister can't hold a job and refuses to work,  She has a master's degree and loads of opportunity.  But she could not even hold a job at the GAP where workplace politics and not getting along with superviser got her fired after 2 months.  That was 10 years ago.  Now,  I support her.  My mom used to support her, now I've inherited that job.

Mom used to say "if I didn't support her, she'd be walking around with her arse hanging out".

It's a yucky situation because I'm financially interwoven with N Sister and I resent the fact that I'm working to support her.  I have very little respect for her since she can't financially function.

She spends her days on the internet sending emails.  She really does nothing, but when I speak to her, she's always "very busy" going through her "papers".

What's going on here?

Thanks,
dazed

[mudpuppy]

I spent fifteen long years doing 95% of the work and making half the money. What a dope I was.

Many of them are not just emotional leaches they are leaches from tail to sucker and will extract any and all attributes from others if possible.

I also think the ones who don't work are, in their heart, constantly afraid of failing so they either don't do anything or they try to take over as puppet masters, directing others to do the work. This way if there are any failures they can blame the saps who didn't carry out his highness' orders properly. There always has to be a fallguy.

Plus the essence of Nism is they're entitled. If you're entitled, why should you have to work? That's for the peons in their lives whose only duty is to serve.

mud

[DivineSunshine]

Dazed1,

My favorite N hates to work---would rather borrow than work for money, when working would actually be eaisier.

Yaah, he goes out "to work", but doesn't do much.  Lots of busy work on the computer too.  At home office and away office.  I swear, he can take all day just to go and get a box of paperclips at the office store.  One of the reasons I refuse to work with him.  He lies to borrow money which I will have no part of. And they drags his feet and wastes time the rest of the day.

Any clients he has fall into his lap, and then all he does is complain because they actually expect him to DO something for his commission! 

He can't work with anybody as boss, so he is his own.  YIKES!

I still pull most of the weight, even though I "just stay at home and be mom, maid, chauffeur, therapist, personal shopper, call-girl...etc."  To 7 people.

But My other N----is a work-aholic---cause it makes her look good!

Unbelievable!

Namaste,

Sunny

mud**

Puppetmaster!!  Hilarious!  And SOOO true!  thanks--it's one I won't forget.

[CB123]

Dazed,

What would happen if you just stopped paying her bills? 

Is she disabled?  Or has she just gotten used to being taken care of?  Can you pay her rent for a month, by her some groceries, put some gas in her car and then tell her she's on her own?

I'm sure you've already thought of this, but I thought I'd ask. 

CB

[Overcomer]

This is a perfect thread for me!  The first time I heard the term "N" was in reference to my exhusband.  This man is more a classic N than my mom.  He's the kind who walks through a room with his nose in the air.  But he wouldn't work either.  When he was married to me, I sent out resumes.  He would go to the interview and never get the job.  Maybe he was condesending to the interviewer.....or he couldn't fool them.  He is a great actor and can be whatever someone wants him to be....to a point.  His second ex-wife got him a great job....he had it for a few years until they realized he really couldn't and didn't work and spent most of his time womanizing the other employees....so he got fired.  He got a degree (thanks to my parents who paid for it) and then went to graduate school.......now he is a barista at a coffee bar.

Total loser.  When we were married I did all the work.......ALL the work!!  I mowed and took care of the cars and did all the housework and made more money.....meanwhile he was having affair after affair.........................self-esteem very low!!  So he had that grandiose thing going on with nothing to back it.

Nmom on the other hand became an N AFTER she was successful.  It was like her success made her into an N.  Her money wielded power and she dug it!!!

[Dazed1]

Thanks everyone.

Reading people's stories, it occured to me that many of us have these Ns who refuse to work and we support.

This characteristic should really be added to the list of N traits.

Mud:
Love your undertstated dry wit.  You're like the Mark Twain of the board! (don't mean to pigeonhole you)

A dope, perhaps, but don't forget we are all fools on this ship.

"Many of them are not just emotional leaches they are leaches from tail to sucker and will extract any and all attributes from others if possible."  Yes, I'm visualizing a worm: mouth and anus with a hollow tube in between.  They leach off of us in numerous ways, emotionally, financially and then they sh*t all over us.

"constantly afraid of failing so they either don't do anything or they try to take over as puppet masters, directing others to do the work."    I absolutely agree on this.  With my sister, I feel sorry for her that she's so afraid to fail.  When I ask her to do something, she almost always answers "I'll try".  She almost never answers "yes" or "no".  I ask her "does 'I'll try' mean you'll do it or you can't?  Can I count on you or should I ask someone else".  Again, her response is "I'll try".  My T says that sister responds "I'll try" because she is so unsure of herself and afraid to fail.  Very sad.

You're right:  Usually, she likes to direct others to do the work and if something goes wrong, she can blame the minion, but this is also very grandiose behavor.

And lastly, the entitlement:  Why should they work when we do it for them.

Yet, at heart, I believe they feel defective for not working like a normal person, but on the other hand, I think that all the time wasting lazying about they do is considered by them to be "work".
Thanks mud.


Sunny:
"My favorite N hates to work---would rather borrow than work for money, when working would actually be eaisier"  How twisted!  What the hell goes on in their heads?

"he can take all day just to go and get a box of paperclips at the office store." But Sunny, that is his "work": He went to the store to buy paper clips!!  ARG!!!  It's laughable, but it's really very sad.  G-d help anyone who depends on these types for financial survival

One of the reasons I refuse to work with him.  Me too.  It's way too frustrating.

Oh yeah:  I think complaining is the key element of their "work".  Annoying, but also sooooooo boring.
Thanks, Sunny


CB:
Oh yes:  The never ending student!  They just cannot face responsibility.  Peter Pan.  They are intensely immature. 

Yes, the grandiose projects which you know they probably will never finish.  I get a niggle in my tummy when Nsis tells me about a new grandiose project, but I now bite my tongue and just say "Oh, really, sounds good".

Agree:  Nothing wrong with a pencil pusher (I'm one of them), at least they are productive.  My Nmom used to rage "I don't care if she collects garbage, at least she'd be doing something, that girl (N sis) is going to give me a stroke one of these days!!".  Oh yes, fond memories, no wonder I had panic attacks.

Yes, cleaning up is ALWAYS a big project.  The mess in their office relects the mess in their minds.

CB:  I have discussed with my T re: what should I do with sis?  T said that it is easier for me to continue to support her than not.  If I didn't support her, T said she'd probably wind up in a mental hospital and dealing with that would be much worse FOR ME than paying her bills.  I don't want to complicate my life, so I continue to pay for her. She does not spend much money anyway.
Thanks for the suggestion CB.


Kell:
You raise a good point which I did not realize:  Sis is a non-working parasite N whereas mom was a workaholic N.  You just made me realize this. 

Thus, you can only image the clashes between parasite Nsis and workaholic Nmom and me caught in the middle.  triangle, both of them screaming, raging at each other and me, being the peace maker, than feeling frustrated and raging back at both of them.  Ah, the good old days.

"He is a great actor and can be whatever someone wants him to be....to a point" Yup, same with my sis.  Great actors, but it's hollow behind  the mask.

"he had it for a few years until they realized he really couldn't and didn't work"  "So he had that grandiose thing going on with nothing to back it."    yah, they are great BS artists: that is their profession.
Thanks for that revelation, Kell

Dazed (a working girl)

[seastorm]

This is a great thread. I know two Ns and they were different in that one would not work and the other was a workaholic. One was my partner (non-worker) and the other was my boss (worker).
N would be stalled for weeks because he needed to straighten up his office. Also, he did not know how to type so it took forever for him to get a document out. He would delegate to his daughter, his son and me and we would get his projects together or they would sink completely. In four years he did not attempt once to learn to type ( We had a fun program on the computer for typing).
If he deigned to help for 20 minutes on our half acre he would "plick up paper". This consisted of picking up tiny bits on the lawn. I found this pretty weird. I would have appreciated him mowing the lawn. If I questioned him on this he would go berserk. It was like the paper clips taking all day to pick up and then at the end of the day still no paperclips.
When he would get a contract to do some work, he would wait until the last minute and then plagiarize the whole report and make up references. It was completey unethical. He then landed another bigger contract and he was going to do the same thing. He relished BS ing  the client.

N also got interviews but they went nowhere.  I think his references might not have been glowing. He just had to be grandiose after five minutes with a new person and this involved name dropping and telling stories about his illustrious family lineage. He just couldn't be stopped.

I think that he put most of his energy into squeezing money out of his mother and myself.  Between us he probably made quite a lot of money. He would RATHER con people out of money than work. HE could work and when he worked around other men he was so competitive that he wanted to outdo them.  Then suddenly he would be very hardworking and seemed to have all the cognitive assets necessary to complete complex tasks. I thought that he might have some kind of brain injury that left him unable to prioritize or organize or initiate tasks. In the end I realize that he very, very lazy and feels entitled to be supported and waited on. The grandiosity is like a vein that permeates every aspect of his character and his modus operandi.
Even with new woman he is doing the same thing. Telling her he is going deaf so that she will feel sorry for him and not expect him to work. He told me that in the beginning. I felt so sorry for him. Now I think it was a lie.

This whole working thing is a big part of how they get their partner to work like a slave for them. I am not a natural worker-bee busy type but I just slaved for that guy until I was worn out. HE did not acknowledge any of it and he completely lacked insight into the inequity of how much I worked and how little he worked.
OR then again DID HE???????

Sea storm