Philski44: You touched on a worry of mine..only because it happened to me in therapy, and was the source of years of pain and confusion.
I got clean and sober in a world renowned treatment center 18 years ago. While there I recognized and worked on my CoDependency Issues and went to CoDa 12 Step Meetings for 15 years along with AA, NA. SLAA, and AlAnon and 20 years of one on one therapy.
All of that helped to stay alive while being in a relationship with an N who is now my ex-husband. BUT a really important point was missed in all of that work to change me. All of the recovery in the world was not going to help me get along with a Narcissist (my mother was also one). There is an additional dynamic at work, I believe, that is not touched in recovery.
I think those of us who have been hooked into an N have an addiction to the behavior of the Narcissist, which we hope to understand, and we hope to find the key that will finally allow us to feel loved by them. And, the problem is no one is going to feel loved by a Narsissist ever. But we keep hoping and trying. And if we hope and try too long (as happened to me), we lose all sense of ourself and are lucky to get out alive from a N relationship.
So, I think probably children of N and those hooked into a N probably do have codepedency issues which have been developed trying to learn to cope with the N; but that is only part of the problem. If the part that hooks someone specifically with an N isn't addressed then the dance with the N will continue until there is no soul left in the N's victim.
How to address the victim is, I think what this site is all about. Knowledge of what the N does, thinks and is capable of is what will set those of us who have been the N's victims, free.
By the way...I keep trying to log on and am told sometimes that my user name is taken..so I end up having to come on as a guest..Does anyone know who to correct that little problem? Sally