Just found this article.
Personally, validating and encouraging.
Wish I could have found it years earlier!!
LeahRecovery...The beginning of the recovery process is when you become conscious of the fact that you have been abused by a Narcissist and come to the realization that you do not deserve to be abused.
The next step is to let go of your compulsive endeavours to 'cure' the Narcissist, and give up your hope that your parent or partner will be miraculously changed into the loving, empathic and caring person that you want him or her to be. You have most likely been trying to bring about this dream for a long long time, and it is not easy to come to the point of
letting it go. The golden rule is that if what you have been doing hasn't achieved your goal you need to stop doing it... that is logical and sensible.
When you
'let go' you have to be prepared for the experience of
grieving. Ideally, for the sake of your future mental health it is important that you face your feelings of loss. Many people avoid this and retreat from the pain into various defensive positions such as anger and rage which often results in living life in a grievance, compulsive activity, self-destructiveness and substance addiction, or depression.
It is imperative that you talk about your hurt and share the feelings you have about it so that your reality is confirmed... a support group or Internet Forum is a place for this. There you will find other people who have had similar experiences and they will not only have some sense of how you are feeling and an idea of the depth of your pain but they will affirm the reality of your own situation.
Now you are at the point of a new beginning, a new phase of your life. You most probably feel depleted and empty from years of endeavouring to provide your Narcissist with the energy that he has needed, and stolen from you, in order to function in his everyday life.
The goal is to for you to have a healthy love of your true self by claiming the life force within you and regaining (or embracing for the very first time) your passion for living.
This implies that you have your 'own mind'... you will need to go through a process of deciding what you believe about almost everything, and deciding on a set of values that are your own, not those that have been thrust at you by parents or partners.
Be aware of your own self-destructiveness. Take care that you do not 'accidentally' put yourself in positions in which you are vulnerable.
Cultivate friendships with people who are emotionally healthy: those who genuinely affirm you. The test of whether a friendship is enriching for you is determined by how you feel afterwards you have spent time with that person. If you feel drained and exhausted you have your answer!!
You may feel that you need to see a counsellor or therapist. If you do, be aware of your susceptibility to being verbally and emotionally abused. Many therapists have Narcissistic personality traits and you have been/are in a situation in which you are unaware of many of the subtle dynamics of the verbal and emotional abuse you have been subjected to therefore you may have difficulty recognising it particularly if you are in a setting that claims to be caring. You must not stay with a counsellor or therapist who abuses you in any way.
Source: http://www.n-courage.net/recovery.htm
