18 months

[octoberguest]

I have been offered 18 months of therapy, to comprise three days intensive group work per week, at a place 40 miles from home.  Three times a week, driving there and back?  Or residential, and then what happens to d?  No answers yet.  Still getting my head round this news.  Saw dr on Monday, seeing him again in April.

I have been told that anything less will not touch where I am, and I will not find healing or recovery.

I have also been told to stop trying to be optimistic, because that is not helping me.

This is both validating, and also intensely frightening.

[Hopalong]

October,
I'm so sorry to hear it's at such a distance, but so glad you've been offered this!
Can you make arrangements so your D will be safely occupied while you do this therapy for yourself?

I can only think of books on tape, what a pleasure they are in the car...

Is it mostly freeway, or difficult roads?

SO glad for an update on you.

Hops

[octoberguest]

(((((((((Hops)))))))))

Wonderful to see you.  I have missed being here. 

The road is not good from here, but I have a friend who lives at the end of a motorway, which goes right there in less than an hour.  From here it would be an hour and a half through several towns.  He drove me there on Monday and came in with me.  Thank God for friends.

This friend has offered to let me and d stay with him for the days I need to go, and she can work from there.  Thank God also for home education.

So it is not impossible, but it is very scarey.  I told the doctor it sounds like Big Brother, and he laughed and said, yes it is a bit like that.

He also said that the reason I cannot feel things properly is that there are emotional blocks, and the emotions causing the problem are guilt and anger, and perhaps envy.  Makes me sound horrible, but he means they are being suppressed, and causing a lack of affect.  Something like that.  And he said they are not characteristics, but emotions.  Guilt and anger I can understand, but envy is a hard one.  I want nothing of anyone else's.  I only want that which is mine, and which I do not have, if that makes any sense.  That part of me which is whole and perfect, but which I cannot reach.  I do not think envy is the word for that.

Lord, have mercy!

 

[Hopalong]

Doctor sounds kind and wise and determined to help you by recommending this.
And you are strong and determined and already finding solutions for you and D.

So glad your friend is helping it to happen too.

It does sound as though things are coming together in a way that will allow so much progress!

I think it's really October having mercy on October.
Getting yourself the help you need and deserve and will heal from!

BRAVO. 

Hops

[pennyplant]

Dear October,

I think I understand some of your fear and caution.  It is good that your friend took you on the drive and offered a place to stay.  I hope that you are able to accept this help.  It will feel very, very strange.  Perhaps only thinking of each step as it comes along and not thinking beyond that???  Perhaps something like that will help to make it manageable.  From here, this help you are being offered sounds like a possible stepping stone.  Please know that many people, not just your 3-D friends, but us here in cyberspace, are supporting you in some way.  I believe that you can do it.  If it will help to tell us here about each challenge or task, well, I know I for one would be glad to listen.  It would actually help me with some things in my life to hear how you are doing with this.

Pennyplant

[moonlight52]

October

Your fear I understand very well .
The offer of help is so good

Blessngs to you and your dear D.

MUCH LOVE TO YOU

Moonlight

[octoberguest]

Dear October,

I think I understand some of your fear and caution.  It is good that your friend took you on the drive and offered a place to stay.  I hope that you are able to accept this help.  It will feel very, very strange.  Perhaps only thinking of each step as it comes along and not thinking beyond that???  Perhaps something like that will help to make it manageable.  From here, this help you are being offered sounds like a possible stepping stone.  Please know that many people, not just your 3-D friends, but us here in cyberspace, are supporting you in some way.  I believe that you can do it.  If it will help to tell us here about each challenge or task, well, I know I for one would be glad to listen.  It would actually help me with some things in my life to hear how you are doing with this.

Pennyplant

Thank you.  I will do this.  I know that this place can help me stay sane.   

(((((hugs to Penny and Moonlight and everyone else))))))

[pennyplant]

(((((((((((back at you, October)))))))))))

Pennyplant

[gratitude28]

How about if it is envy of having a normal life???

Recovery is hard, but once you get over the initial hump, you look back, feeling so good that you almost forget how hard it was to make it over that first hill. Really. I would be so happy if someone would help me and tell me what I needed... and I would also be scared.

We are here as a sounding board for whatever comes up.
Love, Beth