(((((((((Hops)))))))))
Wonderful to see you. I have missed being here.
The road is not good from here, but I have a friend who lives at the end of a motorway, which goes right there in less than an hour. From here it would be an hour and a half through several towns. He drove me there on Monday and came in with me. Thank God for friends.
This friend has offered to let me and d stay with him for the days I need to go, and she can work from there. Thank God also for home education.
So it is not impossible, but it is very scarey. I told the doctor it sounds like Big Brother, and he laughed and said, yes it is a bit like that.
He also said that the reason I cannot feel things properly is that there are emotional blocks, and the emotions causing the problem are guilt and anger, and perhaps envy. Makes me sound horrible, but he means they are being suppressed, and causing a lack of affect. Something like that. And he said they are not characteristics, but emotions. Guilt and anger I can understand, but envy is a hard one. I want nothing of anyone else's. I only want that which is mine, and which I do not have, if that makes any sense. That part of me which is whole and perfect, but which I cannot reach. I do not think envy is the word for that.
Lord, have mercy!
