will I ever get my life back?

[seahorse]

hello, I'm so-oooo glad to have found this website.
my former husband is engaged to an N, who also happened to be our son's teacher.  Since their relationship commenced she has made my life a living hell.  Some days I would rather be in Iraq, and I don't say that lightly.
I have had so many lies told about me, I've had false complaints made to the police about me, she managed to obtain a restraining order against me (here in Oz, proof isn't required, just a statement from the plaintiff!).  Because I share custody of the children (11yo girl & 7yo boy), they too suffer at the hands of her behaviour both emotionally and physically.  My ex is completely enamoured of her (and seriously, she can have him!), and will not hear even a rational word against her.  She has her employers over a barrel, because any reprimand is met with "I'll go to the union" so they back down.
I can tolerate her behaviour.  She can tell all the lies about me she likes, I know the truth and so do my loved ones.  I've been to the family court, last November, and am still awaiting a decision.  The police have been very kind, but keep on telling me "if there's a complaint we have to follow it up".  My kids seem to think that cops turning up to mum's home is a fairly normal happening.
But my children, I am utterly powerless to protect my children, and as a parent that is such an instictive part of our make-up.
so, any kind words or advice you may have will be welcomed.

a day without laughter is a day wasted

[Gaining Strength]

What awretched situation Seahorse.  What indescribable torment.

My advice is more metaphysical than physical but I believe in it.

If you are a praying person then pray for protection every morning before your feet hit the floor.  And get others to pray protectino for you and your as well.  Envision a shield of protection around your precious children. - Gaining Strength

[pennyplant]

Hi Seahorse.  Oz=Australia?  I think once one of our members said "here in Oz" and some of us Americans thought it was a metaphor, rather than a real place.

Welcome here.  Have you had a chance to read many posts yet?  Reading and posting over time will really help you figure things out.  I've been here over a year now and made tremendous progress.  I don't have experience with your particular type of situation but many others do.  So just sit tight.  Help is on the way!  And I'm glad you found us.

Pennyplant

[axa]

Hi Seahorse,

Welcome.  Keep reading and posting here.  Its amazing what clarity and support is available.  Is it possible to not have contact with this woman and just have contact about the kids with their father.

axa

[Leah]

Hi Seahorse,

love seahorses as I live near the sea.

The police have been very kind, but keep on telling me "if there's a complaint we have to follow it up". 

Let's hope that the police get wise and prosecute for wasting police time and resources - real soon.

Take care,

Leah x

[seastorm]

Dear Seahorse,

I am so glad you found this place to share your story with.  I can so understand your mixture of emotions.  You sound like you have been hit by a psychological truck.
This N lady sounds very narcissistic and it is good that you have a way of naming this kind of behaviour because it literally puts you in the spin cycle of the washing machine.

My exN used the police to harass me as well. I am not a violent or criminal person by a very long shot. In my country any domestic violence complaint that is given to the police is met with the police coming to the house and charging the person accused. Like you, this does not requiire evidence.  So the police arrive and arrest me for being violent to my spouse. He is a giant guy and the whole thing is bogus. But nevertheless, there is a court date and charges are filed. It costs me $500.00 for a lawyer. The charges are registered with my proffesisional association. I am a teacher too.  So I stand to loose my job.  The court date was 2 months away and if I was found guilty I would no longer have a profession.  I was very very anxious about all this.  In the end the police saw what was going on and dropped the charges. What has happened is that angry males are doing this all the time to get their partners in trouble so the law is creating problems aw well as trying to address domestic violence.
I learned a lot from that experience. SLANDER is one of the Ns favourite weapons. I had no idea how powerful and undermining it could be. The whole fabric of my integrity in the community was ripped away. There is no limit to the vengence of an N. They friggin live for this kind of power play and I think it is better than sex to them. Your ex husband will be, in military language, scorched and burned. He is in for a real horror strory with this woman. However, it will take time.  Right now she is working on him and getting him firmly stuck in her web. These really are the spider people.

If I could have had someone come to me and believe me about the insanity of what wa going on ie: the slander and the theft and the violation and the lying, it would have hleped. But there is nothing that prepares a normal or fairly normal person for this onslaught.  You have been through a lot. My prayers go out to you.

I am thinking that as a teacher we are held to a higher standard than the law.  Basically that means no hanky panky with the parents of the children we teach. That is a huge breach of ethics. I would contact the teachers union to see what theri stand on this is.
You have more power than you think. If she is getting the police to come to your property for no reason and she is having an affair with your husband, she is in very big trouble. If she were in Canada her behaviour would not be acceptable.
These Ns are predators, like sharks, and sometimes the best thing to do is stay clear. That is usually the best thing to do in the end.

This will die down and keeping your head down during the onslaught is a good idea. You do have options though. Keep posting here and you will get a lot of information and support that can help to carry you through all the emotional turmoil and the assautl you are going through.

Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spirituallly. Eat, sleep, exercise, play with
the children.

All the best to you.

Sea storm

[seastorm]

Seahorse,

YOU WILL GET YOUR LIFE BACK.
You are on the path with heart now.  It is a hard journey to start. Life pulling on the tail of a dragon and waking it up.  But it has to be woken up or you will never get on the road.

Sea storm

[seastorm]

Seahorse,

Are you still there????  Don't be shy.

Sea storm

[seahorse]

hey y'all
yeah, I'm still here in the Land of Oz, which yes, is Australia.
I can't begin to tell you how much I've gained from you so far.  Unless you've been through life with an N, or are living it, you really can't imagine what it's like.  At one stage, I rang my eldest sister to ask if perhaps I was insane, and it was a secret my family was keeping from me.  Unwittingly, the N in my life, once attended the same conference as my sister, who overheard this woman bad-mouthing me to a colleague.  Dear Annie (sis) decided to join in, nodding and saying "yes, yes I know who you're talking about", at which point N poured her heart out to my sister, still not realising who she was talking to.  For the first time, I was thankful that I am dark, with brown eyes, whereas my sister is fair, blonde haired with blue eyes!
So, in a very long winded way, thank you so much.  I look forward to more replies, and hopefully, one day, I'll be able to pass some wisdom on to another.
Seahorse

a day without laughter is a day wasted