Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Dodging Bullets
Anonymous:
Thank you 'write', for identifying yourself. It is appreciated.
I'll try to where I can, I can see some people are getting upset by anNymous strange poster.
Oops, meant to log in for this and forgot.
There is an issue in my personal life I want to ask about, but I fear being found out by someone very close to me! It is so unlikely that would happen, but I can't yet seem to put it down to 'paper'.
I really really think with personality disordered people in our lives we need to protect ourselves first.
I am a very honest open person but so many times I have been upfront only to have it manipulated against me, nor do I think I get the kind of privacy and respect I would show to others.
I've seen h looking through my temporary internet files and emails, and he didn't seem even a bit flustered when challenged.
He doesn't seem to understand that other people need their space- though his is huge.
So there might be a couple of things I post about as guest still, but I guess some of you will know my style of posting by now.
It's hard separating the paranoia from the necessary steps for self-preservation!
But I'm learning.
phoenix:
bye
CC:
Phoenix, I echo your uneasiness with the lurking presence. I have considered contacting Dr. Grossman to intervene, but I know he is watching and if he felt it was necessary would do so somehow. Perhaps as a therapist he is also watching to see how we all handle this disturbance in our midst. I do admit not wanting to come here as often for that reason however, and it is definitely affecting my comfort level - I don't want to spend the time skipping through the Guest postings trying to figure out if its our N or another one that posts as guest.
Additionally, I find the responses I read (inadvertantly) from the N individual to cause me stress, even though I can intellectualize and say "ignore it and it will go away". If one really wants to follow the thread, you have no choice but to run across these N postings even though we are making a conscious effort to ignore. Consequently, I have reduced my number of visits during the week. I no longer feel entirely safe here. I trust everyone else but my defenses are strong and cause me to avoid people that cause me stress. I have worked hard to keep the dysfunction out of my life - I came here for peace... and I am no longer getting it. This is an option, not a family member - so it forces me to choose not to spend as much time here. I miss getting involved with you all but it is becoming a self preservation issue now. Perhaps if Richard knew that it is deterring us from visiting he would decide differently however - which is why I decided to post in your thread here with this information..
Write:
I guess the bird metaphor is strong with you too Phoenix.
I stood listening to a yellow bird sing its heart out yesterday, and thought of the Emily Dickinson poem:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
*******************************
Flo:
This is a fascinating thread. The two issues that I really relate to are the one about the lurking Guest who is an N, and the one about N bosses.
Re: the lurking Guest: One possibility might be to simply ignore ALL Guest postings, and post that fact from time to time. That is one's personal option. Just a thought.
Another thought is to avoid any postings from the unwanted "Guest" and when it becomes obvious it/she/he is becoming a troll in a particular posting, simply stop reading that post and move on. That is my approach to all arguments, flames, etc, on all the boards I am on. That way, I see my forum friends at their best. I am truly unaware of who is prickly and argumentative -- even when people on the boards say this or that person has a temper, or is argumentative, etc etc, I honestly have had NO experience or knowledge of it b/c I skip whole threads of contention. I don't need this sort of disfunction in my life. It is upsetting, and I try to keep harmony in my life as much as I can. The world situation, and various forms of "man's inhumanity to man" out thar, are way too much for me to accept or see/hear, and I sure don't need to use my computer to swarm myself with more of it.
As for the experiences people have posted about N or bully bosses, I have surely had more than my share. I'd say that the people in our immediate families, birth-families, and "work families", as well as neighbors, are the most difficult people to cope with. That's b/c we can't escape from them.
Now, in my life, I have harmony with most of the people in my 172 unit apartment building. Nobody bugs me! And Jim and I live on the same floor, but about 75 yards away from each other down the hallway. It is total bliss in a living situation.
I am on SSD (Social Security Disability) because of my inability to deal with the Great American Workplace with it's political hassles. I guess it's easier to pay me off and get me out of there, than it is to provide the accommodations that would make it possible for me to actually work and earn money. I know what these accommodations are! But the type of work is not there. My problems are mood swings, intermittent depression, need to be alone at times (to shut the door and be isolated and in the dark), to be able to go home if I get upset, and make up the time later; and to have project based rather than time-based work. Also, to be an independent contractor, rather than an employee. There are major legal differences between being an employee and being an independent contractor (i.e. owning one's own small business). Many people who have things like mood swings, fatigue, depression, or seizure disorders need project based work. But there is no effort to provide this, so we are put out to pasture with SSD. The public may complain that we are goofing off, but then, if we are put to work, we are given terrible emotional abuse while there! We may be sabataged (sp?) by other workers, too, so that we are unable to get our work out. This has happened to me. Personnel depts. are unwilling to find solutions, EXCEPT for those organizations which have strictly enforced Harassment-Free Workplace Politicies which require EVERYONE to attend classes on a REGULAR BASIS.
Flo
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