Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Dodging Bullets
rosencrantz:
I think that there's a big difference between trolls on boards generally and what you get here. Trolls are mischief-makers who may or may not be N-driven. Mostly they're just being 'child-ish' or 'pulling your strings' on purpose and having a great laugh or they might be troubled individuals, but not narcissistic.
On this Board, this kind of behaviour is more likely to be narcissistic in nature because of the topics being discussed and the fact that our peripatetic 'population' (and search engines) leaves trails that bring them here.
Ns are our problem so we need to deal with it in whatever way we can. It's just a microcosm of how we deal with it elsewhere. So if you avoid it here, you'll be avoiding it in your life, too. If that's effective for you, that's fine. But sometimes you have to become N-ish to stop an N. The difference is that we can choose behaviour that's appropriate to the circumstances and they can't. Once they've finished shouting and screaming, they'll be off finding other ways of manipulating their way in, like being great big pussycats and sidling up to you to become 'friends'. :roll:
But these forums are constantly mutating and the Ns find better fish to fry in time, too. And in the meantime it's good practice for us to find ways of dealing with them and reflect on how we deal with them in a relatively safe environment. In my book, simply leaving them to create havoc and harm 'at will' and on their terms just isn't 'on'.
I don't mind other people having a different opinion on this but that's where I've discovered I stand on it - and it probably reflects the stage I've got to in dealing with the Ns in my personal life. I think a bridge must have been burnt somewhere along the trail. I can't go back to not standing firm in my 'space' - I think it's just not possible.
R
Portia:
Hello everyone here, I have views too which have been brewing for a while (gosh that sounds soooo assertive for me!).
CC thanks for your post, it’s good to hear more from you! I hope you’re okay and all. I’m sad you feel like you do about the lurking and I know others have felt that the board might be headed the wrong way, maybe even down the toilet. But some of us really care about the board’s continuing existence: I do. And the recent conflicts have been big, big learning experiences. Yep, they hurt! But it does. I didn’t come here for peace like you (did you really?), I came for answers! I do have concerns about how recent events may have put off new visitors, people who could do with speaking here, who have not posted, or have left, because of the ‘bad vibes’. Maybe we can do something about that…below…
I know Dr G reads and oversees (thank you Dr G). And sometimes I’ve wondered if he hasn’t posted himself as Guest? Why not? It’s a bit like thinking God is watching over us, only this one is a real person. And don’t we humans always like to have some higher authority to point to? It’s another one of our failings! So I tend to ignore Dr G (like I ignore God) and think we’ve just got to sort it out ourselves. We have to be responsible, individually and collectively. Which means we have to work together, as a group. As I said elsewhere, we can all take different roles, we can swap roles, and we keep the board alive – together. It’s a harmonious, consensual group management style we need and with the same goal – to maintain the board (not to dominate it, not to use it as ‘supply’).
On this I’ve had these growing thoughts. Now I don’t know other boards and I don’t know what they do so my thoughts are based purely on here:
Rosencrantz, was it you who spoke about the board with the venting zone? That sounded good, but would it create more problems here – fragile egos of various colours abounding? Not sure, but would love to see a group vote on the topic! (We can have polls on threads – that facility exists – if we wanted to test the water, even if we couldn’t make it happen. Would that be interesting?)
How about a warm welcome page? Just pointing out that this board tends to have long-term members as well as short-term stayers? That maybe it’s a bit more trustworthy than other boards? That we have ‘upsets’ but don’t let anyone put you off posting? This is all contentious stuff – but it’s the web, it can be changed at any time. Being a complete newbie, I would’ve liked a welcome page telling me how it all works e.g. register to get PM, protect your identity, how to see members’ stories, how to edit, etiquette on paragraph format (thank you Anastasia)! – we could expand the list no doubt. And maybe it could explain, for those who get straight here and don’t see Dr G’s pages: look at DR G’s site, he’s behind this and he reads it, we’re not moderated as such but please be considerate etc etc. This is the basic stuff that tends to get repeated.
I’ve also wondered sometimes if we’re a training ground for therapists. Maybe they’re Guests, maybe they’re members. Maybe wannabe therapists come here and decide to take up landscape gardening? :lol:
Rosencrantz again, I want to pull some of your words:
--- Quote ---Ns are our problem so we need to deal with it in whatever way we can. It's just a microcosm of how we deal with it elsewhere. So if you avoid it here, you'll be avoiding it in your life, too. If that's effective for you, that's fine. But sometimes you have to become N-ish to stop an N.
--- End quote ---
Assertive R, that’s what you are. The day you start saying: I don’t like that and I want it my way; or this is my board and you can’t play with it – I’ll tell you ok? Will you tell me? :wink:
--- Quote ---And in the meantime it's good practice for us to find ways of dealing with them and reflect on how we deal with them in a relatively safe environment. In my book, simply leaving them to create havoc and harm 'at will' and on their terms just isn't 'on'.
--- End quote ---
Exactly. And
--- Quote ---I can't go back to not standing firm in my 'space' - I think it's just not possible.
--- End quote ---
Good good!
rosencrantz:
Now here's a rum show. Slightly off track but bang on, too.
This is how recent events have affected me! Did I once say 'the body don't lie'???!!!
Soon after what I regard as 'the final stand-off' in 'standing strong' here on this board, one of my front teeth suddenly lost a bit of veneer and started to split right up the middle. Yikes!
I cannot tell you how distressed I felt. Suddenly, I'm terrified of the whole concept of dentists, putting my trust in some stranger (don't have a dentist in my new area), having an unknown treatment yada yada.
Sobs, terrified little girl sobs. Sob, sob, sob, sob, sob. Exhausted.
Happen to open up the Co-dependency book I looked out to recommend to Wildflower. Read : Frozen feelings from childhood : You experience the release of your own feelings from childhood that were not safe to feel as a child. To survive the abuse, you shut down or freeze your feelings. As you begin to come out of your defence mechanism, you feel these feelings as an adult. You feel extremely vulnerable and childlike when you experience them.
More yada yada - may be true but doesn't help me get my tooth fixed.
With healer this morning, recounting experiences - suddenly recent experiences all flow together. Defences against Ns she's given me through 'intention' and 'energy healing' had grown much larger to handle the threat on this board. I mention idea of being strung like a wire and the tension causing something to break ie my tooth.
But...
This tooth has always been ready to crack (I say), always been a bit fragile.
:shock: suddenly I start listening with a 'third ear'!!!
It got hit a lot when I was a child. :!: It stuck out more than the others. I think the nerve is dead but they've never done anything to it cos the tooth is surprisingly healthy underneath. :!: :!: But because the nerve is dead, it's a bit discoloured on the surface. I once tried to get someone to whiten it (cover up) but they said it couldn't be done (they were wrong, but never mind).
Is anybody 'with me' on this? All this symbolic language! Apparently our teeth represent our sense of identity. Fascinating. I sure wish that it could have been something simpler than my front tooth, tho.
So now I'm going to have a whole new 'image' with a white tooth, the right size, in the right place that fits in with the rest of my teeth instead of a sticky-out yellowy one!!! (And we all know what the colour yellow stands for) Uh! My body won't let me have a yellow one any more!!! :wink:
It's like it's split open to allow something stronger and more beautiful to emerge
But I've still got to get it fixed!!!!! And I'm in deep resistance mode!!!
Just sharing,
R
"The more conscious we become of living symbolically, the more conscious we become of our own desires, goals, and feelings."
http://www.saskworld.com/bodymindspirit/edition9/02_article_spielman.htm
Jacmac, as guest:
R, WOW, and let me say again, WOWWWWWW!!!
For the last few days I've been feeling like someone has hit me in the side of jaw with their fist. At first it started with just the back teeth being a bit sensitive you know, like I couldn't exactly chew back there, and no ice.
But then it seemed to migrate to the whole left side of my mouth, and then it was the whole mouth in general. I spent hours looking in the mirror for the cavity that was causing this thumping sensation, no extremely painful, but just so uncomfortable, I took a couple of Midol to help me sleep.
It was like I could FEEL my teeth. And the only thing that helped really was clenching them really tight together, you know like when you're angry.
But get this, after I apologized to Bunny, after I felt the love coming from this board, NO MORE PAIN.
I just made that connection today, after your post. WOWWW!! I think I'll go have a nice glass of Iced Tea :lol:
Thanks for sharing, R
Jacmac, as guest:
"Start by keeping some promise you've made to yourself, like taking up that musical instrument you always meant to, or honoring your resolution to stop repeating mean gossip. Be true to yourself and your teeth will be strong."
Thanks again, R. What an eye opener.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version