Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Walk a mile in my shoes

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surf14:
Sounds Guest like you've worked things out pretty well for yourself; that your interaction with others is measured and self protective.  Nice not to be codependent.  I can relate to Phoenix's sensitivity; I'm alot like that as well but am a bit more evenly balanced in recent years.  I guess that's what hardship like divorce and other things rearrange for you.  Surf

seeker:
Hi all,

I can really relate to Phoenix's post about over-compassion.  At one of my workplaces (which was decidedly N in culture) I would go out of my way to be friendly and support the people who were politically "out".  I think I identified with the underdog (hmmm...).  These were nice, competent people.  But they didn't fit the image of young, hip, cool.  They were not "wonder boys" rising to VP at the age of 25.  Experience wasn't valued, cool was.  It hurt me politically to be seen with a couple of them. But it was awful to know they were being shunned.  I can't stand that kind of behavior.

So I still need to learn what is my problem and what isn't.  I also learned the hard way that that type of environment isn't for me, even though there was a certain amount of glamour and fun involved.  

Seeker

surf14:
Yes seeker; I feel like I'm cut from the same mold.  Can't bear to see someone ostraciized.  Surf

surf14:
AMEN!  Surf

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: seeker ---Hi all,

I can really relate to Phoenix's post about over-compassion.  At one of my workplaces (which was decidedly N in culture) I would go out of my way to be friendly and support the people who were politically "out".  I think I identified with the underdog (hmmm...).  These were nice, competent people.  But they didn't fit the image of young, hip, cool.  They were not "wonder boys" rising to VP at the age of 25.  Experience wasn't valued, cool was.  It hurt me politically to be seen with a couple of them. But it was awful to know they were being shunned.  I can't stand that kind of behavior.

So I still need to learn what is my problem and what isn't.  I also learned the hard way that that type of environment isn't for me, even though there was a certain amount of glamour and fun involved.  

Seeker
--- End quote ---


Don't you just hate this form of social control in the workplace or anywhere else. I once made friends with the wierdest girl, or that's how she was perceived by the group I was in. She looked and dressed decidedly different, a bit like a man, she smoked in a totally non-smoking circle, and she had hair down below her bum. She was a bit in-your-face and combatitive during discussions. She was shunned from the start by everybody in this group, so I, as usual, siddled up to make her feel comfortable, (I find it hard to see people feeling uncomfortable, I always feel it's my job to fix it, or I used to anyway) and found I made friends with her.

I was one of those kids who always wanted to bring every flea-bitten mangey mut home. She became one of my nearest and dearest friends. I lost a few superficial ones at the time as a result  too. But it was well worth it.  She has such a deep caring soul and heart, and is one of the gentlest people I know.

She dressed like that, why? I found out later. She'd been terribly sexually abused as a child. Really bad stuff. Why the seemingly ridiculous long hair? That made sense later too. She'd had her head ritually shaved by her mother as a child, in the hopes that it would make her look more unattractive to her father who raped her as often as he was home. So much I learned about her and from her.

She has the patience of a saint with my children, and all children. She can't conceive, she's been damaged to badly by objects being inserted as a kid. She knits manically, and has knitted my whole family fair-aisle jumpers. I really love her, she's such a beautiful person.

She eventually married a guy who had also been sexually abused as a child, and they now run a shelter for homeless men. Before I met her, she'd been a heroin addict, a prostitute and a petty thief to support her habit. A priest saved her when she early OD'd and took her in to a program. She's now a fully paid up member of the community, giving a lot back because of that priest. I am so glad I got to know her and didn't let those stupid social controls rob me from making friends with her.

Guest

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