Just poppin in to update ya'll on where I've been, what I've been doing

[reallyME]

Hi to everyone...friends, opposers, etc.

I've been dealing with bronchitis/pneumonia for the past almost 2 weeks.  I think I'm finally coming out of the worst of it, right on time to go visit my spiritual Mom whom I miss and love dearly. YAY!  I have a doctor's appointment today to see how things are with me.

I'm still running the restaurant with my husband and still taking the Abnormal Psychology class in college.  I have a big test today, so please keep me in your prayers and thoughts as I muddle through it all.  I'll let ya know how it goes.

I've been reading a few of the posts from here when I have time.  Jacmac, sounds like you are feeling very invalidated.  It might be time to take a breather from the board...I had to do that when things got pretty heated a while back, after a few people found out where I was, and came and publically flamed me right here in this group.  As you can see, I survived it again, came out stronger in the end, and I'm still here.

Regarding a post from way back, about "Do we ever stop loving them?" I want to answer, "NO" I don't think so.  I still miss and love the dysfunctional people in my life, but I can tell you all that I know they were not capable of truly loving ME.  If they were, they'd still be in my life, working through the issues.

 Now, I know one of them would tell you all "I TRIED TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH LAURA, BUT SHE JUST KEPT ATTACKING ME!"  The truth is, I DID go through a time when I really just wanted REVENGE on this person.  My feelings were mixed up...I could see some good about her, but then the bad things were just too bad to have the good overpower them...if that makes sense.  So, I LASHED OUT at her, wanting her to SUFFER the way she caused me to.  It was wrong on my part, and yet, when it comes to people who just make no sense, who punish us for things that are wrong with THEM, it MAKES SENSE TO WANT REVENGE.

I guess I'd have to say to you all, that, where I can understand  your feelings of wanting the dysfunctional people in your life to PAY, to SUFFER, TO CARE, to at least FEEL some remorse or something...unless the Lord God Almighty gets ahold of them and does a radical thing in them, don't hold your breath.  Expect the best, but don't fool yourself into thinking that things DEFINITELY WILL CHANGE...because, with N's, BPD's, etc...that's a LOT to expect or ask!

I am thinking of an appropriate scripture from the BIble here..."UNLESS THE LORD BUILDS THE HOUSE, THEY LABOR IN VAIN WHO BUILD IT."  If you think of this in regards to the grandiose, delusional, punishing, self-absorbed people in our lives, it says to me that, unless GOD can REBUILD the receptors that never connected...unless GOD can knock some people off their high-horses and remind them that HE is God...and unless GOD can put a "heart of flesh" where there is a heart of stone in these types of people, all your whining, wishing, hoping, and trying to change them...is in VAIN. 

Don't labor in vain...work on yourself, let the dysfunctionals go on to someone else, pray for them, but LET THEM GO...and MOVE ON

~Laura

[debkor]

Hi Laura,

Sorry to hear you were sick. Glad your feeling much better.  Don't push yourself
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TEST!!
and glad your back

Love
Deb

[seastorm]

Hi Laura,
Thanks for your post and glad you are back.
Your words about the senselessness of hoping for change in the N came at just the right time for me. I spoke to my esN and before I knew it I was helping him out again. In some ways I value the odd conversation with him because I can use it to demystify the crazy thinking that he uses and see how quickly he manipulates me by playing pathetic and lost.
As I get healthier I am getting a clearer perspective on who I can be around and thrive and who is too toxic for me.

Laura, the dynamics on this board can get pretty heated at times.There is ssuch a hodge podge of members. Value systems galore. Religions on the rampage at times. I think it is miraculous that teh board keeps going and eventually evens out and goes back to being a place of healing rather than a platform for egotists.
I am sorry about your experience with flaming. I don't know what that is. If some people gang up on one person I think that is infantile. Everyone has an equal right to be heard and listened to respectfully.  It is hard to keep judgement out of things at times.

I am glad you are back and you have more support than you might know. Keep speaking your truth. A few critics may target you and this is the way it has always been. I notice there are loads of Christians on this site. Cripes, who was targeted the most....... Jesus.  I think deep disclosure of the truth of a person can set them up for targeting. This is strange but true. There is an evening out factor here on the board. Some people will come to your support.

Sea storm

[WRITE]

Hi Laura

it is great to watch you mend and heal, it really is inspiring.

For a Christian we are told 'love those who hate you, do good to those who would harm you'...and the healthy way of doing that may be letting them go and forgiving them knowing that no resolution can come for us and we just live with our pain until it subsides.

But that's what self-sacrifice is, and one of the things this board has taught me more than anything else- of we go into relationships with people who have a lot of unresolved issues or people who act out there is going to be a lot of self-sacrifice involved.

If I am going to stay alive and well I'd prefer to live most of that at a distance- in not hating and forgiving but also not engaging and trying to help someone when it's not my path, not my task.

LET THEM GO...and MOVE ON

you are so right.

Take care, and hope you are over your illness soon.

Love
Write

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((((((Laura))))))))))))))))))

How wonderful to hear from you and hear how well you are doing!!!!!You sound so wonderfully collected and thoughtful! You have made my day!!! I agree, you are an inspiration!!!

Love, Beth

[reallyME]

Thank you all for the sweet comments.  I have grown through my pain, though I still miss the people that caused it, because I fell in love with the image they portrayed of themsevles