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Narcisisst and/or Sociopath?

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Anonymous:
Thanks Sally and Rosencrantz,

Who was Sybil? I vaguely recall a movie, but I just can't watch horror or gore in away way shape or form, so I never saw it. I agree Rosencrantz, I know I can never risk communication with her again, so I don't. Even thinking about her now, all those years ago, can bring on a panic attack sometimes.

She knows every single button to push in me. Of course she would, after all, she crafted them or created them. Tuned them to perfection. It feels like that anyway. She can have me thinking I'm out of mind and crazy in no time, and have anyone else around who doesn't know her thinking it too.

Thanks again for the replies. I've just spent time on the net the last few hours reading about psychopaths. And yep bunny, I think you're right, I think she is one unfortunately. Don't even ask how I managed to break free, but somehow or other some internal need to escape or survive must have kicked in, probably focused on protecting my own children. Anyway it worked and I'm so grateful it did. (shudder)

Guest

rosencrantz:
It's also a book - but I don't suggest you read it - could trigger too much.  Sybil is a true life story.  She had multiple personalities.  After lots of therapy, turns out she's the victim of abuse - a mother who tortured her and frightened her, tripped her and tricked her, played mind games and occasionally showed good parenting skills.  

When I saw the film, years ago, I didn't quite understand what some of the worst abuse was - I think it was 'hinted at' in the film - but I 'felt' that it reflected my own upbringing (especially the scene when the child is tied to the piano!!).

That seemed and still seems both absolutely true and quite outrageously without foundation.  

"I had a normal upbringing in an average English household, with a loving tho picky mother and an unhappy but well-liked father who just wanted a peaceful life."

???

Take 2 : "I was brought up in an average middle class home by a mother with a personality disorder.  My father protected me from the worst of her craziness with the words 'Give it a rest' but was too afraid of the consequences to 'shop her' and get any kind of help. It never occurred to anyone that the situation could be damaging to the child who, actually, held everything together.  Everything fell apart when the child grew up and left home so it was all her fault."

Well, closer!

At least if you're naming what happened to you, even if only in writing, it shows a healthy 'take' on reality.  But it's difficult to get any validation when the rest of the family have their own reasons to be in denial.

I used to be fascinated by films like Sybil or Three Faces of Eve - but, although I can dip into the book, I couldn't watch it again.
R

Anonymous:
Guest,

A psychopath is also sociopathic (antisocial). Their goal is to sadistically destroy other people in a number of ways. A sociopath's goal is to con and exploit other people.

bunny

cj:
Thats a heartbreaking post. God, I feel guilty talking about my 'story' after reading that. That bit about your dog as a kid for a start...(I'm having to hold myself back here from saying something horrible...grrr....!)
I'm just tempted to say (well will say...) just keep resisting feeling guilty at any attempts by members of your family to make you feel it, with all that 'old and lonelly'/'only daughter' bulls**t. If these family members care so much, then I'm sure they won't have any problems ***** taking care of her! (Sorry this made me mad.)
She doesn't seem to have had a problem taking years (and more) from you, so don't take the bait. And any attempt at reconsiliation would just be you giving up more of your life to her. I think shes taken enough. Lifes to short.

DesolateFox:
Guest who shared the first story---

OMG...  OMG...  I went through some hell like you, but some of what you wrote is all new to me.  And horrific.  My stomach aches.

My father left me with my step-uncle's ex-wife (my aunt) for a week once when I was losing it about his abuse, and I told her and my cousin that he was sexually abusing me.  The aunt believed me, and immediately confronted my father, who told her I was a big liar, had always been a compulsive liar and I was actually mentally ill, and he beat me and made me apologize to them for making them believe me, and tell them I'd lied.  I never saw any of them again.  

And once when I was with my father, my mother gave away my little, beloved dog as punishment for being with him.

Both my parents are nuts.

I do think that my dad is a sociopath, my mom is better than that- I guess.  By degrees.  I actually have a kind of okay relationship with my dad now, though it is very distant.  I cut him off (maybe I should rephrase that in light of your post) for 5 years, and that seemed to help.  I don't seem to have the strength to cut my mom off completely, and my soul bleeds over her every day...

You could not help doing what you did as a kid, and don't ever let that inner voice tell you to feel bad about it.  That is just your mother, manipulating you and using you.  I went through that anger at myself, for being the appeaser of my father and protecting my step bros and sisters by taking abuse from them, and hiding it so he wouldn't beat them.  And not fighting back against him.  But it is a child's nature to do what must be done to survive, and furthermore, with the terror parents like ours put us through, we would have no reason to believe strangers would be kinder.  You did what you had to do.  It was a strength.  Honor that child that was strong enough to get through it, and mourn for the child that suffered that.  You did the right thing, and what was natural.  

It makes me hurt deep inside to think of what our parents did to us, to pervert our natural survival instinct.  I hurt for you.  God bless.

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