Fight or Flight..based on fear and anger

[reallyME]

We learned recently that the FIGHT OR FLIGHT syndrome is actually just a fancy name for reacting impulsively from anger or fear.  It makes a lot of sense to me.

At this point, I'm wanting to take a flight response, based on anger at having been misunderstood, having a private thing brought to public in order for the other person to gain people's favor against me, and just basically being accused of having intentions I did not have.

I might leave the board for a while and see when it's safe to come back and share my views, struggles, comments again.  Or, I might wait till I see some people not be here so often, and figure the coast is then clear.  Or maybe I'll lurk a while.  I'm not sure what I'll do.  I just know that I've found out that it's not a good idea to "notice" and comment on anything out of the ordinary or different than what I'm used to, here on V board.

Tomorrow is a new day that I'm very grateful for.

G'night

~Laura

[debkor]

Laura,

I believe Lupita feelings were hurt and she was embarrassed. I know you didn't mean to harm Lupita in anyway.  I know you are angry that you sent it private and it was made public.  You wrote it more then once that you did not mean to offend her, you were just curious. I believe that.  I do not believe that Lupita also put it public so we would go in her favor and against you. That is not true. I think right now you both are having hurt feelings.  Either one of you were not meaning to hurt or embarrass the other but it did turn out that way.  Why not just say (sorry) to each other and call it a day.

Love
Deb

[oc]

personally I want you to stay.  you have snapped me back into reality more than once and you always seem to be gracious in your comments.  one thing I have noticed in cyberspace that you cannot hear the intention in someones voice.  I offende an employee at work but she misunderstood my intent.  i also have found that people on this board are being more defensive than usual and I note that it is more often a relatively new poster.  Because of their limited history they do not realize we are not

[reallyME]

OC, I think I only got part of your post here:

Because of their limited history they do not realize we are not

we are not what?


To Deb, I've already said I'm sorry a couple times and I don't feel I need to keep apologizing, especially for something that was merely an attempt to understand how any teacher (including my teachers at college) can become teachers without knowing how to spell.  There is no harm in asking a question, unless the person takes the question personally, which obviously  Lupita has.  I did get my answer...Spanish is the primary language, and it  is very different and easier than the english language.  It makes sense now, but she could have just told me "I'm Hispanic so I haven't learned how to grasp the grammar of the english language completely yet and I struggle with spelling of words and conjugation of sentences."  I would have said , "oh, I understand, Lupita.  English is one of the hardest languages to learn."  I was not given the chance to be understanding.  I was publically attacked and told that I was someone she will stay away from and think good thoughts about the other people here.

Am I angry? hurt?  Well, maybe more bewildered but also, having studied Intercultural Communications, I do understand that with a language barrier, there is also often a problem in communication between people who came from two different cultures.  That is not to be offensive, it is the truth.

~Laura

[oc]

We are not antagonistic.  We have been helping each other for months and years.  If someone does not know our intent they should not be defensive but gently ask what we meant.

[debkor]

Laura,

I was publically attacked and told that I was someone she will stay away from and think good thoughts about the other people here.
 I heard you say you were sorry and a detailed explanation of why you asked what you asked and did not mean to offended anyone. I saw that in your original email you sent and later in another post. I saw you come right out and  say,( plain and simple) I'm sorry but I did not hear an acceptance to your apology. That part was blown off.  I have to agree with you. I would also feel publically attacked, I would be lying to say any different.  I think good thoughts about you Laura. I think you are very very smart and have lots to offer here.  You have been more then helpfull from your post to me. I would  really hate for you to go silent. I really enjoy talking to you.
Lupita if you read this post I want you to know I like you to but as much as I acknowledged your post I am Laura's too.
Sometimes things are taken the way they were not meant to be. Laura once again offered an explanation so I think she has fully explained herself and should not have to again. This was another issue that was in private and brought Public once again and look what is happening.
Love Deb

[reallyME]

I appreciate the validation, oc and debkor.  I appreciate you, Lupita, and I'm sorry for your experiences with N's too.  I have walked in your shoes and I know how hurtful it can be.

~Laura

[Hopalong]

Hi Laura, Lupita...

RM, you may have not realized it, but Lupita did accept your apology right away, she just said this:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May the Lord spread all his blessings upon you.

Sounds pretty good to me!

I personally can beat a dead horse into dogfood, but letting go and letting it flow is good too.
Sometimes it's just what's needed.

love,
Hops

[gratitude28]

What do you think I feed Henry???

LOL you are so funny Hops!