" Nasty People " by Jay Carter
Book DescriptionFourteen years since its first publication, the bestseller Nasty People has been revised and updated to cover the motivations of nasty people, how to avoid confrontation with a nasty boss, how to handle a nasty spouse, and much more, including:
How to break the cycle of nastiness
A new understanding of personality disorders and depression
Narcissism, nasty behavior, and self-doubt
Nasty people and self-validation
The role adrenaline plays in nasty behavior and our responses to it.
Everyone knows a person who has been hurt, betrayed, or degraded by nasty individuals or has experienced it themselves. In three books, Jay Carter, Psy. D., shows readers how to stop this cycle of overt and covert abuse, without resorting to nasty tactics.
Now for the first time,
this series is released together to cover all areas of dealing with difficult people. With straight-talking advice, real-life anecdotes, and psychology that makes sense, Carter explains how to handle and stop painful behavior that harms both the perpetrator and the victim.
From the Back CoverSurefire methods to neutralize the nasty people in your life
Have you been hurt, betrayed, or degraded by a nasty person? Perhaps it's your boss, your parent, or your spouse. Whoever it is, he or she is an invalidator who feeds on your self-esteem, mental anguish, and unhappiness. But you can stop this cycle of abuse and put an end to sneak attacks on your soul--without resorting to nasty tactics.
In this updated bestselling guide to staying sane while dealing with difficult people, Jay Carter, Psy.D., calls upon decades of practice and observation to offer proven strategies for avoiding toxic relationships.
With straight-talking advice, real-life anecdotes, and psychology that makes sense, Dr. Carter gives you the surefire tricks and techniques you need to:
Identify the Invalidators in your life
Protect your sanity
Use humor to get out of the blame game
Conquer Self-doubt
Stop Invalidating yourself
Confront emotional bullies
See the bigger picture
Reclaim the captain's seat of your soul
A Review: "After reading this book, I think I've experienced my share of invalidators, both those I've worked for, and subordinates (who attempt to use the invalidation techniques described in the book to subtly manipulate). And in retrospect, I've probably been guilty of some of the invalidation techniques described in the book.
Just as Carter states in the book that some people have personality disorders, and some people are criminals AND have personality disorders (i.e. the former doesn't excuse the latter), he also makes the distinction of those who unintentionally slip into invalidation behavior, and those who are hardcore ........ guilt-free INVALIDATORS.
BOTTOMLINE: I'd highly recommend this book to anyone trying to understand others, whether for leadership or just to improve personal relations."
"This matter-of-fact book describes the invalidation process (i.e. invalidators) including causes ( p. 79: "Usually people are mean for one of three reasons: 1. To get their way, 2. Because someone was nasty to them, 3. Because they don't feel good about themselves, p. 80: "Invalidators usually look big but feel small, & p. 81: "If someone is invalidating you, he or she has probably been invalidated in the past"), reasons it is self-defeating, p. 81: "Invalidation works in the short run, not in the long run. You can win a lot of battles but lose the war"), & coping methods ("confronting, repeat that please, tell the whole truth, mirror the projection"). The challenge is to not catch the contagion since p. 60: "You cannot lose touch with your own conscience without losing touch with others, because your conscience is the bridge that connects you to others." It relates logic and feeling with some pithy observations: p. 78: "You can always tell the truth by looking at your feelings: `I feel embarrassed,' `I feel angry that you said it that way,' `I feel put on the spot.' No one can argue with the way you feel, because (right or wrong) it is the way you feel."
I found Chapter 4, "What do we do about it?" most helpful. An insightful & useful example is: p. 78: "MIRROR THE PROJECTION: When someone accuses you of something you didn't do, check to see if he or she has done it."
41 reviews on
http://www.amazon.com/Nasty-People-Jay-Carter/dp/0071410228 Has anyone read this book?
Honestly, one comes across so many people in ones walk in life, who are so mean/nasty !!
Spyralle's thread "Brutal realizations" rang bells. and brought back unpleasant painful memories, so I googled 'nasty people'
Coincidently, I have been thinking about this subject quite a lot recently, and my thoughts were ..... surely, not everyone can be an N ???
The phrase Guilt-Free Invalidators ...... YES!! Validation and Realization.
They leave you hurt and broken.
Anyone read this book?
Thanks.
Leah xx