I can't help but wonder, why do people allow the Ns to go on as they are? This is the reason they go on and on acting selfishly... they are allowed to.
Interesting Question here, Beth
First I'd like to share what the "henchman" thing was in my own situation.
There were people in my life who were Narcissistic, and they would basically use other people to get information from me and then bring it back to them. They would also use the internet, to get their "henchman" to say certain things to me, get me to react, and then report back to the N person, so the N could then justify (to himself or others), deserting me in the relationship. It's an underhanded way of the N justifying the mistreatment and abandonning behaviors he/she uses on you.
Secondly, why do people LET the N go on...
actually, some people try to STOP the N from doing what he/she does. The thing is, Narcissistic people are very CRAFTY and CALCULATING individuals. A lot of them have even studied psychopathic behavior, in order to perfect their own deceit and dupe others.
There really IS no stopping N's from acting N'istically. It's what they do, who they are, unfortunately, unless GOD gets ahold of them. Unless their self-masking came as a result of trauma, they learned as children, either:
A.) I must be the BEST in order for my parents and others to love me
This usually is a result of pompous, self-centered "parents" wanting to LOOK GOOD to others at all times, so their own insecurities aren't triggered. Usually these types of "parents" see the child as a REFLECTION of themselves or an EXTENSION of themselves, rather than allowing them to be an INDIVIDUAL.
B.) I WILL be ADORED by everyone in my life (as long as I continue to not show any flaws or humanness on the outside...I must have ALL THE ANSWERS AT ALL TIMES)
This comes from a false notion that, because they were told that they were WONDERFUL, the STAR CHILD, and usually SPOILED ROTTEN, that everyone in life is put here to GIVE THEM WHATEVER THEY WANT. It is a sense of ENTITLEMENT. There is an underlying feeling of "why would you NOT do that for me, how DARE YOU?!"
There is also this attitude of SUPERIORITY in which they "know" that they have the right answers for you, and how could you DOUBT them?" (after all, they've had to be "little adults" for their "parents" all their life. Now, THEY get to play PARENT and TEACHER to YOU.)
C.) In order to feel relief from the shame and guilt inside of me, I have to PORTRAY the image of TOTAL STRENGTH AND POWER, no matter WHO I have to walk on to do this!
Many times the child-N in training, was made to feel ASHAMED if they made a mistake. GUILT was the force their "parents' used on them, to get them to become totally COMPLIANT and machine-like. These children learned how to ignore and stuff their feelings of shame and guilt, so on the outside, they appear to be able to hurt others in many ways, but feel NOTHING in their conscience. They are like crabs, clawing their way to the top of a container, stepping on other crabs to get there...although, once someone is "wined and dined" by the N enough, they often will simply help the "king or queen crab" out of the container, and then dump the other crabs onto dry land to ROT, while the rescuer (henchman) and the N, watch the crabs struggle and DIE.
Just my own point of view from experience
~Laura
