Understanding the N

[poetprose]

ok so is this a correct understanding of N, when I saw that the ego (machine carnal person) is bullying his inner authentic self into submission?


is this what happens to a person with full blown NPD?

[CB123]

poetprose,

I don't understand your question.  Are you commenting on something you have read on NPD?  If so, can you post an excerpt of the article, or give us a synopsis? 

By the way--welcome to the board!

CB

[reallyME]

poet, I'd have to answer your question "yes"

[debkor]

Poet,


Like Really Me said.  The answer is Yes.
 
If you are trying to understand what an N  is and why they do what they do (you will have plenty of information) if you are trying to figure out how others react with N's as they say (dance the dance) you will find that also. 
There is plenty to be learned here on the board lots of experience with this disorder. It's a safe place with validations/wisdom and a place to run when you feel like your mind has just gone through the kitchen blender. 
Dealing with an N and the people who they affect can be crazy making.  Especially when it's a family member. It is very difficult and stressful.  You can take comfort here.
We all try to help each other understand and get through things.

Love
Deb

[poetprose]

>>>poet, I'd have to answer your question "yes"<<<

ok so the inner authentic self is still exsistant though correct? it is not like they can not work through the problem with a professional councelor , 

[poetprose]

Poet,


Like Really Me said.  The answer is Yes.
 
If you are trying to understand what an N  is and why they do what they do (you will have plenty of information) if you are trying to figure out how others react with N's as they say (dance the dance) you will find that also. 
There is plenty to be learned here on the board lots of experience with this disorder. It's a safe place with validations/wisdom and a place to run when you feel like your mind has just gone through the kitchen blender. 
Dealing with an N and the people who they affect can be crazy making.  Especially when it's a family member. It is very difficult and stressful.  You can take comfort here.
We all try to help each other understand and get through things.

Love
Deb


Thankyou Deb, I see this N traits in all of the males in my husbands side of the family,,,, especially the grandfather, so it is like

Grandfather----> to son-----> to grandsons  Is this a gentic type of thing or learned behaviors or maybe both?

[debkor]

Poet,

As far as the cycle this is what I can see now that I educated myself through the board reading all the post.
My ex Nh’s father was the King of the N’s.  It was all about show.  He was a fake and emotionally abandoned his family.  He had a secret life with another woman and she was carrying his child while he was married to my ex’s mother.  He used or did not bother with anyone who got in his way including the woman who he was having the affair with and eventually married. My ex’s mother became an alcoholic. I’m not quite sure if she was one to begin with but when I met her she was. 
From being on the board I am able to puzzle somethings together on his family and the dynamics that took place.  I have learned quite a bit on here.
There was a lot of neglect and emotional abuse in my ex’s family.  He got dragged up to the apt. his dad was keeping with the new g/f at the time pregnant and a big confrontation taking place with his mom drunk.  My ex was the youngest so he kind of got left to fend for himself.  He was quiet from what I understand as a child. His sister was older and she was off doing her own thing, living her own life and surviving as best as she could and the oldest brother the same. 

I now can put into place that my ex NH did not have many different things then his dad did.  He fed off other peoples (supply) he was a phony as his own father and it was all about him. He was A God in his own World.  All the rules applied to everyone else in the world but not him.  He was not of this world.  He was above all us humans.  He was a super being and he was entitled to everything. We all were objects to him.  Props.  He did not have empathy.  He did not care about anyone. He did not love anyone.  He was great at acting though. He could fake his way through until some one would see it, question it, and they would be gone and on to his next supply.  They really know how to work it and trust me there is always someone to work it with.
I also remember I believe it was your post you spoke about your step sons sister who is not an N but enables her brother.  So did my h’s sister.  She is not an N.  She did not marry an N but she always felt guilt for my h and why he is the way he is.  She thought she failed him and should of spent more time/emotional with him.  She somehow felt guilt. She thought all he needed was a good kick in his ass and someone with a strong personality who would not take his crap and straighten him out.  She thought I could do that.  I was only supply, she was only supply. I still don’t’ think she ever got that. 
It is almost to horrific to come out of your denial and unmask and see what you really are dealing with. 
They manipulate and lie to no end.  I see them as an accident of nature. 
Now as far as the getting to the real self and is there hope.  I don’t want to discourage you but I would personally say (NO).  What you see is what you get even with therapy.  They manipulate the therapist and if they don’t they don’t stay very long in it. 
We all have looked for that little glimmer of hope that maybe they could change if we could just help them get to that hurt or make them realize how they are hurting others.  It is not going to happen if they are N’s.  They will take whatever you have to give and eat you up drain the very life out of you and when they do (and there is nothing left) they will already have the next victim set up for the supply.  This is a Narcissist Life.
Mine was in therapy for a short time but never followed through wound up in Jail just to become a career criminal. And that is where I left it.
So read the post and you will be able to put your thoughts more clearly and things together. 
BTW, has your step son ever been to a therapist?
Oh and my T thinks yes gentics can play a role. 

Love Deb

[poetprose]

Deb can I private email you or message you?  I would love someone to talk to about some things and i am nervous about doing it online ?

thx Poet..

[debkor]

Poet,

Sure you can. But I think it would be really good to share online with everyone.  We all have so many different things that happened to us that somewhere it becomes complete with putting the picture together.  I already knew so much of narcissim just to find even more info from the friends on here.

Love
Deb

[teartracks]

poetprose,

First hello and welcome.

I read the following and didn't quite get it, then I thought maybe I did get it.  It's bugging me that I may be missing out on a significant truth, so I thought, Why don't you just write poetprose a note and ask for her to write the question another way thereby helping me understand better.  So poetprose would you consider it?  I would so appreciate it.

  ok so is this a correct understanding of N, when I saw that the ego (machine carnal person) is bullying his inner authentic self into submission?

is this what happens to a person with full blown NPD?

teartracks

[poetprose]

Hi...teartracks

Is this better ?


Is my understanding of NPD correct if I believe  the ego bullies the inner child under submission?

[reallyME]

Poetprose

I think maybe I could try and really simplify what you mean when you said what you did, about the "carnal machine" (perfect words there, by the way)

I think what I understand you to be saying is, " The narcissist tries to punish his own inner child."  I agreed with your statement too, because N's often tend to bully others, in order to find relief from having been bullied, ignored, over-glamorized as an "object" when they were children, so it makes sense, also, that they would become their own bullying parent as well.

I know that at one time, I was, in essence, "turned into" the inner child of a self-absorbed type of an adult, and then effectively "punished" by being ignored, made fun of and mistreated.  That's one of the things they often do...they see you as them when they were children, and they then can be the "punishing adult"

[moonlight52]

Poet and Laura ,

This quote says so much and my experience is similar to you RM  ......
To be able to see these behaviors and go on has been like an asteroid hitting me and everything not strong enough to go on being burned off.
And what is left ???? A deeper understanding of self worth.And this experience has let me move forward also has given me an awareness of fears
and to go beyond them...The bridge between me and my painful past has been crossed .Now I can truly share respect and compassion with others.

Poetprose
I know that at one time, I was, in essence, "turned into" the inner child of a self-absorbed type of an adult, and then effectively "punished" by being ignored, made fun of and mistreated.  That's one of the things they often do...they see you as them when they were children, and they then can be the "punishing adult"

moonlight

[Hopalong]

Moon,
This is so evocative, powerful and lovely at the same time:

To be able to see these behaviors and go on has been like an asteroid hitting me and everything not strong enough to go on being burned off.
And what is left ???? A deeper understanding of self worth.And this experience has let me move forward also has given me an awareness of fears
and to go beyond them...The bridge between me and my painful past has been crossed .Now I can truly share respect and compassion with others.

Thank you!

love
Hops