Queen of Sheba Retakes Her Throne

[Stormchild]

What's wrong about feeling more relief than grief when someone passes away?

Especially if one had a troubling or worse relationship with the person who passes?

Seems sane to me.  Not saintly.  Just sane and somewhat "normal".


nn

Absolutely agree, in fact I put up a separate thread about just this point.

There is a huge taboo about this issue, though.

A person has to be awfully strong and solid to be able to deal with this kind of situation at close range for a long time.

[Hopalong]

Busted.
I have a compassionate core that expands when I'm at peace, and then I don't feel awful things about my mother.

But at other times I feel exactly what you said, Stormy. I look forward to her passing so I can have this house my dad built all to myself. It's true.

I had a sense of space (I played loud music! I put out a different tablecloth! I MOVED a silver tray!)
during the weeks she was in PT that was intoxicating.

The adjustment back since Friday has been trying, but I feel okay.

I feel guilty not about neglecting her, because I don't....but the greedy and wicked thought about the house--yup. I haven't unpacked my own belongings in so long...imagining being able t do that...

But. Once that day comes, I will find out. And I'll either be staying or going and if I have to go, that will be hard ... but I will make myself happy and cozy somewhere else.

So meanwhile, I need to stay in the present and enjoy my days. My small room is a pleasant place, really. And I do have my dog! (Whom Mom calls her dog, which began right after hers died.)

Hops

[Stormchild]

Wishing you peace, Hops, starting at the center, solid as a rock, and enduring as the stars.

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Stormy.

It's a beautiful day here, and that helps.
Mom had and rough night so we were both up and down.

Hops

[gratitude28]

Oh ((((((Hops))))))))

I don't know how you can live with your mom. I would go nuts. I go crazy after an hour of being with mine.
All of this thread is true... and awful... and... true. Honestly, I wonder how I will feel when I don't have to deal with being treated with disprespect and like an object. I just don't know. I feel like I should feel guilty... but I am not sure I will.

Storm, it took great courage to point out these difficult truths. Hopes, you are so brave to face all of this.

Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

Hey CB,
What it was, was, I was backsliding there.
I really am okay.

I had just had 3 weeks to feel some space, and she came back, peeing on the fireplugs, so to speak. I had to adapt to her presence again and she was acting out her resentment at having been stuck in PT when she thought she didn't need it. She's calmed down and so have I.

She not only doesn't want to move into assisted living, but we can't afford it. Only way she goes into such care would be nursing care, following some future incident. We'll just keep taking it day by day. I'm normally pretty good at distracting myself!

Thanks for caring, hon.

Hops

[Sela]

This won't last forever Hops.

Sending you patience and earplugs and a good book and vitamin pills and prayers and a big

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sela

[teartracks]

Hops,

You're amazing!

You inspire me.

teartracks

[Hopalong]

I had a T say to me once, it doesn't matter what a fantasy is.
You're a good person because you don't act on them.

After I asserted the new boundaries and saw her respect them I felt an unexpected wave of love for her last night, went down to give her a hug and tell her I was glad she is home safe, and she was snoring.

It really is true that when you stand up to an N, they often fizzle. (She even had issued her usual threat to "call my brother" the first evening, so I went to the phone a short while later, called him myself, and put her on the phone. I think she realized even that gambit won't work any more. He's got his hands full with his own family and I had kept him well in the loop while she was ill.)

Hops

[gratitude28]

CB, Hops, All,
Isn't it funny that in a way it's OK to wish your husband dead, but no matter how evil your parents are that seems a horrid thought? It just struck me when I was reading CB's answer here...
Love, Beth

[debkor]

CB and Hops,

Don't feel bad I often looked at Social Security to see if my ex was deceased and when I found nothing. I would *sigh*.
I never got a dime of child support and never enforced it. Out of sight/Out of mind. My kids got to grow up with out that crazy.  If I enfoced support he would of enforced visitation. So we both won.

Love
Deb