CRAZY

[Healing&Hopeful]

((((((((OC))))))))))

Have you got any holiday booked?  Or can you book any holiday soon?  As maybe a break from work, and if you can totally get away may really help to give you the time and space to think things through, as well as the option to have a really good search for alternative work.

Remember, throughout it all, it isn't you....  One thing that I did realise was that a lot of what I was feeling, anger, frustration etc, was my reaction to what he was doing, rather than an irrational response.

Take care of you ok?

Love H&H xx

[oc]

Laying in bed.  Praying.  Being still.  A movie tonight.  My daughters 16 Birthday tomorrow at moms house.  first time I will have seen her since Wednesday when I walked out.  It will be ok-superficial nicey Nice.  I am being lazy really.  waiting for the phone to ring with a new job opp.

[Healing&Hopeful]

Laying in bed.  Praying.  Being still.  A movie tonight.  My daughters 16 Birthday tomorrow at moms house.  first time I will have seen her since Wednesday when I walked out.  It will be ok-superficial nicey Nice.  I am being lazy really.  waiting for the phone to ring with a new job opp.

Fingers crossed that the phone will ring very soon with that new job opportunity!!!  Take care xxxx

[Sela]

Hiya Oc/Kell:

Well.  Isn't it something when one reaches the end of their rope?  It's like suddenly a light goes on and sirens start up and little brain cells engines kick in that get a whole army of anger cells marching, fully armoured, in to battle the one who pushed too far.  And bombs drop and explosions happen and for once, the voice just lets go and is allowed to be free to express what is being pent up.  Quite a release eh?

I'm glad you're seriously looking for another job.  I think that is a good thing to do because your mother is just not reasonable.  Dealing with unreasonable people all the time can drive a person bonkers eh?  So I wish you the best of luck in finding a good job, with decent pay, that you enjoy doing, with a boss who is reasonable!

As for tomorrow........I say good for you for going, in the first place!  For not upsetting your daughter's birthday!  Imagine a clear plastic shield around yourself that will not let your mother's unreasonable behaviour through.  One that you can see through but that just won't let her senselessness in.   You can be polite and pleasant and act as if nothing new has happened and just.....ignor whatever your mother does to cause disruption!   Act deaf.  Change the subject.  State that you now have to go purge in the rest room.  Whatever!  You can even decide to enjoy yourself, if you want to!   Hey!  Why not?  It's a celebration!!

Sela

[oc]

Well, no worries about the party tomorrow.  My husband has always been amazed how we can compartmentalized our issues.  We will all walk around as if nothing happened on Wednesday.  I am glad we can do that.  My brother couldn't and he hated my ex so much that we were all not together for five years.  When I finally got rid of him, my bro came around.

The party will be fun.  I told my mom what I really wanted to be was a good mom.  That is the most important thing to me.  My daughter called today and she made the Varsity Football cheerleading squad and I am geniunely happy for her!!!  Love my kids.  Hey, how can I love when my nmom cannot?  Well, my whole life I have done the complete opposite of what my nmom does.  The way I have raised my kids.  The way I act in public.  The way I approach Christianity.  It is amazing.  My nmom pushed "religion" down my throat and somehow I have been able to look past the crooked way she approached it and am now a new kind of Christian - far less pious - judgmental, etc.

I am so angry with nmom.....but I have come to the point that I realize it is NOT me.......and so she can think I am a basket case all she wants..............that doesn't make it so.  The only reason I am a basket case is that I have been locked up with a crazy woman for years!!!

[oc]

So my mom calls the bookkeeper into her office today and basically says she cannot run the business without me.  Bookkeeper says obviously it doesnt work for you two to work together so why dont you let her try to run it?  It will never happen because she has to be in charge.  I will keep you all posted.

[oc]

So much in charge that she emailed me to remind me to do something I already took care of.  Something that really was not any of her concern but her motto is "following through on your follow through!"

[Overcoming]

Well, the party went well - REALLY WELL!  Of course, my nmom was avoidant at first.  But I try to compartmentalize my life.  The party had nothing to do with work so I have no problem with nmom in that arena.  I know that on Friday she told the bookkeeper that she couldn't run it without me.  I thought about not going in again tomorrow.  Because I guess it would REALLY make a statement if I just didn't go in.  I kind of want my mom to call and ask me when I am coming in so I can say............."I'm looking for another job and I cannot bear the thought of coming in....."  "I am afraid if I come in, you will ask me to do a bunch of stuff again and I told you I will not do anything you ask of me."  They did call me the other day and ask me to do something that no one else could do - another reason I said, "If you think you can run it without me then go ahead and try.."  So I told them to call someone and they would walk them through it.  Basically saying NO I will not come in and do it.

I don't know.  The thought of going in makes me sick to my stomach.

[Stormchild]

((((((((((Kell))))))))))

Oh how I know that queasy feeling.

[Overcomer]

Well I plan on telling my mom that I was serious about leaving.  I fully expect her to think I was mad and after awhile I will get over it.  Moral support needed!!

[poetprose]

>>>I  am knee deep in my own determination  .  When I can come up for air, I'll let you know how it turns out!<<<<<

oh! i just love that quote  

[Hopalong]

OC...
Will she think it's crying wolf, or another sally in the ongoing drama?
Would it be better for you to just plan as you keep applying, and just tell her when it's real?

Hops

[Gaining Strength]

I am 100% behind whatever you decide you need to do. I know it is  very, very difficult position to be in so you have my support on what ever decision and actions you take. - GS

[Overcomer]

Well I want to give her the option of leaving and letting me run the place but tell her that I WILL leave he not so SHE has a choice to make.  Meanwhile I have applied to lots but am not getting the calls I need.

[Overcomer]

Wanted you all to know that the leads for jobs have all but dried up.  I went to Careerbuilder and nothing.  I went to Monster and nothing.  I am really in limbo land.  I have taken so much time off.  I just thought I would check in on this thread and say that I just wish I knew what the perfect job will be for me!!!

But boy, after the four months of jerking around by the other company and now no good leads.  It is funny.  I apply for several jobs.  Some that I never in a million years think will call me for an interview do.  And those I really think I would be a perfect fit for, blow me off.  I have so many years of retail management experience.  Sales experience.  Restaurant Management experience.  Training experience.  So when I retail place has an ad and says you need at least five years retail management experience and I have 13 and they don't call me, I wonder what they want???