Thank you everyone--
I have been trying to count the times in therapy--
1.) age 19 --was lonley and cried a lot
2.) age 28-- to talk about my daughter's father and help me try to make a decision whether to stay with him. He said NOT. I did for 4 more months.
3.) age29-30 Was a lonley single mother, regretting I had to leave D'ter while I went to work to support us--nothing from her father.--interrupted by the car crash.
4.) age-43 about same old nothing in life, then into Group Therapy-very bad for me.
5.) about age 48--after d'ter was married, lived in filth with new baby, and I was depressed
6.) age 53--when I had been dismissed by her N husband and had no one.
Since I went for therapy and had no positive results, I have consistently wondered what was wrong with me. I was vulnerable to an N relationship--never saw it coming and 1998 was the year. I finally left him in 2002---I was flatter than a pancake, almost catatonic now with life!
When d'ter was growing up
I gave her love and hugs, and direction and talk.
She had lessons in baton, gym, swimming,. She went to church and to summer Bible camps 6 summers in a row. The summer she was 16, I counted that as a turning point and it was time for her to get a summer job and learn other facts of life. I attended all her string concert events as well as P/T night. We went to Nashvile TN, I drove. She was 8. We flew to New Orleans in '81 to see my friends in Baton Rouge. She was 17 and the daughters there took her in hand re makeup and hair style. She kept it up, and pierced ears etc, until she was isolated on the Ns farm.
She had nice boyfriends all the while. They came to see me even when they knew she was away. One was a chess guy and we played. (He always won) One was born her exact day, May 13, 1964. They were very close. I really liked him but he was drawn to be a priest. One was older and I wondered about him, but he was nice to me, came when I was weeding the flower beds, went into the house for a beer for both of us and just sat on the ground, bumming his way along with me.
At age 19, no jobs in our bedroom city, so I suggested Toronto where she/we had relatives and friends she could stay with, for room and board and have her job. Instead she stayed with a friend I had known for 52 years.--through whom she met the N and our friendship ended. My friend felt so guilty she couldn't face me. We saw each other last in 1986 when first g'child was born.
I will definitely grant that I overthink. I have been analyzing for all the years I knew somethhing was wrong with me. I am alsosuseptible to others problems and they often become mine and I cannot solve them either.
The biggest mistake I made was to go on that date on June 6, 1969 and be gone a year. Maybe she is ashamed of a wheelchair mother, but then I know she is overweight now, also in therapy ands so are the 2 kids with her. She must be going through hell with that, and losing her son to the N father.
Both of us are not stupid., but maybe we ought to stay apart. The therapist asked me last week and I answered in that vein.
I cannot rectify us, as I believe she knows it was her choice in husbands, and the timing, that wrecked everything. And she had been a fan of Charles and Diana, look at the age difference, both married at 20 etc.
Could I stop her? NO!!!!!
Will I ever be better. I don't KNOW!
Izzy
