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And then, there was silence . . .

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RedRose:
:)

I've been reading through posts, and so many points catch my eye.  I have read many times about how, when attempting civil conversations with the N person, the N person can no longer stand what you are saying, so the N person hangs up.  Just like that.

My mother has done this to me several times in the past, including during my teen years when I wasn't living with her.  It was just one more thing that led to anger I both felt and suppressed.

Then, several years later, when I was stronger and sick of her shite, I hung up the phone on her.  I was calm during the conversation, but when she went into something -- most likely a tirade of my "offensive" behavior or some grand idea about something, I hung up on HER.

If I remember correctly, she called me back or brought it up later that I had hung up on HER.  BINCH!  was all I could think.  So I said to her, "You've hung up on me several times in the past, for no good reason."

Denial.  

I remember when I hung up on my boyfriend.  We were young, and I wasn't the epitome of communication.  He let me know how that felt.  I have learned so much from him.  We've been married twelve years, now.

I remember thinking why can't my mother just at least say good-bye, I can't talk about this, now, instead of just a cold, hard click from the receiver.  

It wasn't as though these were passionate arguments that normal people have from time to time and someone may hang up and feel bad about it, later.  No, it happened quite a bit.  With no apology or thinking on her part that it just may be HER.

This was just one more thing that added to the feeling of being unloved and without value.  In a subconscious way, when you're in the thick of it, you don't know which end is up, so you begin to form defense mechanisms.

How many of you have had the sudden phone click treatment during a conversation with your N?  Was it several times over the years?  How did you feel?  Enraged?  Sad?  Finally indifferent?  As though, you accept it.  That's the way they are going to be.

Portia:
....

RedRose:
Portia,

I don't know if anyone else has done it, but I do know that the way people act are most often a result of the environment in which they were raised.  Most likely, it is a manisfestation of being N and the N developing her own coping mechanisms.  Studying other humans and ourselves could take several lifetimes, no?   :)

As for tele-sales people, I have lost patience with them.  The fact you stated -- that they KNOW most people cannot just leave the phone -- really irritates the hell out of me.  It's a type of emotional blackmail, and I despise it.  I no longer answer the phone when I think a solicitor is showing on caller ID, and I have the balls to say, "No, I'm not interested, thank you," and if the person keeps digging, I will say, "Good-bye," and hang up.  Fortunately, most sales people will now respect you when you say, "I'm not interested," and the call ends there.

Lizbeth:
I find I've become very effective against sales people on the telephone because I answer the phone at my job all day long (among other duties).  I can usually tell it's a sales person after they speak their first few words.
They have a tone to their voice or an attitude.  We are on the "do not call list" (even businesses can sign up) so I can tell them that we are on the Federal Do Not Call List and if they call us again, they will be reported.  My pet peeve is also junk faxes.  I've been working on eliminating them at home and office as well.  I think I take some of my long repressed anger out on junk fax peddlers  :o



--- Quote from: RedRose ---Portia,

I don't know if anyone else has done it, but I do know that the way people act are most often a result of the environment in which they were raised.  Most likely, it is a manisfestation of being N and the N developing her own coping mechanisms.  Studying other humans and ourselves could take several lifetimes, no?   :)

As for tele-sales people, I have lost patience with them.  The fact you stated -- that they KNOW most people cannot just leave the phone -- really irritates the hell out of me.  It's a type of emotional blackmail, and I despise it.  I no longer answer the phone when I think a solicitor is showing on caller ID, and I have the balls to say, "No, I'm not interested, thank you," and if the person keeps digging, I will say, "Good-bye," and hang up.  Fortunately, most sales people will now respect you when you say, "I'm not interested," and the call ends there.
--- End quote ---

Portia:
Red Rose, you said:


--- Quote ---I have the balls to say, "No, I'm not interested, thank you," and if the person keeps digging, I will say, "Good-bye," and hang up.
--- End quote ---

Look how polite you are! ‘Thank you’ and telling them you’ll hang up with your ‘goodbye’! This is why what your mother does is quite odd. Does she still do it? Does she talk throughout the calls about herself? Are you required to join in? Or does she take offence at the tiniest thing and hang up?

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