Grandma to my Dad --4 letters from -1936 to 1943 as she wrote them--sic

[isittoolate]

Bradford, Ont. 26 Nov/36
Dear Joel - I see you so seldom any more that I have not had a chance to talk to you for some time alone and as I am alone to-day I thought I would write an make a suggestion to you again it seems as though circumstances are against us both an when they are against you they are against us, so now I will tell you that if you can get a place or if you can hire to some good place I will give you off everything you owe us except the remainder ofthe 1935 payment which we will need to do us until we could get going again The insurance down there will be due in another year and I am afraid you will not be able to pay it and we wont either. we will give you back the hundred dollars for the four cows if you wish to sell them of course we would expect you to leave us some feed and grain when you get straightened up and come back we will leave you some fall wheat in as we did when we left before you know Joel I am not writing this because I am vexed with you for I am not vexed in the least and my heart aches for you. you have no idea how much. but you know Joel things have not worked out as either you or I expected unforeseen things have happened which neither of us expected and I dont blame you for I know you think you have done the best you could But Joel it is too far for Tommy to walk to and fro to try to get things in shape to make a little money to help us out. and if you are given clear of the 1936 payment and start free of debt again maby you will have better luck some where else now as Mr. Hindle has to hire a man and also needs help in the house why not try to hire to him you seem to get on good with them and they seem to get on good with each other you see Joel my things are wearing out in the house sheets towls etc. and how an I going to renew them I guess you will know a little bit by this time what it takes to keep a house going. I never told Tommy I was going to write to you so he can not possibly be blamed for it and I do not think you have any reason to be vexed at me about it either as you will get just the same in the end if you continue to be as good as you have been but for the merest I dont see how either of us are going to manage because we have got to live and we have no way to live except you pay and if you cant pay now there is not much use letting a debt pile up of this sort. we have never mentioned to a soul that we have not got our payments if things had gone as we bothe expected or thought they would we would have been able to have all managed fine. we both worry about you and are so sorry for you and we have both done all we could if you had of had to pay for all the turns Tommy has done for you it would have cost quite a few dollar but he always said he was glad to help you all he could but he is getting old and won't be able for it much longer
If you could only fall into a bunch of money as easily and quickly as Wesley did we were very glad of it as it will be a great encourage for him he can now stand a few years strain. but you got knocked flat your first year which seems the worst. I believe you and Mr. Hindle would get along together alright and maby you would have a chance to regain your health if you did not have to work so hard. Well think this over and see what you can do before spring. with the best of love from Mother
PS
You have made a lot of money Joel since you have been there but for some reason it seems to be all gone a place for it before you got it in your hands you know we warned you about going in debt and now would you not have been just as well off if you had not bought that cow of Carter or that sow from us you would not have had either of those debts over you but maby experience will teach you but remember she is sometimes a stem teacher and costly for when you cant pay those people if is just that much against your credit and Joel Sometimes one standing a distance away can see others mistakes more quickly and more plainly than they can themselves I think it was another big mistake your getting your car fixed with Licence etc. at that time of year if you had taken that money and paid Carter or the Doctor which you should have done it would have been some benefit for your money but the car to sit all winter. You should have known it would. Seems just that much money thrown away. I went and got what little intrest was at the Bank and sold my chickens or I would not have had a cent of money for some time as I gave the ten dollars you sent me last to Tommy to pay the taxes. Another big mistake for you as well as us was that you did not get another place and go to it when we could have helped you. But now we cant even help ourselves and I know this all worries you to much too. if we should use our money in the bank and then die how would our burriel expences get payed I look at that for your good as we will have to be got in the ground some way. I hate to write this to you but you also know I hate to ask for money as I have been used to making my own money for a good many years. If we had not had a bit of our own when we came here we would have had a bare living now for two hears and over. Now Joel don't be hurt about this letter for I do not mean to hurt you but it is best to be plain with each other on business and I am afraid you will need some experiences before you will make a success again I say good by with Love

Bradford, ant Jan 5/38
Dear Joel- I hear you are buying chop by the tone which is a thing we never did while we lived there also molasses which we always managed without I should think you would have had heavy grass enough that you could have fatted your pigs with out so much expence if you would do as we used to do feed your pigs three times aday as other folks do who get them off in much less time than you do Theo Crittenden tried fatting his pigs feeding them twice aday and he saw a big difference when old Jim told him to feed the pigs properly anyone with reason would know that you cant fat pigs by starving them you nearly set me crazy to do such a fool trick as to hire Hartley to drive over to Cookstown while you went in the Car I suppose you could not possibly pass a day and not go in the car
We used to pay or put in the bank as much money each year as it cost you to pay us and were always doing some improvements you can count for yourself see the wire fence a 1000 rods besides all the other improvements we did. Which you have not had to do but soon you will or things will look pretty shabby. You make more noney than we did according to what you say but you spend it in some fool thing so you never know you made it if you try to take [patren?] and keep up with Mr. Hindle and Wesley you will find yourself just where Stanley found himself trying to keep up with Lloyd and Nell we have tried our best to be as easy on you as we could but I guess you have forgotton how we walked of and left you the hay and grain and now if we want a bit of feed it is weighed out to us to the pound left all the fall wheat there that grew and then bought your seed fall wheat also seed barley but if we want any you will have to buy yourself you could just as well have gone down and helped a bit at the wood as you always have done and some wood trom down there but you could not afford to work any more for nothing.
now we have got to go at it and do something to make some money to live on for by the time your pigs are sold the money will all be gone the same as usual the other time it was for a car and now it will be to keep the car in repair. You make me so provoked I don't know what to do. they way you are running things it is easy to be seen you soon wont have any thing to run
I hate like every thing to say this but it is all true and you know it. We never used to do such things and be constantly spending money and getting nothing of value fore it I know you will be mad when you read this but you are no better to be mad than I am the way. you do down there you keep me mad most of the time. If you people would be as saving as we are we could all live comfortable. Just compare what we live on to what it costs you live to say nothing about your other experiences and Joel you knew how things were run there and you will find out if you keep on you will bee run under before much longer because no two hundred or four hundred acres would keep you up the way you spend money
Now you go and insure your cattle and furniture (a thing we never did) you spend money for that and what return have you on a house or barn it is different because that has got to be rebuilt but for furniture or cattle that is foolishness only for wealthy people who have money to throwaway now before you get to mad just think this thing over and you will say it is all true I believe you are honest enough for that I will close now unless I think of some thing else Emma Latham
PS now Joel I am not mad at you but it is just the way you do things we have been putting off starting at our wood to give you a chance to work at yours and now we have just got to get at ours while he can get it home you go way down to Wesleys but could not get down to our bush you had not the time and we would have excused that if you had not gone away down there to work Joel you are a 1000 miles different to what you were when you were married.

Bradford, Ont. Aug 31/39
Well Joel I was pretty well provoked when Tommy came home again and told me there was no one there to work with now this is several times he has gone down to help you when he thought you need_ help but apparently you are in such good shape with your work you do not need any help and now I am going to see he does not run down again and use gas which we have no money to buy to help you when you have not intrest enough in your own work which I know needs doing so badly if a rain comes on your grain again and you cant get it in when the threshing is around maby it will bring you to your sences for you must surely be crazy to go again to day after spending the biggest part of the week down at Crawfords already and leaving your own grain out when you ought to know the rainy season may come on at any time now as it usually does along the fore part of September I beleive in doing any thing in reason to help in distress but you always go to extreme. You are only helping Crawford to get his work done so he will have more time to spend at Bradford.when Harold Bell would not finish digging the grave till he got his pay Tommy told Harold he would stand good for it and Tommy came home and told me and I gave him ten dollars of the money I had laid away that I had got for my cow which I was keeping if I should buy another cow which money I would not touch to buy any thing for ourselves and the ten dollars you gave and told me to buy me a dress I would not use a cent for any thing for my self for I knew we would need it to buy feed for the hens and pigs since we got that ten dollars we had to use $240 for wheat and I do not know how much for the pigs and the few hens we have cannot be expected to feed us they do well but not that well when we have every thing to buy and Tommy had to go and get ten dollars out of the bank that is all gone for we let Crawford have fifteen dollars we were only to glad to be able to help him in time of need but we know him well enough to know as soon as this passes over again he would do us dirt. just the same as ever but that did not hinder us from helping him now when he sorely need it but I think we have all done enough and your first duty now is to do your own work you keep yourself worried to death by your own foolish actions as soon as you get a little over one thing you are into something else you make more money than the general run of farmer but you get through with your money we dont know where it goes for we don't see how in the world you can pay your man, the doctor and all the rest and pay us any thing it is we who have the worrying to do we are almost worried to death. now last year you were at no expence for a man and yet you could not pay us much and what will it be this year when you have so much to pay. of course we are always the ones to go with out no matter who owes us we are always the last. but we don't care so much about that if we knew what became of all the money you make and could see something for it. now I will tell you what you had better do you your own sake and peace of mind for I haven't a doubt but that you worry too much too. so here it is if I were you I would sell what ever of your young cattle you can even if it takes them all and pay up what you owe this fall and get a clean sheet I believe you could clear your self by selling your young cattle and along with what pigs you will have to sell and just see how much you mind will be relieved to be out of debt once more. you were left free of debt to start with but have never been free of debt since the first your of course I would not sell the cows you want just the young cattle you can do without and now when you want Tommy to come to help you will have to let him know you will be home and if there is any thing I have not said I may think of it later and write agaIn.
Youll know who this is from

Bradford, Ont No 11/43
Dear Joel- some way I felt as though I should tell you to consider well if you have done enough plowing you know you might just as well have a full days threshing as part of a day and you know when you beginning to roll down hill the farther you go the faster and that six hundred dollars you put in that car will be a long time being replaced.
you will no doubt say it is none of my business and maby it is not but you folks have a lot to learn yet to know how to deal with a dealer now I know you really needed another car. but I also know that you might have got a good car for just half what you paid for that one and see what the three hundred dollars would have done to fix up your place and still have money left. But don't be like so many were in the last war they thought they would always be making money and then came the big slump which ruined so many but we went right along without feeling it too much for we were saving while we were making money and when the slump came (as it will again) we had some thing to fall back on held in reserve Ill bet you dollars to doughnuts you have been sorry before this. you see I know that car that Stanly got it must be eight years ago just cost him three hundred and twenty five dollars and it was a nice car when they got it and must have been a good car to run so long and he did not pay cash at the time either which should and does make a lot of difference. and Joel "Haw Haw" you thought you were so cute about not telling me where you were that day I knew it never took you all that time to go to Bradford Haw, Haw. well I do hope you have not made a mistake about not getting more plowing done as it seems to me sheaves are easier handled than so much hay. but I don't suppose it makes any difference what I think anyway but it seems to me you don't take much intrest any more like you used to and please don't get in that sloven way that you don't take any pride in the looks of your place when a little fixing makes such a difference I do hope and pray that I never grow sloven I hope God takes me when I get so I don't take pride in keeping what is in my care deacent now I don't mean this for a scolding but do be careful for there is a long winter ahead and you have a big family to feed and clothe it will take a lot of money before spring Mother

[CB123]

Izzy,

Those were so interesting!  Really gives a bit of insight into your dad's FOO.  I don't know about you, but I would have started tearing my hair out if I kept getting letters like that.  Wasnt your dad an adult when he was getting those letters from his mom?  Did she think he was incompetent?

What did you think of them?

CB

[isittoolate]

hi CB
Dad amd Mom were married in 1934 and took over Grandma's farm, while she and third husband, Tommy, moved elsewhere.

What did I thiink? I saw that a mother was heaping guilt and shame on her son. She had to be in control. I see that in none of those letters did she refer to mom or the children except for in passing--that he was married--that he had mouths to feed. She yapped about the money he owed her and she needed burail expenses and diedda bout 20 years after those letters.

She wanted visiting to be Dad one Sunday, while mom and the kids stayed home, and Mom the next Sunday, while Dad and the kids stayed home.

He had too many kids, so if that bothered his mother then he beat us to get even, I guess.

Talk about generational defect.

Izzy

[Hopalong]

Izzy thank you for that piece of history.

It also taught me how terribly hard, so much harder than we can imagine, so many people have worked.

I caught the shaming and scolding but also the profound thrift. Amazing documents.

Hops