I need help

[raina1972]

I just don't know where to begin.  I married a very abusive man...he almost completely destroyed me the first time that I was with him.  He abused me physically and mentally. I stayed away from him for 8 years.  He has not changed.   The first two times he was I took him back recently, he cheated and verbally abused me.  The Current time that I have taken him back, he said that god had changed him........then later changed it to he changed himself.  He is abusive to to point that he jumped on the hood of my car and bent it in when I tried to leave.  He tells me that all of the problems that we have in our relationship are my fault not his.  How do I leave him...

[axa]

Raina,

CB is right - go to a shelter.  Do you have friends/family/anyone who can give you a safe place to get away from him.  You gave him opportunities to change He has not.  SAVE YOURSELF and keep posting here.

Axa

[poetprose]

I just don't know where to begin.  I married a very abusive man...he almost completely destroyed me the first time that I was with him.  He abused me physically and mentally. I stayed away from him for 8 years.  He has not changed.   The first two times he was I took him back recently, he cheated and verbally abused me.  The Current time that I have taken him back, he said that god had changed him........then later changed it to he changed himself.  He is abusive to to point that he jumped on the hood of my car and bent it in when I tried to leave.  He tells me that all of the problems that we have in our relationship are my fault not his.  How do I leave him...

You just totally "disconnect"from him... mentally emotionally physcially , have you got somewhere else to say to be safe?

[Gaining Strength]

You have left before so you know you can do it again.   This time you can get help to prevent yourself from going back.  CB's suggestion is so good.  When you are with other women who have been through similar circumstances you get encouragement and understanding that will grow your own strength and resolve.  You can do this - you have done it before. - Gaining Strength

[debkor]

Raina,

I agree with everyone else.  GET OUT!! NOW! 

I have nothing to say but the truth.  I have worked in a counseling agency where we had children who were coming in for therapy because of their abusive father who hit and terrorized their mother until one day he snapped and beat her unconscious in front of them only to pour gasoline on their mother and let them watch her be burnt to death.
She was waiting/hoping for him to change.  Now she's dead and her kids are scared for life.

There was another woman who had twins and her husband beat her. She left and went to a woman's center with her children.  He promised to get help. She said he did not touch her children only her and was willing to give it another try.
She went back, he beat her and broke one of the child's leg. He was 2. 
She escaped with her life and her children's. She never went back.
She lived.

I also can relate. I too was hit, spit on, went on a maniac terror (drive the car through red lights) going to be thrown out a window while pregnant and the ultimate *gun* going to be shot but God saved me, the doors on my car broke and he could not get in to get the gun. 
I got out, He went to Jail, I have not seen him in 14 or 15 years, nor did my children.
I survived and I"m Happy. 
PLEASE, PLEASE GET OUT!!!!!
Your not thinking clearly right now, so I'm going to do it for you.   GETTTTTTT OUTTTTT NOWWWWW.

If it is your place and you can get him out then do that unless you feel he will come back to get you.
Then you go.   Get yourself safe and work from there.

If it's a shelter, a family  members house, a friend, DO IT!!!
He will kill you if he gets that chance. 
HE IS CRAZY, PSYCHOPATH who wants to HARM YOU!!!!! 

I'm am sorry for being so intense but I do know the deal!!!

Am I trying to SCARE YOU!!  YES I AM. 

You do not deserve to be Hit or terrorized  even if you had faults.  That's his abusive bullshit talk working you!!
He almost destroyed you before and has come back to finish the job. 
This is all he is about!! Will ever be about!!
You got out before get out again and this time NO going back.
Save yourself.

Please take action right now!!!

Let us know if you are OK.

Love
Deb

[Hopalong]

Raina,

Being owned is not being loved.

We will be here...you can talk to us, we'll walk with you.

You have to leave, and you know you do...that's why you wrote...

Please trust the part of you that made this decision.
YOU CAN MAKE THE NEXT ONE.

Sending resolve to you. You deserve a better life.

Hopalong

[Confounded]

I feel for you.  You don't want to give up.  You want to believe that something, anything can make your situation turn out well.  You want the happy ending.  That was what was promised to us, right?  But he keeps doing crazy things, which terrify you.  You decide that it has to end.  Then he does something sane, and you think that maybe you overreacted, or perhaps that he will follow you, or even that this is just the way the world is.  So you hesitate.  A day is good, or at least not bad, so you wait and see.  It is so HARD to turn one's life upside-down, and it seems so unfair, since you're trying to just live and let live.

But you say in no uncertain terms that he has not changed.  You seem to know in your heart that he will not change.  From what you describe, he is a menace to your health, both physical and emotional.

I hope that there is some way for you to locate the path that leads away from him.  The advice that you might find helpful company at a women's shelter or a women's center seems like a very good idea.  Once you talk with the people involved in a place that specializes in these matters, you might find it easier to create a plan that leads away from him, permanently.  He just sounds too dangerous.  You risk your life being with him.  You deserve to be happy, not terrified.  Life is too short for that, and it could be very short.  Don't end up on the news.  Just go.  Get help and get away.  Please.