Margo's temp hearing

[Margo]

I'm not exactly sure what happened but.... the jude dismissed my divorce action.  Hmmm..... the good new is... I have a restraining order and a freeze on property.  I think.  I'm sure about the no contact with me or the children but.... I'm still stunned that the judge dismissed.  He's maybe not sure if I really want this or not, I'm told.  I have no intention of violating the order and am already enjoying time with the girls in N free space.  It feels like the house has been excorcised of a demon. 

Another good thing.... the judge will continue to hear this case and he's set another temp hearing for June 12th.  The contempt charges go away but N will still be accountable for all his actions?  Not really sure how that's true but..... I'm going to go very low profile and enjoy this time with my girls.  I can't tell you how much better I feel with him out of my space.  Even if the Judge doesn't quite get it yet.  Eventually, I have to believe he will. 

I will say this.... I should have just gone to the police, regardless of what my attorney said.... and to be fair... he was having his gallbladder out when the hit man threats came about.  I should have reported the threats and screamed for a restraining order till I got one.   My being subjected to his emotional abuse all those months, after I was already shellshocked from the physical assault.... should never have been allowed to take place.  Margo

[mudpuppy]

Margo,

the jude dismissed my divorce action

Not sure I get this. On what grounds did he dismiss it? I don't think judges have the discretion to just say, 'I don't think you're serious' and then dismiss a case, but, never having been involved in a divorce, maybe they do. Was your husband asking for a dismissal? Even if he was there has to be some actual legal basis for it. Do you know any more today? Sounds kind of weird.

mud

[Margo]

Dear Margo,
  I was thinking about you today. I am so Happy that  things went well for you. You deserve a little peace. It was amazing how people's post's seemed to help you - even more than your own attorney.
 I guess that there is no substitute for people having gone through it. Get a Good Night's sleep and God Bless You        Ami

Hi Ami:

Things could have gone a lot better for me but...... at least, as you say,  I will have some peace, as far as I can control.  Still tryng to figure out if N is going to move 2 doors away.  The girls will see him and try to go to him.... he can't interact with them and where does that put them.... where does that leave me?  If he starts spending time there.... it'll create chaos.  

My attorney expects me to keep my 4 and 6yo girls inside at all times.  Just in case he shows up.  "Take them to the park if they want to play outside" he said.  What about when I'm making dinner?  Do I have to nail all the doors shut so they don't ::gasp:: ride their new bikes in the driveway or go out and walk barefoot in the grass?  I can do my best and it's only till June 12th.  Must cancel much needed appt with therapist tomorrow bc N can't take 6yo to her field day.... It's EXACTLY duringt my appointment time.  ::shaking head::  Little problems in the scope of things but those appts have been very important to me.  Margo

[Margo]

Margo,

the jude dismissed my divorce action

Not sure I get this. On what grounds did he dismiss it? I don't think judges have the discretion to just say, 'I don't think you're serious' and then dismiss a case, but, never having been involved in a divorce, maybe they do. Was your husband asking for a dismissal? Even if he was there has to be some actual legal basis for it. Do you know any more today? Sounds kind of weird.

mud

If there is intimacy between the parties it is a sign that they are working on the marriage.  It doesn't have to be true and in this it's not but.... he didn't want to hear from the therapist or the witness.  He was basically punishing me but not letting N completely off the hook..... which I think he could have done.  He wants to see what each party does over till the next temp hearing set for June

[Margo]

Margo,

the jude dismissed my divorce action

Not sure I get this. On what grounds did he dismiss it? I don't think judges have the discretion to just say, 'I don't think you're serious' and then dismiss a case, but, never having been involved in a divorce, maybe they do. Was your husband asking for a dismissal? Even if he was there has to be some actual legal basis for it. Do you know any more today? Sounds kind of weird.

mud

I had sexual contact with N bc of his threats and I thought it would keep him from tearing my life apart.   The judge considers that I may not be seriouse about wanting out of this marriage because of it.  He believed that I was telling the truth about the threats and violence however and that's why I have a restraining order. 

He also hasn't completely made me start over.  He's keeping the case and he's a good judge.  Our estate has been frozen,  I think, and he has to answer to all he's done, though the contempt charges have gone away.  Margo

[Margo]

Ami.... I've been asking for a restraining order since before I filed. 

The support I get here definately helps me stay balanced though in that it's hard for anyone to understand what an N is capable of and how they operate.  Same thing with my T.  I get understanding and volumes of information those who have dealt with this before.  This board helps in lots of ways.... I just wish I had never stopped posting a while back.  Margo

[Brigid]

Margo,

t

he jude dismissed my divorce action.

I don't quite understand this either.  Just because you had sexual contact, the judge has the power to dismiss the divorce action?  Is your stbx contesting the divorce action and used the sex as a reason to delay things once again?  I think there are a number of people who would be guilty of having sex during divorce proceedings (I am not one of them, but have friends who did), but with all the other combative issues, I don't understand how that one thing could be reason for dismissal.

I never had to attend any of my pre-trial hearings.  My attorney went, told the judge we had not yet reached an agreement and she or he postponed it to a future date.  Most everything we did or decided was handled by the attorneys and the judge had very little involvement until the inability to reach a settlement got to be too long and we were ordered to go to mediation if we couldn't reach a settlement on our own.  We did finally end up using a mediator to finalize the financial aspect, which I highly recommend  if your stbx keeps jacking you around.  I never even went to court until the day the divorce was made final.

I really recommend that you have no contact with your h.  Require him to only deal with your attorney.  If your attorney doesn't go along with this, get a new one.  It sounds like you are a little unclear about what all happened at the hearing.  Make sure your attorney clarifies it all for you so your h cannot break any rules without consequences. 

Just remember that your h is really a giant coward inside, and he can huff and puff, but can't blow your house down.

Brigid

[mum]

Hey, Margo. I wrote a lot on your other thread. But I see even more that you certainly have a pile of it at your door, hon. Hang in there. Keep your focus.
love Mum

[Stormchild]

Margo,

the jude dismissed my divorce action.

I don't quite understand this either.  Just because you had sexual contact, the judge has the power to dismiss the divorce action?  Is your stbx contesting the divorce action and used the sex as a reason to delay things once again?  I think there are a number of people who would be guilty of having sex during divorce proceedings (I am not one of them, but have friends who did), but with all the other combative issues, I don't understand how that one thing could be reason for dismissal.

Hi Brigid -

it all depends on what state you live in. One of my colleagues was divorced a few years ago, and several of us offered to serve as witnesses to testify that he had not cohabited with his wife after leaving the house. [Edit in: we didn't keep the poor guy under surveillance 24/7, but we all knew he couldn't stand the witch, and she was already living with someone else.] It's an honest to goodness legal requirement in some states - sort of a 'good faith' proof that the marriage is over, that everyone really means it, that there's no hope left.

Intrusive and boundary violating as heck, isn't it?

Margo, this stinks. I'm really sorry you are going through all this hassle and garbage...

[Brigid]

Hi Storm,
Thanks for the clarification.  That seems pretty provincial for this day and age (and also quite sexist since it would usually be the male member who would be asking for or forcing that issue), but I imagine there are many things within the court system which do not make sense.  I don't imagine it has anything to do with whether or not you live in a community property state (I do), but who knows??

Belated Happy Birthday wishes.  I hope it was a great evening with Mr. New Guy.  How's it going, btw?  (Yeah, I'm nosey, I know  )

Margo,
I hope things start going your way.  Stay strong.  They hate to see you strong because it takes away their power.

Brigid

[Margo]

Brigid, Mum and Stormchild...

It's done and the judge was prepared to NOT dismiss the action if he felt the sexual contact wasn't consensual.  He read that I was being threatened with a hit man and being snatched and having my children snatched.... he read that my N was hiding assets and moving funds and threatening me to "make it all go away" and yet he considers my caving to be "consensual" which it wasn't.  I didn't cave until the temp hearing failed to happen and I just couldn't stand the pressure any longer.  N had convinced me that he was going to do those things bc.... he was being ALLOWED to DO them.  Everything my attorney said would and wouldn't happen, didn';t.  It was all  upside down and I really started to believe no one would help protect me.  I'm still feeling that way but..... .there's a tiny ray of hope that somehow I'll be OK, even if I'm not entirely OK.... I'll  be ok.  There's also the part of me that is sure N was right when he said he was gonna make me wish I had never opposed him and I'll end up taking nothing and be glad just to be able to run away and escape this whole process.  

What worries me is the court systems propensity to punish both parties, regardless of circumstances, bc they don't like to waste the court's time with divorces.  Margo