Did a big clean out yesterday and came across this book by Marie-France Hirigoyen. It is so good I would highly recommend it.
"psychiatric illness does not cause abusiveness. It arises from dispassionate rationality combined with an incapacity to respect others as human beings"
This hits the nail onthe head for me. The words dispassionate rationality jump off the page for me because this is what I have experienced.
"The other musta ct according to the abusers standards and think as he sees fit. The other exists only to the degree that she acts out her assigned role" Familiar or what ?
The twin constraints of abuse. Something is said verbally and its opposite is expressed non verbally" e.g. I love you so much WHAM here comes the abuse.
Inconsistent messages are difficult to trace. Their goal is to confuse and destabilize in order to maintaion control by getting the victim mired in contradictory emotions and feelings"
"To keep his own head above water the abuser needs to submerge the other"
"ABuse is perpetrated by the refusal to acknowledge what is happening discuss the situation or jointly find solutions. The refusal of dialogue is a way of saying without directly expressing it in words, that the other person does not interest the aggressor or that she doesn't even exist".
How I wish I had read this in the early days with XN. Every word of this book I read mirrors my relationship
"When a sincere person opens up to a suspicious one, the latter usually gains the upper hand"
Just some random quotes........... interested to hear others take on these.
I find this book very affirming. It is clear and easy to read and hits the nail on the head with such accuracy.
axa
