Help! My Brother is a Misogynist

[Sally]

Hi,

I'm new here, but have been reading.

I feel so bad.  I recently have awoken from the N fog of denial to discover that my parents, both of whom are dead, were Ns.

Today, I spoke to a male friend of mine who spent some time with my brother and this friend confirmed for me that my brother is a misogynist (he hates women).

I have suspected this, but it was both shocking and validating to hear this from a 3rd party.

My brother is the only blood relative I speak to and I financially support him thru a family business.  My bother cannot hold a job.  He spends his days sending emails and going to the gym.

I was on vacation last week and this male friend called my office and my bother returned the call.  They started talking and today, my male friend told me some of the things my brother said and my heart sank.  Basically, my friend said that my brother sounded like Howard Stern, with jokes that deprecate women.

I feel like hell because I know my brother resents me:  I am a successful entrepreneur running the family business and he can't hold a job.  My friend said that my brother lives the life of a trust fund kid (he's 45) and I work my butt off to run the business which supports him.  My friend said that if my brother did not have money, he'd be in a state mental hospital because my brother does not have what it takes to get up and go to a job every morning.

I feel so devastated.

My therapist told me that my parents were in denial about my brother's short comings:  they did not want to admit that he needed psychological help and they never got psychological help for him because they were in denial.  My parents were always against psychology.  I basically grew up in a house where denial was the norm.

I just feel awful.  My bother rages at me, so I have limited contact to seeing him once every 2 months.

It just hurts to think about how much he hates women and resents me for being a successful woman who financially supports him (although I work my butt off, no time for a social life).

I find myself cursing my dead parents for leaving me this defective brother (who rages at me and resents me), who, in effect, is like my unruly child (I'm single and have no kids).  Of course, I feel terrible for cursing my dead parents, but I feel they set me up in this position.

I used to think my brother was a borderline, but, now I think he's a N.

Thanks for listening.

Sally

[isittoolate]

Hi Sally,

http://www.geocities.com/misogynon/misogynon.pdf

Here is a Brochure from Misogynon.com. It prints landscape 5 pages--well when I printed it, some 4 years ago.

It is almost a word-for-word article from the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and that book was loaned to me by a person who knew about NPD. This Brochure will tell it all and from the specialists---not just from my experience with 3 in my life, or someone else with one.

This tells it all.

Good Luck
Izzy

[Sally]

Dear Ami,

Thanks for your heart felt words.  I've been following your story and I know how much pain you're in.  I admire your courage and thirst for truth.  You're an inspiration.

The realization about my family is huge and shocking, you're right.  I feel like jello, all wiggly and formless and I wonder where is my place in this world.  I've cried so much, I just can't cry anymore.

Dear Izzy,
Thank you so much for the brochure.  I'll read it and weep!  I believe I read the Verbally Abusive Relationship.  I'll have to dig it out and read it again.


Thanks again, Ami & Izzy.

Sally

[Hopalong]

Hi Sally, and welcome.

I'm very sorry about what you have lived through, and for the pain of awakening/awareness.
It's like yanking eyelids open that had been shut.

I just have one bit of advice, but I mean it with all my brain/heart:

Please make an appointment with an attorney (or several) and get advice on what sort of legal obligation you have, or do not have, to your brother. Please tell them your goal is to become disentangled from your brother because it's an abusive relationship, and share the details of your business situation.

I think taking that step would be very valuable to you, emotionally as well as practically.

Best,
Hops

[Sally]

Dear Izzy,

the brochure from Misogynon.com was AMAZING and life changing.  One of the best things I've read on abusive relationships.  Thank you again.

Dear Hops,
Thank you for the advice.  I often think about disengaging from him financially, but I believe if I do, he could wind up a homeless person, even my therapist said that.

I have sympathy for him because I think my parents mistreated him, so he's like a dog that was kicked around as a puppy.

However, I will continue to distance myself from him.  There's no excuse for him mistreating me. 

You're right about the legal stuff.  I have seperated my finances from his.

I won't abandon him financially, but I am leaving him to God.  I  didn't make him the way he is and I can't fix him, so I'm leaving him to God.

Thank you for your thoughts.
Sally

[isittoolate]

Dear Izzy,
Thank you so much for the brochure.  I'll read it and weep!  I believe I read the Verbally Abusive Relationship.  I'll have to dig it out and read it again.

Dear Izzy,

the brochure from Misogynon.com was AMAZING and life changing.  One of the best things I've read on abusive relationships.  Thank you again.

You are welcome. anyone can print this and have the "book" free. I was amazed. I loaned my book to a woman and she moved, never to return it, but this Brochure I keep with my books. The one thing that really hit home to me is that to tell others about the 'disorder' is useless. They will not believe because it is too unbelievable. One, therefore , is understood better on a Forum such as this--and a bit like the programs where it is said to "take what you need and leave the rest".

Good Luck
Izzy