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[Pattibear]

Hello everyone,
I am new here and wanted to share my story. My N is my daughter-in-law, who has now forbidden my husband and myself to see our grandchildren. My son goes along with this decision and it is breaking my heart. I am hoping to "recover" but know that I sure could use all the suggestions and "caring" that you fine folks can share.
Thanks,
Patti

[isittoolate]

Oh (((((((((((((((((Pattibear)))))))))))))))))))

I was in the same situatiom N son-in-law though who kicked me out (1991) of their lives and 2 grandchildren at the time (4½ and 2) Third was born a little over a year later.

Daughter sided with her husband, so I know the hurt.

I learned to live with it--very painful, and maybe I AM CRAZY!!

Now divorced (1996) I 'm trying reconnect with her --kids are now 20, 18 and 15--

So when you see me post, that is my struggle too. So I have no advice.......yet~

Good Luck
Izzy

[Hopalong]

I am so sorry, Patti.

Do grandparents have any rights at all?

I hope you'll post a lot, let some of the pain out.
It would break my heart too. It's cruel.

Hopalong

[Pattibear]

Thank you both...I have checked into "grandparent's rights" and as far as I can tell there really isn't anything that we can do about that situation. My son and daughte-in-law had been living in another state, about 450 miles from us. Over the course of the 6 years they lived there, we only saw the children when we would go to their house and needless to say those trips were quite unpleasant because of the N's behavior. The at least 2 times a year the N would bring the children up to visit her family for a week or 2 at a time, and she never once made an effort to let the children see us. We have a grandson, who is 1 year old, that we have never even met. But the real topper to the cake was when, by a fluke, found out that my son and his family are living somewhere(don't know the address or phone number, cause they had them unlisted) back by her family..probably 5-10 miles away from us. I am going to see a therepist because this whole mess has about devasted me. I sure am grateful that I found this support group.
Peace,
Patti

[teartracks]

Pattibear,

You're right.  There isn't much in the way of grandparent rights.  Sorry for the pain you feel.

tt
There are online sources to find phone numbers and addresses though.  Intellius is one.  Not encouraging stalking, but wanted you to know you can get information online for a reasonable fee.

[Stormchild]

((((((((((Pattibear))))))))))

[teartracks]

Hi Pattibear,

How are things going?  I hope you won't be timid about posting and talking about the pain of not seeing your grandchildren.  It really does help to talk things out here.  Often we don't have the answers, but there's something theraputic in knowing you can talk about things here without being chided and chastised.  Let us know how you're doing.   I have experienced a situation similar to yours.  It hurts so bad. 

tt

[lighter]

Hey Pattibear:

What happened that your DIL initiated no contact with you?  There may be some way to overcome this and start seeing your son and grandkids again.  Please share and see if someone here doesn't have some ideas for you. 

[Mme X]

Pattibear,

I'm in a somewhat similar situation to yours.  I understand the frustration and hurt that you are feeling. 

No, grandparents don't have any rights.  I saw an attorney and he told me about  a case Troxel vs ? in the WA state. 

My grandson lives with his father, and other grand parents.  They've effectively shut me out of my grandson's life.  My daughter had some issues and between her antics and their antics, it's a huge f'ed up mess. 

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I'm sorry we all are.  Someday, our grandchildren will ask questions and learn the truth.  That they had family that loved them but were kept from knowing them. 

My mother also pulled this crap on my paternal side of the family.  I wonder why I'm getting this double; first being kept from my bio father's side of the famiily and now having my grandson kept from me. 

I can't make any sense of any of it.

I hope you are strong.  You need to be.

Lori

[reallyME]

I"m confused here, all.

I thought I saw an episode on Dr Phil about grandparent's rights.  He told the parents that there ARE laws allowing the grandparents to see those children.  Am I all wet or what?

[Pattibear]

Hi everyone,
Thank you for the support. My son and DIL used to live about 450 miles away and she always was rude and downright mean to my husband and myself. The only time that we got to see our son and grandchildren were when we went to visit them. She on the other hand would make at least 2 trips up to Mom and Dad's house, they live about 20 miles from us, and always bring the children but we usually found out about this, after the fact. We went there last year to help them move to another town in the state they were living in and she had told us that she and the children were going to be coming up this way later in the month for a family event and I FINALLY said, in front of other people too, that I would appreciate it if while they were up this way, to get to see her and the children. Needless to say, it didn't happen. Over the course of the 6 years that they lived in the other state, I witnessed my son become more of a "jellyfish". He rarely called us and when he did it always had to be when his wife wasn't around. I have taken my inventory on this many times, has been seeing a professional person(who introduced me to the "Nar" word? and have some supportive friends(thank goodness)..Nothing happened, I honestly believe that she always wanted to move back up here to be close to her family, esp. her Mother and from the little information that I have, is probably an N also, so I guess she has everything that she "wants" and there is no need for us any longer. As for grandparent rights, I saw the Dr. Phil show too and that was in California, I believe. I have researched into this area and at least for now, there isn't really anything legally we can do. Yes, it still hurts but I am doing better..sometimes are tougher than others BUT I do believe that "Living well is the best revenge"..so onward and upward!!!
Thanks to everyone, I am so glad that I found out about this group!!
Blessings,
Patti

[mudpuppy]

California is the same as most states in that a grandparent has no rights unless there is a court order declaring the parents incompetent or otherwise unfit parents. This is a two edged sword however. In Pattibear's case it is unfortunate that she has no legal right to see her grandchildren. On the other hand, in the case of a nut-job grandparent it would be intolerable for the state to intervene and force parents to subject their children to someone they view as harmful.

mud

[lighter]

I think "living well is the best revenge" was my mantra a couple weeks ago.  Until stress and fear and horror swept it away.

Well, I'm chanting it again, in a very hopeful manner.  Trying to remain mindful of it.  If not now, then sometime soon. 

I took care to do uplifting things for myself yesterday.  Food. Physical. Acceptance and finding pleasure in living in the moment, a struggle but managed.  I felt sorry for myself too and allowed myself to sink down into it.  Embrace it. That made it easier to move out of being pralyzed and into self care. 

I dread the week ahead, facing the reality of leaving my N.  What that means and what I have to do to accomplish it. 

[CB123]

Mud,

That's what I was thinking. 

It makes me very sad to think that I would ever get to the place where I couldnt see my grandchildren.  But I wouldnt want the laws to be changed.  You would have to know grandparents like my children's to get how much I don't want them changed!

CB

[Pattibear]

Thank you everyone...I am just taking it one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. 
Peace 2 all,
Patti