8 biscotti later

[lighter]

(((((Axa))))) So sorry you went through the loss of your child.  She was a very lucky person to have a mama like you to love and care for her.  She must have loved you very much. 

Write, I'm  right with you about living fully in the moment.  That's true beauty.  We won't any of us be thin, or whatever rediculous standard society set for being attractive, forever.  Eventually it comes down to who we are on the inside and what we do with our time here. 

I loved the story about your friend at the Greek restaurant.  Keeps going round in my head. 

[Ami]

Thank you CB. I think that I am healing from the power of love from all of you. Thanks for noticing  .                     
                                                                                                                 Love  Ami

[Bella_French]

I totally agree with your posts WRITE, Ami, and CB, and I want to thank you for writing them; they were such a joy to read.

I am so far from seeing human beauty in terms of thinness, or voluptousness, or conformity, that it really surprises me when I meet someone older than 30 odd who sees people in such shallow terms. I have to blink! I find it so hard to believe that a mature person can really, truly, believe that any particular` look' can really say enough about a person that you could actually judge their value that way. It seems like a form of profound immaturity and naivety to me. I forgive the very young, because they are so easily swayed by peers, their parents, and what they see on TV. But anyone with experience should know better IMHO.

[axa]

Hops,

Just thinking about you and remembered something I used to do in the last year of my girls life.  I would get a carer in one morning a week and go horseriding.  I am very very nervous of horses but when I was up on that horse all I could concentrate on.  It got me away from everything.  I managed to jump a very small jump a few times and that felt like I was flying.  I would come home feeling wonderful, like I had a real break.  I think there was something about having an experience which did not involve words, where I was completely present to what was going on and so focused.  Nothing like having a ton of horsemeat underneath you to concentrate the mind!

As for jiggly bits.  I have plenty of them.  STrange since Xn left I feel quite pretty at times.  I can see the softness in myself which I had been unable to see before.  I am very very voluptous and I like it.  I think about all the people who put themselves under the knife to get a big pair of boobs and mine just grew!!!!

CB

Interesting about no tv.  Did not have one for a year myself and I felt so much more connected with life.  I pottered around in the evenings, listening to plays on the radio or called to see friends.  EAch evening I would go to bed feeling satisfied rather than fatigued.  I got the tv back for XN and his need to watch the news and got hooked back again into watching rubbish.  I am very aware at the moment how numbing this is....... something else for me to think about.  I used to rent a dvd and would watch every little bit of it, credits, outtakes etc and felt it was a real treat....... now it is just continious blurb.


Lighter

THank you for what you said.  Yes, she did love me very very much and I loved her beyond words.  She was such joy in my life.  I was blessed to have had her.  I miss her laughter, her black, black humour and her smell so much.

Write
I do think you are right when everything else seems to be completely out of control at least we can control our pain temporarily by eating.  It makes a lot of sense for me and really hit a button when Hops posted about this.

About addictions.  I think that I have a very addictive personality.  I play out my addictions around food, drama, relationships.  I wonder is it because we got so little that we desperatly hang onto anything that gives us some bit of a high and keep replaying the cycle of addiction.  Anthony de Mello says for every high there is a corresponding low.  I am aware of this now and try and work with it.  I don't want the lows which means I have to stay away from the highs.  Learning to live in an even way is new for me but I know in a deep place this is what I have control over.  And the work continues....

axa

[Hopalong]

Hi Axa,
I loved, loved riding, and just being around horses. They are like 2000-pound valiums. So lovely, open, funny (some of them), receptive to carrots. Riding was a great escape for me. One of my goals at the gym is to find out if I can rebuild my muscles in such a way that I could ride again without aggravating my pesky disk. If not, I'll just find a place to hang around and do some brushing. That's just as much fun.

I love thinking of you reconnecting to the joy of being an animal, with an animal, in nature...during those precious hours. I know your D is so proud of you. I don't know what an afterlife is, but I think it's more like a presentlife...if we loved them and they loved us, they are with us right now, walking right beside us, laughing with us, sitting calmly near while we weep.

love
Hops

[Overcomer]

Hops:  I can so relate to this.  Maybe that is why I am heavier than I have ever been.  I realize that in order to deal with what needs to be done, I have to change my routines.  I have been getting out of bed and going downstairs to watch dvds Instead of laying in bed and watching soap operas.  I also understand the whole caretaker role since my daughter is autistic and needs more care than normal kids.  God bless you and good luck!

[Sela]

Much helpful info, many tools and lot's of expertise and support on this site.   Free to join

www.sparkpeople.com

Picturing you happy and fit, riding a gorgeous horse through the wind and loving every minute Hops!

Sela

[axa]

Hops,

Such a sweet post, brought tears to my eyes.  My beautiful girl used to say "When I die I want to come back as a cat because they are always in the present" - guess she was a better buddhist than her Mama

axa