I am divorced!

[bean as guest]

congratulations Write

I'm thinking those happy feelings are gonna continue.  You are free.

hugs,
bean

[Ami]

Dear WRITE,
    You may be 'dead" to abuse, taking unacceptable behavior,not valuing and honoring yourself, giving yourself away to another person. In these things-yes- you may be dead. I admire your strength.
                                                                                                             Love Ami

[Confounded]

Hey, Write, do you think you could avoid riding in cars that he drives?  I worry about his "acting out" while driving.  Sometimes people get into "accidents" that aren't unforeseeable.

[WRITE]

I feel free AMi, CB,Bean. I feel free not because I am divorced but because I am thinking with my own model of the world, I don't see anything through ex's eyes any more, especially not my self image.

I can't believe I listened to him for all those years and thought he was superior.

He just sounds like a boor a lot of the time now...

do you think you could avoid riding in cars that he drives?  I worry about his "acting out" while driving.  Sometimes people get into "accidents" that aren't unforeseeable

yes I will avoid this OCnfounded, but frankly i think he was in control, just frightening me deliberately.
It's sinister really.

I can expect some of this from time to time.

***

Last night he told me I had to take son for a few weeks.
I was delighted to but did not show it, so guess what, he wants him back tonight.

So long as son feels wanted by us and is well and happy I frankly don't care any more about power or being right or anything else.

Ex is always going to do these things to some extent, he always has.
I can live with it at a distance.

He's very like my father lately, I am surprised how so many men approaching middle age go this way: whining and bitter.

His negativity is draining so I will try not to spend too much time with him.

I am starting to tune him out more and more though, soon I will be able to increase my work so I can be totally financially independent if necessary.
I do not trust that he will follow the letter of our financial settlement.

***

Walked on the beach after a great lunch today with my friend who had brain surgery on May 1.
She is recovering well, we had a beautiful day.

I am so lucky to have so many good people in my life.

The guy at church and I are getting closer, i think he will ask me out soon and I will say yes.
I am much happier to date now, and it's strange someone said i would, but I am meeting really nice guys now I am not too bothered about being on my own forever if necessary!

I think when I am happy and relaxed people like beign with me more; I've always had relarionships but not so calm and relaxed as they seem to be now.

A lot of the drama and anxiety has gone out of my life this year.

Love to everyone, hope all are okay, I don't have time to check many threads

~W

[isittoolate]

Congratulations WRITE and happy to know you are here posting and that the Canine Dept doesn't have to go looking!!

Love
Izzy

[WRITE]

thanks IS, I'll be fine.
I'm a survivor!
If you survive NPD you can survive anything, right?!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Brigid]

Hi Write,
I'm so glad you have gotten to this point and are feeling so good about it.  I remember being so afraid I would break down on the day we went to court for the finalizing of the divorce.  It turned out to be quite the opposite, however.  I was able to look at my ex that day and see him for the pathetic, empty man that he is and be so glad to finally be done with him.  I left the court smiling and feeling free at last.

RE the medical insurance stuff, have you considered an MSA/HSA (medical savings account/health savings account)?  Those are good options for self-employed individuals and it does provide for a decent savings interest rate.  ClarkHoward.com has some good information about them, or you can talk to an insurance agent. 

I wish you so well as you move forward with the next phase of your life.  There really is the potential for a wonderful life after divorce.

Many blessings,

Brigid

[WRITE]

Thanks Brigid, I'll check out the MSA HSA thing too.

My friend in that industry says you're usually better to keep the COBRA for a policy like mine but it is expensive $400 monthly.
Gives me some peace of mind for mnow though, and chance to transition.

***

It is so much better being divorced.

I've finally accepted my ex for who he is, and I'm standing on my own feet.

Whatever he does he will do- I know that in my heart of hearst, it's never been any different or been entirely influenced by emotions or values. The love and trust has always been undermined by the NPD, and until he commits to therapy for a long time it always will be.

Funny he was apparently complaining to his sister this week, she said 'go back to therapy'.

People are starting to see how broken he is as they all change over the years and he doesn't.

I wish him well, but oh my how much freer I am breathing to know I completed the dreaded last step! I was very afraid, but that fear can't rule my life any more.

 

[lighter]

I had such a feeling of calm come over me while reading your posts, Write. 

I want to walk on the beach and feel serenity again. 

I want to look forward to no drama in my life again.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. 

Ummm.... you didn't read that in a whiney 4 yo's voice, did'ya, lol?

Really, a very nice post about your friend recovering from surgery and walking on the beach.  Changing your worldview.  ((Write))

[axa]

Write,

I wish you joy, peace and SAFE love,

axa

[WRITE]

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.

my body is changing.

I've had terrible shoulder pain for a few days, but my posture is different now and last night when we went out for family dinner and ex was acting out in the car I felt it all tense up after it just unknotted.
I listened to him and told myself it's just a couple of hours, and didn't react, surely enough it went away.
Also he stopped being ridiculous.

He is so like a puffed up little baby at times lately, it's laughable, how could I ever have listened to all the negativity he dumped on me?!

[Ami]

Dear WRITE,
  I am so happy for you. You sound really centered and courageous. I really, really am so glad that you made a good choice for yourself
                                                                                                Love and a Big Hug   Ami