Narcissist Info (cont) PATHOLOGICAL LIAR

[reallyME]

A narcissist will lie about: WHAT THEY DID ONE SECOND AGO, WHAT YOU BOTH DID TOGETHER A SECOND AGO.

They want you to DISBELIEVE WAS THEY KNOW YOU KNOW WAS TRUE AND HAPPENED.

(i see this one A LOT with my husband.  He will say "YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT" when I KNOW THAT I KNOW I did)


They want you to LET THEIR LIE PASS AND NOT CONTRADICT THEIR FANTASY BELIEFS.  If you confront them, they will CUT YOU OFF

They want you, their OBJECT, to be like a hammer or a doll, to do whatever THEY want you to.  Eventually, they get you to the point of letting them have the LAST WORD, either on phone, online, in person...whatever...so that they BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ARGUE BACK WITH THEM.

There is a situation with a narcissist, when, if you begin to react too NOTICEABLY to their lies and behaviors, they start feeling confused and upset, thinking "wait a minute! THIS ROBOT, PUPPET, DOLL seems to be THINKING FOR ITSELF.  THAT CANNOT HAPPEN!  I did not "order" this.  I ordered a completely submissive creature and this one is starting to act without ME PUSHING BUTTONS.  I CANNOT HAVE THIS!"  (this is when devaluing and punishment usually begin)

[debkor]

They want you, their OBJECT, to be like a hammer or a doll, to do whatever THEY want you to.  Eventually, they get you to the point of letting them have the LAST WORD, either on phone, online, in person...whatever...so that they BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ARGUE BACK WITH THEM

This has happened over and over and over but although they did get the last word their last word was always a lie and I let them know that.  I just stopped the yes you did no I didn't conversations.  That made them crazy that they could not convince me any other way. The more quiet I got, the more I ignored them, the more intense they were.  Punishment, devalue, oh yes, they went through great extremes. It was very hard to control with myself to not go off in anger but I knew that is what they wanted after a lot of practice of no reaction they wound up giving up.  They could not stand when I would just sit and look without saying a word as they went on to lie, lie, lie.  I could see their nerves exploding all over the place dying for me to react.  They even went to other people to bring their lies to me and to get me to react in that way.
Waiting for their messengers to come back and report that I was really mad, hurt or devastated in some way.  That was the hardest to control with my emotions but I knew them so well and what they were doing to these poor (unknowing innocent new victim people) I acted the same, untouched. Then I would call a good friend and release my anger in a safe place where it was not being used as supply.

Those were such stupid relationships with my ex and friend but took me years to figure that out.


Deb

[Overcomer as guest]

Lying.  My mom has always been a "Christian" woman.  Everyone thinks the world of her.  Huge tithe.  Donates to christian school.  We run a Christian store.  But this woman will lie.  And if caught, she will say something like "you misunderstood me."  Or "what business is it of theirs anyway?"

She had a facelift and told the whole staff she would be out of town (not a lie - they live in a suburb adjacent to the suburb that the store is in..........)  So she thought she had covered THAT lie.  Then she called into the store and the clerk asked her where she was and she said "long about Missouri way............"  A BOLD FACED LIE.  When I called it on her she said, "what business is it of hers anyway....."

Then when people came to me and said they felt betrayed by the lies of the owner, again her retort was something like "they are the little people and I don't have to answer to them anyway....how come they are so nosey anyway?"