Narcissist Info (cont) THE NARCISSIST AT A JOB and WHAT's IN THERE?

[reallyME]

THE NARCISSIST ON THE JOB:

They will NOT follow instructions, believing they "know it all" already and need no training.  They do things the EASY WAY.

If the narcissist is a TEACHER, expect them to SCAPEGOAT STUDENTS OR OTHER FACULTY
If the narcissist is a DOCTOR, expect people to DIE from operations they walked OUT on.

Learning to do things PROPERLY IS BENEATH A NARCISSIST!

WHAT'S IN THERE ( INSIDE THE NARCISSIST)

The narcissist gets TONGUE-TIED when you ask them what they feel inside.  They give you some mysterious CLICHE that means NOTHING.

Narcissists DO HAVE FEELINGS...in fact, their feelings are SO TENDER AND PAINFUL TO THEM, THAT THEY DARE NOT ALLOW THEMSELVES TO EXPERIENCE THEM.

If you COMPLETELY REJECT a narcissist, they will often become the WOUNDED CHILD, PATHETIC AND SMALL.  (they are actually THIS ON THE INSIDE)  This will often be the case, until the next narcissistic supply source is available.

But, if they just are WOUNDED CHILDREN, are they TO BLAME?

YES!  They KNOW what they are doing and it is very CALCULATED!

Narcissists pick EASY PREY
They control themselves when they know they won't get away with looking narcissistic
They are ashamed and try to COVER UP what they do.

The narcissist would need to RETRAIN THEIR THINKING PATTERNS in order to change their behaviors.

They are the CHILD, WHO NEEDS A TRUE, REALLLLLLLLL MIRROR OF THEMSELVES
They are the PERPETUAL PETER PAN!

Their main rule is: IN ORDER TO MAKE MYSELF STRONG, I NEED TO WEAKEN THIS OTHER PERSON!

[Hopalong]

Hey Laura,
You've been posting such great stuff, thank you for all this effort. It's good stuff.

I just want to mildly disagree about the doing a job properly thing...I know narcissists who are so dedicated on the job. A lot of it may be image-polishing, that they become skilled because they couldn't bear to be seen as unsuccessful. But some of them really do have major talents that they use to the fullest.

My mother was a superb first grade teacher, and turned out kids who were ready for 2nd grade reading at the 5th grade level. And, they adored her. Her sparkly, vivacioius style enchanted both children and parents. She was punctilious about procedure and truly gifted at insitlling thme with the love of literature and learning. Parents began to request her classes for their children at such a rate that there was some acrimony with other teachers (surprise!) and ultimately, a new classroom was built and dedicated to her (bronze plaque and everything).

My belated theory (how could such a lover of children and beloved teacher be such a ... complicated mother to me?) is that all the enormous energy she expended on controlling 18 children at a time was likewise funneled into controlling little me when we interacted. So I was overwhelmed.

But she did do a wonderful job professionally. At 96, she still has a first grader corresponding with her from another state, and one still visits every Christmas. Amazing.

(But if you meant Ns can't tolerate corrective helpful critiques of how they do a job...bingo!)

hugs
Hops

[Overcomer]

I think it depends.  My mom did not become such a full blown N until she was very successful in a M L M company and started being recognized as the top earner, top branch etc.  It fed her ego so when we bought our store she tried to recreate the feelings she had in her prior career.  Our business is struggling and part of me thinks it is Gods way of punishing her for it all being about her and not being about helping other people.

[tayana]

I agree with Hops.  My mom was a very accomplished decorator.  Her services were requested all over the area, and she was very good.  She was well liked on the job, and she did a good job.  I do agree though, she made demands on her boss, and she didn't like to have how she did her job criticized.

[JanetLG]

I think a lot of people in the medical profession are dangerously narcissistic (as if there's ever an N who ISN'T dangerous? )

My NMum was a nurse for about 30 years, and 'looked after' elderly patients, at night (because she got paid time and a half for doing nights, and, while she was at home during the day and my Dad was at work, she could have affairs easier).

She used to tell me that if, during the later part of night, one of the patients died, she used to prop them up with a cup of tea when they woke all the patients, so that she didn't have to lay out the body - it would be the day staff's job, when they noticed later that the patient was dead. She used to laugh at other nurses who cuddled patients, and held them when they were upset, or when nurses cried when particular patients died after long illnesses. She also used to wrap patients in a sheet like 'swaddling' a baby, if they had the cheek to get up in the night and possibly hurt themselves by getting out of bed. She'd hit patients who soiled the bed - because they'd caused HER work. She just saw them as a nuisance. I'd hate to have been nursed by her if I was old. It was bad enough being a young kid with a sore throat and being looked after by her, but being looked after by someone like that in your last days must be sheer hell.

Janet