I have a few Biblical words I want to share that have helped me stay "together" through all of this....
The crowd sitting around Jesus told him, "Your mother and your brothers are outside looking for you." He replied to them, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Then looking at those who sat in a circle around him, he said, "Look, here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does what God wants is my brother and sister and mother."
(Mark 3:32-35 GW)
OR
He answered them, "My mother and my brothers are those who hear and do what God's word says." (Luke 8:21 GW)
I think it is important to be surrounded by as many people as possible who will be your friend through thick and thin - who will not abandon you as our "N's" have. I can certainly say that the traits of the NPD are not "...what God wants" and they are not in line with what "God's word says".... Lying, cheating, the self centered image, emotional abuse, manipulation and gossip among so many others are not Godly - so If I call myself a believer and am a "doer" of the word - these people are NOT my mother or brother or sister etc....
Also, the following has been helpful to me...
“…And if your right hand leads you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose a part of your body than to have all of it go into hell. “ (Mat 5:30 GW)
I see what Jesus is saying here as not just pertaining to sin aginst God - but I believe he is also showing us that if something is hindering us from our goal - or is something stands in our way - we need to remove it from ourselves - so that we don't end up going "down" with that obstacle that stands in before us.
Last, This...
Another disciple said to him, "Sir, first let me go to bury my father." But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."
(Mat 8:21-22 GW)
If you have a spiritual ear then you understand what he is saying here too. He is also showing us that there is a point that we must reach - where we make a decision to leave behind the things that are dead - even those who will not change from dead ways. The ways of my NPD mother show neither good or living spiritual fruits - and I accept that she will not change - I pray that she will, - but I am not the one to do it - that's God's work if it is what he wants - when he wants. I have had others throw the verse saying to "honor your father and mother" at me - but following Jesus' example - these are NOT my father and mother simply because we share a biological link. Are we to forgive (7 x 70)? I believe so. I continue to forgive them and I forgave them, but that does not mean that i need to put myself in that place - where i was - with them anymore. (or put my children in that place with them)
In response to your questions Nic - I feel glad in so many ways that those ties have been severed with my parents. Not only for my own good, but for the better of my children and my wife. Our relationships (mine and my children and my wife and I) have improved without the interference and stress my mother once brought on us - without the constant lies and manipulation. That is not to say that I don't have days where I feel sad - but that sadness is for something that never really existed anyway - mom and even dad in the end - were only images, illusions of people - and worst - of parents. BTW - when i feel that way - coming to this board and talking with my wife and being with my kids bring me right back - the validation and love of your close ones is priceless in my experience. It was not easy - but it was and is better and more healthy for my family and i in the end. I really see no other choice but to move on and be wiser for it. Take care all.
-Rob
