Ami,
I'm really proud of you! You are doing EXACTLY the right thing!
Your Mum's behaviour is very typical. She knows she's losing control, so she's sending the troops in. The other woman is *supposed* to be making you feel guilty (by HER rules), but as you say, you don't have to forgive your mum, especially as she is showing no remorse, no willingness to change, just desperation. Her desperation is the clue ...it means you're WINNING!
By the way, you might find, as I did when I started facing up to my NMum, that you now get all kinds of 'helpful' relatives and 'friends' who you haven't heard from in ages, ringing up to 'see how you are'... then slipping into the conversation whatever line they've been fed from your mother. Be aware of that for a while. It's N behaviour by proxy, and very upsetting to realise that other acquaintanes of your mother's might be willing to sacrifice your well-being for hers.
Janet
