Author Topic: Controlling the ego  (Read 2433 times)

James73

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Controlling the ego
« on: July 01, 2007, 07:46:43 AM »
Hey all, not sure who said it in a past post, may have been seastorm, but it said about looking at your life in a kind of third person perspective when youre feeling up or down, i.e. when your up and you start to overly adore oneself and delusions of grandeur take place you step back and go hey Ive done well, thats good whats next, rather than indulging in some self ego boosting. Also when youre down you just go hey im in the gutter at the moment and have failed at this but thats ok im gonna try again or move on having learnt from my mistakes, rather than go into a depressive spiral where the ego gets a battering thus making it more likely you will ego boost next time something good happens. Ive been trying to action this approach to contain my ego and its pretty good, I realise now that my ego needed some much needed butt kicking to get it back in check like a good little ego should be, its an ongoing battle but one im becoming better at seeing when my ego is ruling my emotions, thoughts and most importantly and perhaps disturbingly my decisions. Ive smacked my egos bottom and sent it to the corner sulk and contemplate its inappropriate behaviour  :D  Im sure it'll raise its ugly head again but I'll be waiting to punch it in the face to send it back down again.  :P
Thought id share that with you all, does anyone else take this approach or have any ideas or ways to control the ego?
James

Ami

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2007, 08:48:40 AM »
WOW-- James. You sound like you have grown so much and gotten so much insight.
I was listening to a Bible tape on humility. Moses was the most humble man in the world.. Moses wrote that statement. The tape was saying that when we  face our good and bad and accept them-- then we are humble. Humility is an accurate assessment of yourself. If you have really good qualities, you can accept them if you are humble.Also, you accept the bad ones in the same way.
   Of course, accept does not mean"never change:-- it just means to face the truth about them
   Good thread, James. So happy to hear from you. I love to read your posts          Love   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

James73

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2007, 12:20:53 PM »
Hey Ami, so it was you that did the original post yeh? it was very good as it stuck with me and struck a cord so thank you so much for that its made a big difference to my life and thank you for your kind words, yeh I suppose i have grown recently, or just changed really hopefully for the better. Yeh I think  the change part is very important as I didnt like my ego thinking for me, what im trying to do is to make sure the ego doesnt make my decisions for me and once ive got that down pat Ill then try to obliterate egotistical thoughts, i reckon i wont be able to totally get rid of them completely unless I turn into a monk of yogic master  :) but it seems like a good plan which I will definately try to stick to for the rest of my life as so far I feel a lot happier and relaxed in myself which then makes me able to interact in better and more positive ways with others which is all good is it not  :P
Love ya
james

Hopalong

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2007, 02:00:51 PM »
James,
You are one smart, good, strong man.

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

James73

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2007, 06:13:20 PM »
Why thank you madame, although that compliment has also tested my ego which im wrestling with at the moment, ahhhh, thats better duffed his bum up and he's back in the cupboard again, bad ego, bad!  :D

dandylife

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2007, 07:21:59 PM »
Hi James,
Just wondering what you mean by "ego" since it means different things to different people.

According to Freud, there were 3 divisions of the psyche, the "Id" - (pleasure seeking), the "Ego" (in pop culture meaning "self") and the "superego" (morals, the conscience).

Do you mean this literally? You are talking VERY ambiguously, so I'm having trouble with processing your thoughts and seeing where you're going. The ego is generally accepted as the "go-between" for the id and the superego and develops it's own coping mechanisms when things go awry.

Are you finding yourself defaulting to certain defense mechanisms (supression, dissociation, denial, fantasy, etc.) to cope? Certain situations in which you find yourself concerned?

Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

James73

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2007, 04:35:02 AM »
Hey Dandy, not sure on this one the reason I am obscure is that ive never looked into the types of ego, I knew about the id, ego and superego but not their mechanisms and i didnt want to get into that much of a self assessment, is it healthy to analyse oneself that deeply? Perhaps I should assess myself in this way to enable me to progress with a more defined purpose?
James

dandylife

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2007, 10:23:24 AM »
James,
You said you were "kicking your ego's butt" to keep it in check. Sounds like you are astute enough to perceive within yourself when you are in need of doing this.

Sometimes we hit on things while just being in a "feeling mode" that might bear more looking into. Couldn't hurt to explore that a bit. But if it's not causing you great distress, you are probably doing just fine!

Sounds interesting, and would like to hear more...if you're willing.

Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

James73

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #8 on: July 02, 2007, 11:02:51 AM »
Hey Dandy, yeh its definately just acting on an impulse, not sure if i really want to discuss my ugly thought processes in detail however, im just getting to like myself again so I dont really want to totally critically take myself apart  :? Its just when I have feelings of jealousy, self praise verging on boasting in my mind etc, ugly thoughts that I never used to have, or perhaps Ive always had them and just never addressed them head on, general stuff really which I suppose we all have to deal with but now learning about N's just the mere N tendency sends me running in the other direction, I have to remember though that everyone has some N tendencies of course so perhaps I shouldnt get obsessed about it, just chill out and get on with things, thats why I dont really want to get into too deep an analysis as Ill send myself doolally  :)

CB123

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #9 on: July 02, 2007, 11:29:21 AM »
James,

You're exactly right.  We've all reached that exact place when we have our eyes opened about narcissism.  It's confusing to realize that everyone is, to some degree narcissistic (Hops calls it N-spots)--and it's even a bit healthy to consider yourself first in many situations.  So, it's confusing when you first start sorting it out.

A good rule of thumb to let you know when it's time to do some painful self-examination:  is something in your life causing you continuing pain?  Like, are you hurting your girlfriend over and over again?  Time to look at what's going on--maybe its her, maybe it's you.  Are you losing job after job?  Again, what's the common denominator?  If your life seems to be getting healthier, just keep going.

Sad thing is--if an N keeps hitting the same brick wall over and over again, they usually blame everyone else.  Everyone else is stupid, crazy, etc.   :roll:  You wonder when they say that the same thing happens to them over and over...

James, I love to read your posts.  You really have grown a lot since we've known you.

Love
CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

James73

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #10 on: July 02, 2007, 12:35:40 PM »
Hey CB, I like that, N-Spots, like a unsightly spot in the subconcious  :) Yes I feel a lot healthier these days and i will hopefully keep going that way, onwards and upwards as they say  :D I like the relaxation that comes with putting ones self first in a good way and then this relaxed state then makes it easier to put others first in kind supportive ways in a healthy manner rather than in an unhealthy submissive manner.
Love ya
James

mudpuppy

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #11 on: July 02, 2007, 08:37:38 PM »
I'm not too hep on all that Freudian lingo so I'm afraid I don't know my superego from a super hole in the ground, but I must agree that James has a real way with words and I always enjoy his posts. Certainly, "ramming a holy poker up the devil's arse" is one of my favorite Jamesisms. :lol: :twisted:  :lol:

mud

James73

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #12 on: July 03, 2007, 05:48:32 AM »
Hee hee I forgot about that one, my french needs some work me thinks  :wink:

sunny2

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Re: Controlling the ego
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2007, 02:02:45 PM »
Hi James,
Just wondering what you mean by "ego" since it means different things to different people.

According to Freud, there were 3 divisions of the psyche, the "Id" - (pleasure seeking), the "Ego" (in pop culture meaning "self") and the "superego" (morals, the conscience).

Do you mean this literally? You are talking VERY ambiguously, so I'm having trouble with processing your thoughts and seeing where you're going. The ego is generally accepted as the "go-between" for the id and the superego and develops it's own coping mechanisms when things go awry.

Are you finding yourself defaulting to certain defense mechanisms (supression, dissociation, denial, fantasy, etc.) to cope? Certain situations in which you find yourself concerned?

Dandylife

hi dandy,
some stuff here on ego id and superego
or self as ego , self's past or subconscious [as id a past that is mired in the old sin nature of unadmitted rejection of the eternal principles of the superconscious ..which is the true eternal principles of life rather than overly rigid principles of the superego...

i am pasting a url for a site and some things on the site below
which relates iin many aspects to how i think about the self...
that in this fallen state the self is limited by grace as to what it can be conscious of and that is the ego that is trapped in a past habits
of putting self as if  essentially better than others in terms of their potential..tho at the moment one might
in many ways be in a better state of consciousness than others but such cannot properly grow
if it does not recognize what might best help others realize their best potential
which is different for animal souls than humans i suspect...

and how one controls self with this consciousness determines whether one can connect with one's completed higher consciousness
that cannot be fully expressed in ego terms to self or others but if it controls itself
by seeking to align its will with the eternal principles of the superconscious it can
access the potential perfect self which as a detailed whole never fully conscious to the ego consciousness
but by submitting one's will with the proper faith
it can act according to the higher will and with a proper fear of god
keep the ego in control and transcend the material state and regain one's eternal soul body fully

the principle that should be the principle of choosing for the ego to achieve this
is to consider the needs of others before one's own
and with such an attitude discernment of needs is enabled
where one can discern when and how to suffer for others sake
when to enjoy the gifts of the spirit
when to rebuke others ways with love for their own good...

part of this soul development i think is thru reincarnation...

now as to if some narcissist might fool themselves that  they are considereing the needs of others before their own
but............

here is the url for where i got the paste below from http://shalomplace.com/view/godselfego.html

So, what is Self and Ego?

Put simply, it is "I".

But this ineffable experience we know to be "I" has two aspects:
potentiality and actuality. The "I" of potentiality is the larger,
more universal aspect; the individual actualization of this potential
is more unique and personal. Hence, Self can be considered the
subject of the unconscious, and Ego the subject of desire,
intellectual activity, and conscious experience. These are not two
different subjects, but they are two different experiences of "I".
Self is "I" as the human spirit, who is present in desire and all
manner of experiences, while Ego is the conscious and active
dimension of "I" in this embodied state. When one consciously
realizes this connection between Self and Ego, then the Ego loses its
sense of alienation and isolation and begins to experience the
social, cosmic, transcendent and holistic qualities of Self.