Hi everybody:
I'm feeling stronger now, so I wanted to stop by. It's been a really tough month, but I think there's some reason to be optimistic now. (I'm not trying to be cryptic, but I also don't want to share too much medical detail here.)
I learned something important along the way. Many of you have written about this, but I didn't entirely get it until now.
You have to forgive the person you were in order to accept the person you are.
I've spent so many years hating myself for not being wiser, not being stronger, not fighting more aggressively for myself. Only recently have I come to understand that I was a child. It was incumbent on others, not me, to be wise and strong. I adapted. I stayed alive. I kept my humanity and my capacity to love.
That was a lot.
That was enough.
This illness is a crucible, and when all the hatred burns away, what's left is forgiveness. For others, true, but in some ways that's been the easy part for me. The hard part has been recognizing that I deserve it, too.
Anyway, I'm doing much better, and I'm looking forward to what comes next.
daylily
