A quote from 'When You and Your Mother Can't be Friends' (author's italics) :
"...Defector, that category of women - psychologically or physically battered by their mothers - who bolted from their families and, with rare exceptions, never looked back. Why did they do it? They were desperate and believed they had no choice. For it they had stayed within the relationship, they say, they would have killed their mothers, killed themselves, or lost their minds.
But are they strong? The answer to that one is not so simple.
...They wer eager to please their mothers. But something set them apart...For one thing they were more damaged....Defectors got more [devastating punishments]. why? Becasue their mothers sensed, rightly or wrongly, that this child could not be broken..."I knew I'd never be taken care of, never protected, never helped. I knew if I was going to survive, I'd have to do it on my own'
...[They begin] childhood as Angels or Ciphers But inside they kept a psychic bank account : in it they made regular deposits of anger...Anger was their ticket to freedom..."I learned not to be vulnerable, because the minute I was, my mother would abuse me more...so I became hard as a rock. Once I said to her 'You can break every bone in my body. But you're not going to break my spirit.'"
How familiar this sounds - those who have read my recent posts will, I am sure, recognise me in this description. Startlingly accurate.
Poozybear, Peanut - and others...does this speak to you???
R
