Hi Certain Hope,
Thanks for the book suggestion. I appreciate your trying to help. My problem with the book is it doesn’t make sense to me. It sends alarm bells out for me. This especially…
In this ground-breaking work they reveal that often our attempts to control our emotions—far from an attempt to be Christlike—are really a form of rebellion against God or an attempt to flee from Him.
I am a PK and a lot of the abuse I suffered as a child was “ in God’s name” so my thinking on this may not seem clear. I have trouble with an author that claims that my trouble in managing my emotions is a result of rebelliousness against God. If my daughter skins her knee falling off of a swing no one would tell her that her injury was as a result of rebelliousness. She fell and hurt herself and that is why she is suffering. I don’t trust churches/authors/pastors that give pat answers to human suffering. My struggle is the result of being born to woman who believed it was okay to humiliate, shame and abuse me ‘in God’s name’ and it’s also the result of my refusing to deal with my pain as an adult for so many years.
Not that I don’t rebel. There is nothing saintly or perfect about me. But my emotional pain doesn’t feel like rebellion. It feels like deep hurt and deep anger. I haven’t heard of this particular author, and maybe if he came from an abusive home I’d be more open to reading what he has to say. But if he hasn’t, he can’t know the answer to things he hasn’t experienced himself. The book description has me curious about why the author has come to the conclusions he has. I don’t understand why attempting to control and rid myself of emotions that are harmful to me would be wrong.
I’m actively trying to heal. I research on the computer, talk to my T, and actively work to identify why I’m struggle to manage emotions that seem unmanageable for me. I want to heal. It feels like a maze for me. I had nothing to with God or the church for many years. It’s just been in the past year or so that I’ve begun to pray and think about God and try to find more of the truth about who He is. Church is very triggering for me, and I don’t go consistently. Maybe that is rebellion. But I do listen to Gaither on you tube almost daily and when they sing their happy songs that’s when I feel closest to God.
Thanks for listening.
I understand, Mountainspring, and I'm sorry... I think now that I should've taken the time to explain what I thought might be so helpful about this book. I've not yet read it, but having read other works by this author, I'm sure that he's not condoning either abuse or the stifling of emotions... in fact, I expect it's just the opposite. Nonetheless, in my opinion, your skepticism about Christians' inclination to pat answers is wise and entirely justified... and I share that cynicism! And I thank you so much for taking the time and effort to tell me why you have deep concerns about this book.
Just as a matter of information, the first book by Allender which I read was
The Wounded Heart -
subtitled: Hope for Adult Victims of Sexual Abuse.
There's an excerpt here
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0891092897/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-0458540-1095903#reader-linkBecause of the way that book helped me, I have to say that any suggestion to deny, stuff, hide, re-write, or otherwise inappropriately deal with emotions which come as a result of abuse is the last thing I'd expect from this author.
In fact, I think what he's getting at in this latest book is something that I've seen lived out by a dear friend of mine who suffered severe abuse and molestation as a child, with no help whatsoever from her mother, of whom she now speaks as though the woman were a saint. She once shared with me her mother's obituary, which confirmed her status of sainthood and made me want to scream. The newspaper write-up spoke of this enabler in such glowing terms - oh, how she'd devoted her life to the church and to the childrens' ministry - when in reality, she had done nothing to protect her youngest child in her own home. But my friend will not see that. She thinks it's ungodly to see things as they were and place the responsibility where it belongs, so she's completely skipped over the entire process of allowing herself to feel her anger and jumped straight into a sense of false forgiveness where she rewrites history so that her mother appears with a halo. That, to me, is a rebellious attempt to "control" emotions instead of working through them. But that has nothing to do with you and your situation. If I'd followed your posts more closely, I may have recognized that, and so - again, I'm sorry. I didn't know that alot of your past abuse was done "in God's name".
I do know that my own father allowed my mother to rule his home (and him and me) in God's name, in a sense. And that is not as it should be.
I'm glad you enjoy the Gaithers
I do, too... on the radio, at times. Lots of "gospel" music stations in our area... and it's fun, uplifting, and makes me happy, too.
With love,
Hope
