because of the abuse that his father suffered and then perpetrated on him, my husband has given me a life that is so substandard to what I feel I deserve, that it might soon be time to make some serious changes:
Since my husband was a boy, he was told by everyone but his father, how wonderful he was. As a teen, when his brothers and sisters left home/rebelled against the abuse, my husband stuck around and took care of things. He was seen as "the good one" compared to the others. This left him with a HUGE HEAD that cannot seem to be deflated for any length of time.
As an adult, my husband never had dated anyone before me. We "dated" about 6 months and married 3 mos after that. Everything in me told me not to marry him, but if I hadn't, I saw no other way to survive. I was not a self-sufficient person at that time in my life.
The marriage began with the two of us and my daughter from another relationship. He was abusive toward her from the start until I stepped in and refused to allow it to continue. After this, I had 3 more children with him. I never would allow him to lay a hand on them, which to this day he blames me for. He will say "if you'd let me discipline them when they were younger..."
Through the years, here is what my life has been like:
Unpaid bills (utilities usually get paid, but credit card debt, books we've ordered, "get rich" tapes, etc all go ignored...he will NOT talk to bill collectors but instead puts me up to it)
Roaches (they have taken over my house...every drawer, cupboard, etc...and he will NOT exterminate them due to having no money)
Quit job (he did this so we could become concessionaires and live on only $12 per day)
Lost medical coverage ( apparently he didn't send in the papers for Medicaid)
Sex as a tool (any time we fight, he gets me in bed as though everything is ok now)
Sex perversion (gets mad when I won't do things I find perverse)
Disrespect (allows my daughter and her boyfriend and boyfriend's brother to call me names, be rude, and tells me "it's all in your perception how it affects you or not")
Ignoring (anything that is negative, he ignores it rather than confronting it, saying "it's over and done with") magical thinking
Affair (I ended up with an STD not too long ago. He lied about the infidelity and still does)
Mysoginist (he sees women as less than men, deserving of being pushed down in society and family life)
Unreality (he refuses to admit that his father was a child molester and was not PROVOKED into molesting his sisters because they "wanted it")
He sincerely sees himself as being "ok" because he thinks these business ventures are going to make him rich! He refuses to get a job again, however, that will be changing after the summer, or he may just find me or himself GONE.
My therapist says he is a narcissist and that I need to do what I can to take care of myself and my children at this point.
Lately, all he does is sit around listening to positive thinking tapes about how we can become rich with this program or that one, while the roaches continue to multiply, bills go unpaid, my school grant does not take effect (due to having no tax return which he got an extention on), and so much else is going on...17 year old sleeping with her boyfriend and about to propose marriage to him, not wanting my 13 yr old to go back to school, cause she could be a full-time worker in his concession business.
The man is mentally ill and refuses to go for help, so as I said, things are going to change if he doesn't start taking some action.
~Laura
And X if you are reading this, GOOD! Now you see that I'm NOT AFRAID to share what is going on with ANY Narcissist who crosses my path. "You shall know the TRUTH and the TRUTH shall make you free!"
