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Feline:
Hi
New here.

I am 38 I am transgender,and a feline person.
All my life pretty much my voice has been stifled.I am too loud too different ,too honest,too whatever.

In school I was bullied alot.Teachers turned away.I once loved learning stuff but after kindergarten,where the teacher beat me in front of the class,things changed.I can remember the entire bus on the way home chanting that I should die in elemetary school.My best friend was a cat,Rikki.He was murdered by bullies.. Shrinks habe been abusive too I have been given nasty drugs like anectine,so I would be made compliant to dominators posing as therapists in the hospital.They kept me in a quiet room for 6 months..
My life is hell.
I have one person I trust.On the outside I seem cool decent kind and all.But truthfully I hate humanity.I am ashamed to be a human. Humans are ugly and make the world a hateful place.

I try to be different than them. I try to be like the tiger,the panther in the sky.The chains of exising here in this culture,with humans  cuts me,I cannot figure out how to escape..people's hate and power tripping evilness ..and thier cages,clutches and prisons.
My body is mummified and frozen my heart is still,

Early on people said sit still ,don't wear that,shhhh,sneering at my words and sounds images and art.I would get hit threatened abused for being me and saying so.I tried to not be me.But I couldnt .It was demanded I be a girl be a human. I can't.I am not a human and I am androgynous.

To me women are trained to be everybodies servant.I do not exist to be everybodies slave.
Men are taught to expect  entitlements and respect wether desreved or not  because they are men and I am not a bully. People should be entitled only to be what they are,and the grounds for this entitlement should be to let others be whatever they are.The bullies need to stop engineering other's identies  ,but there are not enough therapists in the world to heal them to stop them from creating more walking wounded...
Humanity is sick and evil. I want no part of it.
I have tried to die 25 times,after  awhile you realize you are stuck here, and give up. If you find a way to live,you may  find life is one long death  a suffering  with no escape.an invisible grave.The world is full of strife. I cannot ignore it because I was ignored when my heart was torn open.There is no justice in seeking obliviousness.There is no happiness in slavrey.There is so much pain in this life,this existance ,the injustice it overwhelms me I see  love is bleeding everywhere I look... aa mother screaming at her kid in a store,an iraqi child with no arms,cats fed upon roadkilll made into catfood..This entire world it screams with an insanity,a mad wickednes ..a kind of pain that makes no sounds but wounds worse than any other.

I offer this song as my voice a song by a band called Marillion...
I can't listen to it without crying.For this is what my voice sounds like.

MARILLION  - "Beautiful"
(Hogarth/Kelly/Mosley/Rothery/Trewavas)

Everybody knows we live in a world
Where they give bad names to beautiful things
Everybody knows we live in a world
Where we don't give beautiful things a second glance
Heaven only knows we live in a world
Where what we call beautiful is just something on sale
People laughing behind their hands
As the fragile and the sensitive are given no chance

And the leaves turn from red to brown
To be trodden down
To be trodden down
And the leaves turn from red to brown
Fall to the ground
Fall to the ground

We don't have to live in a world
Where we give bad names to beautiful things
We should live in a beautiful world
We should give beautiful a second chance

And the leaves fall from red to brown
To be trodden down
Trodden down
And the leaves turn green to red to brown
Fall to the ground
And get kicked around

You strong enough to be
Have you the courage to be
Have you the faith to be
Honest enough to stay
Don't have to be the same
Don't have to be this way
C'mon and sign your name
You wild enough to remain beautiful?
Beautiful

And the leaves turn from red to brown
To be trodden down
Trodden down
And we fall green to red to brown
Fall to the ground
But we can turn it around

You strong enough to be
Why don't you stand up and say
Give yourself a break
They'll laugh at you anyway
So why don't you stand up and be
Beautiful

Black, white, red, gold, and brown
We're stuck in this world
Nowhere to go
Turnin' around
What are you so afraid of?
Show us what you're made of
Be yourself and be beautiful
Beautiful


Tyger tyger burning bright in the forests of the night........

Thanks for the space..,Panther in the Sky

Nic:
Hey Feline! :)

Welcome, take off your shoes and sit a spell.  Be yourself, it's ok.
Another cat on the doorstep of voicelessness huh? Stuck in the rain are ya? We/ve all been there one way or another.
Good for you for starting a new thread..it's your thread so use it.   Your space to discuss YOU.
The song you quote is full of hope you know..did you notice that? :o
Don't lose sight of the hope :!:
name's Nic..I have lots of friends here i'd like you to meet..
Hey guys! Feline is here............ :)

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: Feline ---

I am too loud too different ,too honest,too whatever.

In school I was bullied alot.Teachers turned away.I once loved learning stuff but after kindergarten,where the teacher beat me in front of the class,things changed.I can remember the entire bus on the way home chanting that I should die in elemetary school.My best friend was a cat,Rikki.He was murdered by bullies.. Shrinks habe been abusive too I have been given nasty drugs like anectine,so I would be made compliant to dominators posing as therapists in the hospital.They kept me in a quiet room for 6 months..
My life is hell.
I have one person I trust.On the outside I seem cool decent kind and all.But truthfully I hate humanity.I am ashamed to be a human. Humans are ugly and make the world a hateful place.

I try to be different than them. I try to be like the tiger,the panther in the sky.The chains of exising here in this culture,with humans  cuts me,I cannot figure out how to escape..people's hate and power tripping evilness ..and thier cages,clutches and prisons.
My body is mummified and frozen my heart is still,

Early on people said sit still ,don't wear that,shhhh,sneering at my words and sounds images and art.I would get hit threatened abused for being me and saying so.I tried to not be me.But I couldnt .It was demanded I be a girl be a human. I can't.I am not a human and I am androgynous.

To me women are trained to be everybodies servant.I do not exist to be everybodies slave.
Men are taught to expect  entitlements and respect wether desreved or not  because they are men and I am not a bully. People should be entitled only to be what they are,and the grounds for this entitlement should be to let others be whatever they are.The bullies need to stop engineering other's identies  ,but there are not enough therapists in the world to heal them to stop them from creating more walking wounded...
Humanity is sick and evil. I want no part of it.
I have tried to die 25 times,after  awhile you realize you are stuck here, and give up. If you find a way to live,you may  find life is one long death  a suffering  with no escape.an invisible grave.The world is full of strife. I cannot ignore it because I was ignored when my heart was torn open.There is no justice in seeking obliviousness.There is no happiness in slavrey.There is so much pain in this life,this existance ,the injustice it overwhelms me I see  love is bleeding everywhere I look... aa mother screaming at her kid in a store,an iraqi child with no arms,cats fed upon roadkilll made into catfood..This entire world it screams with an insanity,a mad wickednes ..a kind of pain that makes no sounds but wounds worse than any other.

I offer this song as my voice a song by a band called Marillion...
I can't listen to it without crying.For this is what my voice sounds like.

MARILLION  - "Beautiful"
(Hogarth/Kelly/Mosley/Rothery/Trewavas)

Everybody knows we live in a world
Where they give bad names to beautiful things
Everybody knows we live in a world
Where we don't give beautiful things a second glance
Heaven only knows we live in a world
Where what we call beautiful is just something on sale
People laughing behind their hands
As the fragile and the sensitive are given no chance

And the leaves turn from red to brown
To be trodden down
To be trodden down
And the leaves turn from red to brown
Fall to the ground
Fall to the ground

We don't have to live in a world
Where we give bad names to beautiful things
We should live in a beautiful world
We should give beautiful a second chance

And the leaves fall from red to brown
To be trodden down
Trodden down
And the leaves turn green to red to brown
Fall to the ground
And get kicked around

You strong enough to be
Have you the courage to be
Have you the faith to be
Honest enough to stay
Don't have to be the same
Don't have to be this way
C'mon and sign your name
You wild enough to remain beautiful?
Beautiful

And the leaves turn from red to brown
To be trodden down
Trodden down
And we fall green to red to brown
Fall to the ground
But we can turn it around

You strong enough to be
Why don't you stand up and say
Give yourself a break
They'll laugh at you anyway
So why don't you stand up and be
Beautiful

Black, white, red, gold, and brown
We're stuck in this world
Nowhere to go
Turnin' around
What are you so afraid of?
Show us what you're made of
Be yourself and be beautiful
Beautiful


Tyger tyger burning bright in the forests of the night........

Thanks for the space..,Panther in the Sky
--- End quote ---


Hi Feline,

I loved reading the raw honesty in your post. My comment about your being transgender is "embrace whoever you are because that's who you are."

It isn't possible to be too loud, too different, too honest. Don't believe them. I love loud, different, honest whatever types. And if you're slightly dysfunctional as well, all the better  :D ! And a feline, cool  :D !

The song was great, never heard of it or them, but yeah, I get the message,be beautiful even in spite of it all. And even if you've got 3 heads covered with acne.

Your cat Rikki, that made me sad, and I had to gave my cat Tom a protective cuddle when I read that. Damn the bastards who did that  :evil:.

I'm a woman fighting for my freedom too. Women, the last slaves. But I do want to say to offer you a very welcome Feline. I'm going back to re-read your post now.

And you say that song epitomises your voice. Then you have a beautiful, yes a beautiful voice and I hope we hear more of it.

CG

Anonymous:
Ooops :oops:  didn't mean to incorporate your whole post in my reply , sorry! I was gonna quote from it but got lost in thought! Duh!

CG

Anonymous:

--- Quote ---an iraqi child with no arms
--- End quote ---


Feline, that image really upset me and still does.  I cried a whole bunch and felt so helpless when I first saw the images.  I donated a bit of money to a good charity because I wanted to help him and other children caught up in the mess.  Of course, it still happens but as in the lyrics to the song you shared:



--- Quote ---We don't have to live in a world
Where we give bad names to beautiful things
We should live in a beautiful world
We should give beautiful a second chance

--- End quote ---


And we can help balance the world.  All these bombs dropping and hands being cut off...I don't want any part of it.  It is especially difficult for *sensitives.*  I have a tape called "Warming The Stone Child: myths and archetypes of the unmothered child."  And one of the things said on the tape is that - however horrible things are and have been - *sensitives* are naturally endowed with a soft, deep flame what will never go out.  And some of the best healers in the world are *sensitives.*


I echo Nic's words - I want to welcome you here Feline.  Big, big welcome.   :)  :)  :)  (that's three smileys from me and the two felines I live with..)

~Dawning.

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