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Anonymous:
Hi Feline it's CG again, :D

I was thinking about your introduction and how you said you're transgender. Now I feel a bit of a dill,  :oops:  cause I realised later I don't know what transgender is. I looked in the dictionary, and nothing there. Can I ask for you tell me pleease?

It's not sex-change is it? I had a male friend 25 years ago who went through a series of operations over a long, expensive, and painful time, and became a full (and might I add absolutely stunning) woman, who made most other woman look like frumps. She was gorgeous, and the way she maintained her perfect grooming. Here was I, getting around with cracked heels and chipped nailpolish, and she could have been a foot model. Anyway, I'm rambling, that's not transgender is it? Sorry I'm a doofas! But anyway, I want to say after making a mess of my first post to you, another big welcome. :D

 :D CG

Anonymous:
Thank you all for responding.
This is a three parter but the thanks are for everyone.
And it's for anyone wanting to read it too.Not just the three people I am responding to.

To the person who was upset about the iraqi child imagry.

I was upset about it too.I wish people would stop dominating and exploiting and fighting. I
My voice is in images..Images ,words,sounds ,smells ,sensations in my perception  intertwine. my unconsious is close to my consious.I can observe the processes of attention and thinking.When I read for a spit second all words look like designs of lines.Than letters appear assembling themselves .When I see words meanings connect and fractal off. So when I reply I have to guess what the person is saying,because I see all these layers at once. Sometimes I guess  the wrong layers of meaning and people look at me like I got three heads covered with zits.

However I know what you mean about the staying power of images.I read about this kid from  a news article online and it was like a knife right between the ribcage. I can't ignore events in this world because I can feel it through the Earth anyway.I am vilagent because I feel vunerable alot and I sense pain around me,I like to be aware of it instead of oblivious to it.I've been told all kinds of self serving "solutions" that were just wishes to rid me of my  intensity,my desire to empathize and listen when people who rather not be bothered get upset at my sensitivity.. All they want is for me to shuddup,and  ignore all I am feeling  because it's intense I must tone it down or speak indirectly. They ask me  why I read about these horrible things iif it just gets me upset, why not go do something ellse'fun'? Looks to me like (they'd rather fake empathy saying I look so frazzled  than to risk really listening).Sometimes I getThat sick response especially from  people who want me to be like them, or cater to them by negating myself...This is  never said honestly or directly... but it 's intent is implied explicitly,  Which is thier demand that I forget about what hurts me,play the game of pretend with them and deny my own expression of empathy  because it's inconvienent  for them to stop and listen.In effect  they are saying I don't wanna bother to care about others' pain  and listen to your response to other people's  pain and traumas halfway across the globe because I'd rather be the center of attention..You are  raining on my parade ..it's just disgusting when the person  is saying it because they just want control.
So if its any consolation I hate domination,colonialism, war,power,culture,insecurity,competition,survival , greed and all the things that people do that is evil.
Abuse and power turns so many people rancid.It's shameful they can go on denying the unexuseable evil in harming  an innocent totally uninvolved ,blameless  kid..There is no exuse for war,no sane rationale exists for adults harming kids in a threatening mob rushing on orders from a jackass who will not ever be shot at, to steal a country from under the people living on it..nothing! war is just perverse.The creator who designed this world to be'balanced' by death is evil .This inherent flaw that forces life to exist by feeding off the death of the living around itself is evil.it's wrong.

For the person who was angry at the murdering bastards who killed my catfriend Rikki.

Take comfort ,I cursed those bullies and in the course of about 2 years,thier lives fell apart.One ended up in jail,another died,another was sent to a group home,and the last one got injured in an accident so he can't harm anyone anymore or kill any cats now.
I cried out to the catspirits  for them to be forced feel what they had done as if it was they themselves,as the cat spirits sawfit... And it happened.But it took me 20 years to come to terms with his death.Because I could not save him. He was killed in front of me.I was held down by older boys. I felt guilty for along time,Like I had let Rikki down. But Since than I have come to the understanding that  It was not my fault I was smaller than those jerks were that  I was not strong enough at that time physically to knock the bullies off of me,or rip the ropes they put on my hands and save Riikki from them.I was just a kid in a horrible situation.I wasent superman.It's not my fault but I wish I was the one hung,instead of Rikki He was such a wonder..that cat.My midnight panther fuzzybutt of my dreams come true....I still miss that furbucket.I got three fur babies now,A siamese singapura named Sparkle,A roly poly 17 pound lion cat cream tabby Rustle,and A black mini panther,with glittering  topaz eyes,who steals straws.. Vinnie.I love them so much ..They are the meaning of wonderful.
I spell love -C-A-T-


For the person asking about transpeople.

I am a bit different than a transperson,I am an androgynous transperson which means I am genderless.Both and niether. In public I get sirred and mam'ed. People call me a man and a woman,and it changes based in how they see me themself. I don't have a gender. I am me.
As for sexual preferences I am pretty asexual,but I don't prefer men or women in whom I relate to.I'm lucky if I'm close to anyone.What's wierd is I am very social,I don't have shy problems,and people tend to like me,but I never get too close. But they feel close to me. I am bisexual so I don't care if a person is biologiclly male or female or trans.I am more interested in what is in thier heart,character, mind and spirit. Sexuality is one of the last things on my list.I have a hubby he is pretty asexual  too and he is also  bisexual. We relate on a deep emotional and heart level.Our relationship is pretty unique.He is also very respectful of me,kind and gentle.He isn't controlling or stuck on himself.He is a musician.And he too is a cat lover freak.

I do plan to get surgury to remove my boobs.I hate this udder cats don't have big swollen udders when there are no kittens. Sooner this udder  is off of me the better.I have already had a hysterectomy.It was a wonderful thing to walk through the tampon isle one last time realizing I would never-ever-ever bleed again.I do not plan on getting a phalloplasty tho.I am not interested in being a man.Besides phalloplasty surgury is really lacking.The penisses that they can do for female to male transgenders stinks it looks weird it doesent function..and the operation is very very dangerousd,they have to basically build a bladder stem through your hormonally enlarged clitoris and hope it doesent leak.
However I look masculine like.I am tall and strong I wear alot of leather,and capes,I wear a big mowhawk too.. but it's more of a cascade of colorful hair somewhat like a horses mane.Shorter in the front kinda spikey and long to my mid back behind my hair is wavy so it looks kinda different..The sides of my head are shaved bare.I have a pierced nose and brow.
I plan on getting rainbow tiger stripes tattooed all over my body (including my face) someday,and eventually some fang implants and whisker peirces. (if i win the lotto that is) Maybe even my ears pointed and some facial implants to change my face into a more feline shape. I don't see this happening very soon I have no insurance,no income I live in my moms basement with my hubby scraping by.
I hate money,I hate not having it.Especially when so much of it is wasted on building more effective ways of murdering.I hate the systems of control and dominaion dictating who does what,what I deserve or don't,or how I live,trying to control who I am,by clutching the purse strings just to build more bombs...Things would be so much better if money and dominance  wasent valued over happiness or a good quality of life in this world . I can do art I can do costuming metal casting ,murals,graphics..beads.I write  see :
http://www.unknownnews.net/archives.html.
Scroll down the page to "U" and look at Underground Panther in the Sky..those are my writings.

I have alot to share but  I cannot imagine running a small  business,I can't even remember to eat sometimes.I have 48 people inside here.It's a wonder I can get myself organized enough to put on my boots right some days. But how will I ever be comfortable in this body that is so painful?I don't know if I can ever feel safe enough being alive in this crazy world  to heal my soul and mind without changing myself to reclaim some of what was taken and destoyed by those who wanted to take what was not thiers..
Most people who hear about transpeople flip out if a transgender person says they are  the opposite gender..to them a gender switch  is unimaginable..To,me,I want to be niether gender and If I can  I don't even want to  look human anymore.This to alot of people is inconcievable.People are taught the binary gender game from birth.
Plastic surgeons do not do radical  or different surgery if what the client requests is outside of the"norms" of this sick culture. Luckily norms change,but very very slowly.Sex reassignments are as 'radical' as most people's minds can  get around.. and not many plastic surgeons  are willing to even do sex reassignments. So getting a surgeon willing to do the types of body modification I find beautiful is nary impossible unless I become a billonare or something.

Life forced suffocates.Existance hurts..I am so tired. But I cannot rest.I pace like a zoo tiger  day and night with that look of frozen shock one sees on tigers faces when thier spirit is crushed when they were captured and put into captivity..I hate the cages other people put on other people to control them,silence them,make them submit,exploit them,or to crush them down. I am aware I am  in a cage with layers of invisible bars.Some of those bars I have put into  myself because of my  problems and fears and losing my voice ..some of those bars others have put up,some bars were made in the past that still need to be torn away ,some bars are ones this sick society imposes upon me and everyone else in this world system..some bars my parents put there..Some are from school and mental hospitals playing behaviorism games like B.F. Skinner( behaviorism is just S/M in reality).Those bars are scars from  bullies of all kinds. .
I am glad life is not a permanent condition. It changes. It too will pass...

Take care everybody, and thank you for being here..
Feline...under there,and up there somwhere over the rainbow..

Anonymous:
Hi Feline,

I am curious . . . were you born a hermaphrodite?  If so, which gender were you assigned at birth?  Did you have any surgeries to "change" you into someone you didn't want to be?  If you were not born a hermaphrodite, were you born female and inside you feel you are neither a male or female?  I'm curious . . . not wanting to cross any boundaries with you, just wanting to understand you a little better.  

I read some of your posts "Underground".  You seem to be very angry to me.  What has caused so much anger in you?  Was there a Narcissist person or parent in your life?

I too love cats, but I don't want to be one.  I'm also curious as to why you'd like to be a feline and go to the trouble of having surgeries to do this . . .  :?:

You answers would help me get to know you a little better.

Hange in there . . .

Dawning:
Hi.


--- Quote ---I was upset about it too.I wish people would stop dominating and exploiting and fighting. I
My voice is in images..Images ,words,sounds ,smells ,sensations in my perception intertwine. my unconsious is close to my consious.I can observe the processes of attention and thinking.When I read for a spit second all words look like designs of lines.Than letters appear assembling themselves .When I see words meanings connect and fractal off. So when I reply I have to guess what the person is saying,because I see all these layers at once. Sometimes I guess the wrong layers of meaning and people look at me like I got three heads covered with zits.

--- End quote ---


Right away, if you think people look at you like you got three heads covered in zits, look back, I say.   :)

I never thought about that...a voice found in images.  I've always reacting (in my wiser heart, reponded) to the images.  But, you're right, the voice is there.  Maybe I connected my voice to someone else's for so long.  This is a very interesting thing you wrote.  

I feel that I know what you mean about those lines of words.  As a translator, I can tell just by looking at a group of words, what works and what wouldn't.  And when I write in my journal, sometimes it is not only the meaning but the feeling I have when I see the words on paper.  You put it better than I can.  But I feel a camaraderie with you, Feline.


--- Quote ---I spell love -C-A-T-
--- End quote ---


And I love that!  Can I use it?  Sounds like bumper sticker material to me.   :lol:

Those bad bullies!  I feel Rikki is okay now.  He/she needed to go elsewhere and help all the other people in the world who are bullied.  Like a Bodhissattva.  You are here on earth, as the survivor, to be a messeger of Peace.  Concerned about all this fighting.  Of course, you would be.  These are just messages coming to me now.  But I am feeling like I understand.

Love,
Dawning.

Anonymous:
Hi Feline,

Thanks for the link, I went there, and finally found the alphabetical listing. I went to your list of works. Quite a bit you've written. I didn't have time to read any yet, I just wanted to check that I could find it okay. But I will go back. I like the unknown news site. Thanks. And thanks for explaining the androgynous transgender person you are and the androgynous mind/psyche set you have.

I have to say, your hair sounds toally creatively wild. It 's sounds like a brilliant mane. Personally, I couldn't get body peircing done, I'm too chicken. I'm a fairly happy (female) feminist, and guess I'd love a navel ring, but I'm too chicken. A friend of mine had a stud put through her tongue, and she loves it, so does her boyfriend. I think she was so brave, doing something she really wanted to do like that. Not me. Cluck cluck cluck.  :D

After reading your some of your stories here it's no wonder you don't want to look like a human. How those bullies could have done that to your cat is so scary. That part of human nature that we so often try to deny exists.

Look at how a mother cat looks after her kittens. So pure love. Animals don't treat their babies the way some humans do! So who's the animal!

Your hospitalisation experience sounds like it was totally horrendous. Keeping you in a quiet room for 6 months. That's f*#*in' shocking. I'm so sorry and angry that this happened to you. That may sound weak, useless and pathetic from this point in time, after the event, and you've had  to deal with it on your own.  But I'm just wanting to express how it makes me feel.

Your cats sound wonderful, and I'm glad you have a supportive cat-lover husband.

More later,

CG

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