i was just reading this, and it was a real lightbulb moment for me. amazing. for years, my N father confused me the last time i saw him with a "shock tactic". basically, he asked me what how i really felt about my stepmother (his wife), i told him "i love her, but sometimes i think she's a little "off" about what she says"....he asked for clarification, so i clarified in more detail...he asked for more clarification...and on and on, until finally i'd said "well, it was because she said "Bob and i never yell at baby James", when you'd just spoken really sharply to him, which was pretty much a "yell".......well, my father FREAKED out when i said this....screaming, his face changed to this insane person's face that i didn't recognize...he was in my face, pointing his finger in my face, screeching and yelling and saying the most awful, hurtful things to me. it was very out-of-the-blue, unexpected, and i was completely shocked by it. then he'd stop yelling and seem to calm down and say "so what are you trying to say, huh? huh?!", so i'd try and smooth things over and drop the subject, but he'd insist i keep explaining myself, almost as if there were some magic words i should be saying, that he was looking for. but then i'd try to explain again, and he'd start screeching and get all in my face again. it was the most insane thing i've ever experienced, and it went on for hours. pretty soon, my psycho N stepmother (i think she's an inverted N....i told my father i loved her because i really tried so hard to love her back then, just to have a relationship with my N father....all so twisted up), and sexually abusive stepbrother joined in ganging up on me, insulting my then-boyfriend and me, etc. i left at 6:00 am in the morning, after having not slept all night due to this insane carnival of a fight. i called a cab, they came and picked me up and took me to the airport, and i've never seen my father since.
this is what i read just now, and finally, FINALLY, i understand now what that was all about.
http://www.narcissism.operationdoubles.com/narcissistic_shock_tactics.htmessentially, what he was waiting to hear me say was "i was wrong, i'm a piece of s**t, you're amazing blah blah blah", basically grovel at his feet. well, i groveled, but it honestly never crossed my mind to "admit" i'd been wrong to say what i'd said...since what i'd said seemed so innocuous to me (and still does), and i thought we'd been having a heart-to-heart conversation, that he was actually paying attention to me and listening to me...so i made the mistake of trusting him, and then he did that. anyway, it all makes so much sense now.
