Nic, I think I have an explanation/distinction for you about:
The need to get better, the need to recover, the need to nurture self, the need to love self etc. To me, it points to alot of isolation and aloneness
think it is a built in reflex for people to look for other people to love..I love you, You love me is not necessarily a heavy and negative thing.
Getting better is not about being alone – it’s about
recognising that the ‘problem’ is you. That
you can only change you – you can’t change the other(s). And once you change you (and ain’t nobody can really make you ‘get it’ except yourself…therapists, friends can help, but you’ve got to want to get there and do it yourself!) - you start getting better.
It’s putting the responsibility for your mental health on your own shoulders – but that doesn’t mean isolation – only being accountable for yourself. I guess it does mean deep introspection and self-understanding though - which requires some kind of 'isolation'? I’m pretty sure you know all this and much more – I’m just saying the conversation above was on those lines, I think! Once we know ourselves, we can go and relate equally with others..etc etc…I sound like a book

… (6 months ago I would’ve been

if I’d known I’d write this now and mean it, understand it!!! What, all that American psychobabble claptrap? Ha ha! It means something now and I love it!

).
And looking for people to love, yes, I’m sure we are built that way. But that means loving them for
what they are and what we can share with them – not loving them for meeting some deficiency in ourselves, using them to shore us up, or loving them in order to change them into our parents! Ouch ouch (my past just passed before my eyes). Etc etc. Oh can I add not loving them because we want to control and own them, or make them accessories to our omnipotence?

Ha ha. Sorry.
Yes Nic, we’re all in the same boat. Isn’t that great in some ways! I’m not alone!!!

I’m really not!
“You're not used to having someone wait for you huh?"
....
Sorry! Hadn’t worked this one out before (about the breaking that rule) and look what happens!

{EDIT IN: maybe this relates to
memory: validation of (
'What happens when you can't remember..? thread): Nic you sparked my memory here and 10 minutes later - wham - a load of similar stuff floods - memories of similar 'being late/waited for' instances where I was the 'bad girl'. Validation turns the memories around: not a bad girl! }
AND I used to be late for meetings all the time – with colleagues at work, with friends. And I was told it was rude of me, no consideration. Ha! You mean those people really were waiting
for me at meetings? They really
wanted me there? I mattered??! It’s funny how when you have no self-worth that it can look to outsiders as selfishness! Because you think no-one cares about what you do…so you hurt others by neglect….that’s not new thinking for me, I’m very punctual these days, but I have to watch for the other situations where I go into disappear mode.
What is it about this thread that got me going today?! Thanks all. P