This is a topic that always makes me angry. My mom never talked to me about any of this, never. When I was about 12, she bought me book and said I could ask questions. When I tried to ask questions, then she got mad and huffy because I asked questions.
On the subject of first bras, I remember that my neighbor had given me some bras that her daughter had outgrown, training bras. I wasn't allowed to wear them. They were put in the drawer until I was "ready." I was pretty much flat chested. All the kids at school were wearing them, and I wanted to too, so I got them out and started wearing them. My mom had a fit because I did that.
When I started my period, I was too embarassed to say anything, because we hadn't really talked about it. There were two pads in the house and tampons. Then my mom got mad because I hadn't said anything, and she would get huffy whenever she had to buy me pads. She kept pressuring me to use tampons, but I have never been able to wear them.
As for the topic of sex itself, it was never, ever discussed. Topics of sexuality were taboo in my house. We didn't mention those. My mother never talked about birth control with me. She never talked about dating. She never talked about relationships, mostly because all of her relationships sucked.
When I got pregnant, she said, "What about all that birth control we talked about?"
First of all, we never talked about birth control. Secondly, we never talked about sex. My sex education came from books, porn magazines, and the few friends who weren't embarassed to talk about it. I knew how things worked, but I wasn't strong enough to stand up to my boyfriend when he pressured me for sex.
Janet, I've read about parents who celebrate their children's budding sexuality, and that's what I want to do for M. I know it might be kind of hokey, since he's a boy, but still, I think it's important to do that. We haven't sat down and had the big sex talk yet, but we've had little ones. I had gotten him a book so that he could read and ask questions, but we were still with my parents then, and my mother disapproved greatly.
Now, if I could just get him off the whole, "that's the way girls do things" stage he's going through, we'll be in good shape.