Am I being too sensitive?

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lupita,

You've reminded me of a psalm, Psalm 27...
Here is verse 10:  Even if my father and mother (and brother and sister and all my family) abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.

Much love to you, Lupita

Hope

[lighter]

I feel so lonely and so numbed.

So lonely!!!!!!

Ther's always someone home here, Lupita.

::pouring Lupita hot cup of whatever she wants to drink::

You can come here and tell us about the loniless, the hurt, the confusion and the pain.

I watch you grow stronger and become more centered... such a hard journey.  

A very lonely journey.... I know,

 but I wish I'd had this board the first couple time I had to travel it.  

You're not all alone..... and this pain is a symptom....

 of healinng.  

Darnit.  

Why does it have to be so uncomfortable?

because we'd stay stuck where we are if it wasn't.  

That's why.

Soon, Lupita will be giving advice about this on the board and growing through the next stage of learning.  

Sharing her lessons with those who come after.  

I want to say 'chin up' but you may need to sob a bit in the shower first.  It's ok to be sad, imperative that you feel that too.  

Listen to the pain and try to be still with it.

There's a message and once you learn it..... you figure how to counter it and put coping mechanisms in place.  

Self care.... self care.... self care.  

Pretend until you believe you're worth all that time and trouble.  

You are, you know?

When do you go to that dance class again?  

What are you going to wear?

Scruff your face and body and condition your hair.  Pluck those stray eyebrows.  

Stretch and pay attention to the next meal you prepare yourself.  

Make it a little special and let me know what book we're going to read for our new club; )

[Ami]

I am where CB is,in my life. I am standing up for "my space" in the world. I don't want to hurt 'your" space,but I don't want you to violate mine. This is my current lesson. It HURTS. I am sick,right now. It is really hard to be learning a lesson that I should have learned in my teens or twenties. My two sons are learning this lesson,now.. We are learning it together. We talk about how you have to have your own dignity and integrity. There are times when you HAVE to die on that hill.
   I had two incidents yesterday where I trusted myself when other people were telling me that my perception was wrong. i went down deep inside and asked myself about how I felt. I felt that I was seeing things right.In the final decision  I had to honor myself.Before, I did not do this. This is the single reason that I was sick--- mentally and physically.
   It is so, so so hard to heal from it. CB is right-- it is yucky to heal from this ,but you have to. Your life will mean nothing if you don't.
   My next person is  my H.   I am sick inside trying to figure out HOW i can have my dignity with him or IF I can.I know that many people think that I cannot have my dignity and still live with him. You may be right. I just need to walk through the steps to see it.                        Love  Ami

[lighter]

I am where CB is,in my life. I am standing up for "my space" in the world. I don't want to hurt 'your" space,but I don't want you to violate mine. This is my current lesson. It HURTS. I am sick,right now. It is really hard to be learning a lesson that I should have learned in my teens or twenties. My two sons are learning this lesson,now.. We are learning it together. We talk about how you have to have your own dignity and integrity. There are times when you HAVE to die on that hill.
   I had two incidents yesterday where I trusted myself when other people were telling me that my perception was wrong. i went down deep inside and asked myself about how I felt. I felt that I was seeing things right.In the final decision  I had to honor myself.Before, I did not do this. This is the single reason that I was sick--- mentally and physically.
   It is so, so so hard to heal from it. CB is right-- it is yucky to heal from this ,but you have to. Your life will mean nothing if you don't.
   My next person is  my H.   I am sick inside trying to figure out HOW i can have my dignity with him or IF I can.I know that many people think that I cannot have my dignity and still live with him. You may be right. I just need to walk through the steps to see it.                        Love  Ami

I can't imagine you teaching these lessons to your sons..... considering you're cowering in the face of violent outbursts from you NH, who's been allowed to frighten all 3 of you for nearly 20 years. 

You can't stand up to him because he'll hurt your or someone else. 

How the heck are you teaching them these lessons?

[Ami]

Lighter,
  How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.                                   Ami

[Lupita]

My son came to the recue. My son is going to take them out. They will pick me up later to go dancing together. They will have to sit and watch while I have my salsa class.
My borther is the bad one. That makes me feel very very sad. Very sick. I know I have to stay away from him. Survive this visit is going to be less difficult. They are not bad people. My brother is the zomby. Vaknim somby. Totally blind and sour bc of the child discapacity. Deaf. I know that I have to stay away from him. That hurts. I do not have a family. Twilight zone family. My family does not exist.
I imagine that you guys all,  also, have families that do not exist. I feel I am among enemies.

My sister in low just got up and gave me a hug. It seems like she has a heart. I wish I did not have to feel this sympathy for the in low relative. I hate to think that my brother is the rotten apple.

I feel very disoriented. So confused!!!!

[lighter]

Small edit in:

Dear Lupita,

You've reminded me of a psalm, Psalm 27...
Here is verse 10:  Even if my father and mother (and brother and sister and all my family) abandon me, the Board/Lord will hold me close.

Much love to you, Lupita

Hope

[Lupita]

What makes me mad is that I did not enforced my boundaries. I feel bad to do it. Now I understand many things. But my sister in low is selfish and unconsiderate, but not a bad person. My brother enforces his boundaries with me. He really does. I do not.
That is why I am mad today. My brother is selfish.

[lighter]

Lighter,
  How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.                                   Ami

Shouldn't eating an elephant involve cutting and chewing?

[lighter]

What makes me mad is that I did not enforced my boundaries.

I think it makes everyone mad when they realize the let themselves down. 

That's worse than someone else letting us down. 

No sense beating yourself up about it. 

This is a big opportunity to learn and begin doing better.

Shrug it off..... figure out what boundaries you're going to enforce and mindfully go about asserting yourself like an adult who believes she has a right to have her needs met. 

You never really showed them this side of you before so..... it'll take a bit of adjustment on their part too.

You're brother protects his boundaries? 

Fine.

That should make it even easier to enforce yours. 

No guilt. 

Blech... guilt sucks, lol.

::picturing Lupita whirling the salsa accross the floor in a fabulouse red dress and matching red cha cha heels!::

Have fun!

[Ami]

[q
Shouldn't eating an elephant involve cutting and chewing? :



More to come-- My Friend                             

[Lupita]

Something stroke me right now. How come my brother knew about boundaries????????? We come from the same family. My sister has a distroyed marriage, and she is the golden child, I have a failed marriage too. My brother has been married for more than 20 years. He has constantly enforced his boundaires. How he knew something that I had no idea it existed???????????
How????????? Tell me how??????????
My sister is an extremity of my mother, like a foot or a big toe.
But my brother knew a secret inexistent for me. He never gave me credit for nothing. He ganged up with my mother against me.
Why God did this to me? Why my cousin died? Why my borther's son is invalid? Why do I have to be so lonely!!!!!!

[Certain Hope]

Something stroke me right now. How come my brother knew about boundaries????????? We come from the same family. My sister has a distroyed marriage, and she is the golden child, I have a failed marriage too. My brother has been married for more than 20 years. He has constantly enforced his boundaires. How he knew something that I had no idea it existed???????????
How????????? Tell me how??????????
My sister is an extremity of my mother, like a foot or a big toe.
But my brother knew a secret inexistent for me. He never gave me credit for nothing. He ganged up with my mother against me.
Why God did this to me? Why my cousin died? Why my borther's son is invalid? Why do I have to be so lonely!!!!!!

Dear Lupita,

If your brother is NPD, then it is not boundaries he is using - it is control and dominance. There is a big difference, you know?
N's manipulate by intimidation, by bribery, by many methods - whatever works best on the person they're trying to control.
Healthy boundaries do not control others.

When I look at my lown ife and the things that have happened, I know that God did not to these things to me, Lupita.
People do these things. Sometimes I do these things myself when I make bad choices, but I always know it's not God doing it.
And when I have gotten so lonely, those are the times God has been there, if I will turn my eyes to Him.
We each choose where to look.

Love,
Hope

[Lupita]

My brother is different because he was treated differently.

[lighter]

Lupita:

It sounds like your boundaries were crushed by your mother and brother.  They crushed yours in the name of enforcing theirs?

That's not boundarie enforcement..... that's bullying masquerading as boundary enforcement.

Your SIL used to be nice and now she's exhibiting N traits?  That's bc she's been lving with an N all these years.

He didn't get off light. 

He didn't get through his childhood unscathed.  Maybe he's just exhibiting N traits too?

That doesn't mean he's appropriately enforcing boundaries, IMO.

He's just selfish and feels entitled and makes sure everyone gives him what he wants... he doesn't DO much of anything he doesn't want to.

You're expected to sacrafice, that's not right either. 

Work on your own balance and don't try to figure out your brother now, if you can help it. 

You're plenty busy with you right now: )