Dear Axa,
Some of what you're expressing here is tangled up in my own situation with my elderly parents and I haven't quite puzzled my way through it.. yet.
I've married men who appeared to me to be like my Dad in many ways... or at least NOT like my very N'ish mother... and at least one of them turned out to be NPD.
I only wonder in what you've described... are you sure it's guilt related to what you perceive as having abandoned your father?
Or might your attraction to N-men be more about your mother... trying to prove to yourself that you could do what she never did accomplish... to love a man out of his self-absorbed NoNseNse?
I think that may be what I've done

but it may have nothing to do with your circumstances... I dunno.
One thing... when npd-ex was removed from our home and placed under a restraining order, he (deliberately, I am sure) left behind his diabetes meds. The man takes shampoo and everything else a person would need, but not his meds? uh huh. So... I was so worried about him and felt so responsible, that the lady from the women's shelter who'd helped me put me in touch with Adult Protective Services, so that they could look into his wellbeing and see whether he'd be able to take care of himself.
Well, of course he was perfectly fine. Just all part of the role...
(((((Axa))))) wish I knew how to get off that hook.
Love,
Hope
On edit... Having trouble making sense of this here, like one of those "tip of the tongue" deals... but I'm thinking that if you really take a good, realistic view at who you would have become - if you had stayed - the guilt will leave.