Managing Attempts to Intimidate !

[Certain Hope]

Excerpted from The Impact of Narcissism on Leadership and Sustainability
byBruce Gregory, Ph.D.

http://ceres.ca.gov/tcsf/pathways/chapter12.html#introduction



Skills for dealing with attempts to intimidate can be divided into two areas, intrapersonal and interpersonal.

Intrapersonally, it is essential not to react.
This means that reactions of fear, impatience, or anger are not practical. In their place should be patience and curiosity.

On an interpersonal level, responses and questions like, "that's interesting; could you explain that?; or, "I am not clear about that; would you please clarify (or elaborate)?; or, "it seems like there is a contradiction in your logic."
All of these can generate positive results in terms of reducing the control of the narcissistic forces. This is done through the non-reaction, which communicates, "you are not so powerful that you can manipulate me, or us, and distract us from the issue. It is also done through the questions which communicate, "I/we are not afraid of you; we are not leaving the space/situation to your control alone; we will challenge you if necessary; you cannot win through intimidation or disinformation."

Excellent individual emotional boundaries are so critical for dealing with narcissism.
These emotional boundaries prevent the force of the narcissism emotions from throwing an individual off balance.
The emotional boundaries are also helpful in not taking the narcissism's actions or positions personally.
The narcissism, consumed and driven by the grandiosity, feels responsible for everything; therefore, all failures, frustrations, and disappointments are its fault, and are directed personally at it.
In interacting with narcissism, one doe
s not want to fall into the narcissist's world and take what is going on personally.
Narcissism's actions are indiscriminate. They are directed toward any object, person or group that threatens its control, domination and grandiosity.
An excellent emotional boundary system does not allow the force of another person's emotions to penetrate one's own personal space.

Accountability skills are another important tool in the sustainability advocate's arsenal.
Accountability skills, used in group settings, are extremely educational to promote awareness regarding the dynamics of power.
Accountability skills reduce the tendency to be a victim, and provide inspiration and support for persons looking for the courage to successfully challenge narcissistic forces. Accountability creates "space" by obligating narcissistic forces to substantiate positions, communication and behavior.
Accountability skills generate the conditions that require narcissistic forces to take responsibility for their intent or give up their position.

Questions like the following are the medium for accountability skills:

How did you come to your decision/position?
What factors influenced your decision?
Have you considered the possibility that you are contradicting yourself?
Have you considered that you have avoided considering some important factors?
Can you clarify your intent and how it includes the following factors (e.g. your lack of accurate information/your resistance/your unwarranted/excessive criticism (which is actually character assassination)?

Transformation in accordance with principles of sustainability is dependent upon an individual and groups of individuals having and utilizing sufficient trust in themselves and in natural law to withstand the efforts of narcissistic forces to intimidate, mystify, and control major processes of life.
The seeds of empowerment are contained within a world of trust, and its many subsets.
There are many areas in which to develop trust before a persons or persons can amass sufficient power to transform the holds narcissistic forces maintain.
These include: trust in oneself; trust that natural law supercedes the will and tenacity of narcissistic forces; trusting that narcissistic forces at their core do not come from strength, but from desperation; trust in one's skills to empower others by helping them to break down fears into manageable segments, and by asking questions that challenge others to think for themselves, and take responsibility for their positions.

In order to utilize this deep, inner reservoir of trust it is important to have highly developed tolerances for frustration, ambiguity and anxiety.

Transformation often takes a long time and involves complex processes that parallel natural laws obeying temporal factors which are in direct contrast to narcissism's insistence upon immediate gratification. If we examine transformation briefly from the perspectives of biology and chemistry, we will notice that molecular processes continually taking place at the cellular level require heat. Heat is often associated with passion, whose activity is blocked by significant amounts of fear and anxiety.
A leader must to able to facilitate the transformation of fear in others, not react to the fear of others, and contain and transform the fear within herself.
Without this, focus is lost, and it becomes impossible to manifest the necessary combinations of interdependent resources that sustainability processes require.