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The Swan - A Tv Show

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mrt:
I was watching The Swan tonight on Fox. My wife and daughters love the show and I have to admit I have been drawn in.

In tonight's episode a woman was about to go under the knife for all kinds of plastic surgery, and I guess she called her mother for moral support. Instead of support her mother started telling her daughter how crappy their lives were and was basically unloading on her.

I thought  and said it outloud. Wow her mom's an N! Instead of giving her daughter support - she was basically focused on herself!  Her daughter needed her and she just sent her daughter on a guilt trip. The daughter ended up crying and wishing that her mother wouldn't have shared so much. I knew those tears were more than likely,  tears of dissappointment, loneliness and grief that her mother wasn't getting it. How many times have we all felt that way. Mom just doesn't get it!! Her mother was basically jealous of her daughter and couldn't see that her daughter was trying to say "hey mom - I'm going to have major surgery - I could die! - I need your blankin' support!  That show's therapist should definitely have a talk to her about her N mother!

I've noticed a lot of these women deal with N people. One poor gal's dad told her school teachers when she was a child "Not to expect much out of her" This gal's husband or boyfriend was quoted as saying something to the effect that she wasn't much to look at. No wonder these women want to carve themselves up!

This show is a forum itself to the effects that N people have others. These ladies have been beaten down  and they think that they have to change themselves. What a shame for them to have to feel this way.

Have you guys seen the show? Anyone else seen so many N's in one place? Do you guys think carving yourself up is a solution? What do you think these ladies will do to themselves when all the N's attack them? (and you know they will) I don't feel very easy about these ladies' futures.  I feel that they are on a road to bitter futures unless they can learn to deal with the Ns.

Portia:
Hiya mrtraced, I like talking about tv shows but I see very little US tv here. Is carving yourself up an option? No way! I think about my N mother every day, far too much, but I communicate with her very little and haven’t seen her since October last year. The less contact I have with her, the better.

I love HBO’s Six Feet Under. Do you see that? There’s a text-book N-mom in it.  Just been reading again and maybe I’ve got ‘carved up’ wrong. You also said:


--- Quote ---These ladies have been beaten down and they think that they have to change themselves.
--- End quote ---

Ah! Well, they do have to change themselves, because hell, the Ns are not ever going to change! But the ladies do not have to change to suit the N’s agenda – they have to change to recover and find what they’ve lost of themselves.

I heard a quote on the radio by WH Auden. I may have it slightly wrong but the essence is: “childhood is a trap and growing up is understanding the nature of the trap”.

Changing yourself is about healing the inner child and all that: becoming aware of your real vs. false self, how shame and guilt work, dealing with core issues and eventually….transforming (“it is a shift from living our life to get somewhere, to living our life as an expression of our being”).

Tough stuff. Basically becoming a centred, self-aware person on the road to spirituality. I guess some folks never consider how to do all this, they just do it. For the rest of us, there are books, therapy and other good people to help us – thank goodness.

See, if I don’t change myself, I’ll continue to allow other people to beat me up. The moment I realised my big ‘problem’ was in me and not outside me was my first awakening. And it happened about 3 years after I started thinking about what was wrong with my mother and me (mind you, I did it all my own, no books, no therapy, no idea of what I was doing other than thinking and ‘journaling’ as I now know it, so 3 years is probably too long).

I have to heal myself so that I can deal with Ns. Otherwise I’ll spend the rest of my life blaming my mother (and blaming just about everybody else too) and not taking responsibility for my own happiness. I would’ve ended up a bitter, angry old woman who still talked endlessly about how it’s all my mother’s fault. Can you believe that? It’s what made me take some frankly dangerous steps (like telling the truth to other family members) – I couldn’t stand the thought of ‘stuffing’ all that anger and letting it kill me. It’s tough! But there isn’t an alternative for me.

Maybe I answered your question? Sorry it was so long! P

mrt:
Portia,

This show is very unusual. These women hate their bodies because of what people have said about them. They are undergoing Face lifts, major nose jobs, lasik (so they won't have to wear glasses), tummy tucks, liposuction everywhere, brow lifts, eye lid lifts, breast augmentation, dermabrasion, teeth veneers, gum surgery, fat injected everywhere, you name it and they are probably getting it. I would say hundred of thousands of dollars worth of cosmetic surgery! Most of the surgery takes place in one sitting.  They live seperated from their family for three months. They can never look in a mirror. They have to work out for those three months, they have to lose weight. The good thing is that they spend time with a therapist. It's a wild show.
 
The damage that N's do - can cost you a small fortune to try to repair or replace!

No, I haven't seen six feet under. The whole pretense grosses me out. I have an adversion to the whole mortuary thing. ; ) I need to check it out sometime though - It might not be as bad as I think.

Portia:
Oh! Are these real people? They're not actors? If so.....wow! No doubt we'll get the prog soon then! (We usually get everything that you do) Thanks...P

PS Yeah, Six feet under is great if you can ignore the gruesome bits. But then, the gruesome bits are very educational and help with coming to terms with the big D!

Guest today:
Hello,

Yes, I've seen the swan.  The whole show is kind of creepy.  But you're right, one can be drawn to it, kind of like watching a fire burn a house.

What strikes me is the plastic surgeons. Those cocky, so-much-better-than-everyone-I-do-it-on-TV doctors are most certainly Ns.

Unfortunate that these poor women who have often been beaten down in life, end up in an intereaction surrounded by N doctors.

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