Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The Swan - A Tv Show
Anonymous:
Remember that book, Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz or whatever the hell his name was. A plastic surgeon and later a positive thinking guru He said most of the people who came to him for nose jobs and boob jobs and stuff he'd try to talk them out of it, 'cause he'd try to get to the bottom of what was driving them to cosmetic surgery. He said when he got to the bottom of it (hahahaha imagining a much needed bum lift here) the women told him their husbands weren't happy with their boobs or nose or whatever, which was usually the reason they were there. He, the doctor would try to talk them out of it first, and tell them that the person who needed surgery was their husband. He'd recommend Brain surgery!!!! for the husband. He was right.
CG
mrt:
Portia,
You are so right about taking a look at yourself. It is so easy to blame others.
The problem that I have is I didn't understand why I got ill after spending time with my N family. Why I was a nervous wreck - cause I didn't know when the personal attacks or barbs would come. I didn't understand why I would rather not be around them. I didn't understand why I felt like I could bash my head into a wall from the frustration of having to deal with them. I always thought it was me. I thought something was wrong with me. I had people who said they loved me - but there was always something to teach me a lesson, to put me in my place, to get revenge for some infraction. I was beginning to question what love really was. I was beginning to think that it had to have strings attached. That it wasn't really what I wanted. I felt like if they were to die - I wouldn't even care. Then I realized that I just wanted some peace - as Mary J. Blige sings. NO MORE DRAMA!
I don't want to blame anyone. Hopefully in the future I can see more clearly. I do blame myself for being so clueless, so stubborn to identify the real problem. They are the way they are and are not willing to change. I can change for the better and I'm more than willing to change. I'm just angry right now at wasting so much time not figuring it out.
Now I have to deal with the consequences of wanting No More Drama. It is a lonely and weird place to be.
I want to be loved for the way I am - not for what someone else wants me to be.
I think that is what these women on the SWAN are missing. What are they going to do when the N's in their lives don't like the way they are - still?
I feel for them already.
Sorry for getting off on a tangent.
Dawning:
Hi mrtraced.
Portia, I think you are one of the people who has realized the change has to come from within. And congratulations for taking that path. I like to think I am on that road but still at the beginning stages. No, I never had plastic surgery or desired to have it. I think my university education saved me in a way as it was there that I discovered my intellect (and not physical appearance) could flourish without my family's negative influence.
I think some women do "carve themselves up" in an effort to change themselves to be more appropriate-looking to an N, perhaps. Or maybe it is just the endless msgs women get from the media which, in many ways, can be used as a medium to highlight one's already existant Nism. Based on what I know, the N is unhappy with him/herself so plastic surgery is an effort to present a more perfect appearance.
mrtraced, I can see how you see the mother on the show as an N - no empathy or concern with her daughter's intentions. I wonder what the program would have been like if the daughter had suggested that the mother get "carved up" :?:
Here is a reversal: my mother had plastic surgery when I was 12. She pulled the car over on the highway one summer and looked at me with a perverse grin (she still has that grin so it is easy to remember.) Why? I wondered. Then, she took a bunch of medical papers out of her purse and put them in my lap. She explained that she was going to have plastic surgery and just continued smiling. I felt like she needed me to say something and I recall not knowing what she needed me to say but I do remember looking down at the waves crashing against the rocks before she suddenly pulled over. But I did feel like she wanted me to say something. I can't recall if I said anything. I couldn't support her at the time because I couldn't understand why she would want to have plastic surgery. It just seemed another episode of her talking about herself which I was already pretty used to. But the indirect effect may have helped me to accept myself just the way I am as I get older now and deal with aging process.
Last year, she told me about these *botox* parties they have in her neighborhood. Apparently, she can get her botox jobs at a discount. She was really happy about that. I told her, "great, you`re happy."
Oh well...
~Dawning.
Anonymous:
Ah mrtraced. I’ve been clueless for 42 years. Give up blaming yourself too, get angry with yourself maybe but then start to feel better, knowing yourself a bit better – I’m just starting!
Is it No More Drama or perhaps no more drama of the wrong kind, the kind that hurts and doesn’t feel good? Drama can feel good I think! Like a thunderstorm? Calm follows? The drama/strength of really connecting with another person?
It doesn’t have to lonely: be here, at least?
--- Quote ---I want to be loved for the way I am - not for what someone else wants me to be.
--- End quote ---
Three cheers! Exactly!
Those women? I don’t know. Maybe they’ll wake up too, maybe they won’t. But you don’t want to be around them if they don’t wake up – they’ll just flip out or become very bitter and twisted. And no-one can help them wake up! Only they can do it for themselves and that’s very difficult to deal with, if you have a natural instinct to help people. Otherwise you get caught in their internal cross-fire, if you see what I mean. Anyway, there you go, just my opinion.
Oh, you said “It is a lonely and weird place to be.” How so, weird?
And all tangents are allowed! No apologies needed.
Dawning:
mrtraced, you must have posted this as I was replying.
--- Quote ---as Mary J. Blige sings. NO MORE DRAMA!
--- End quote ---
Yeah-ya. I love that album and every single song on it. Thanks for mentioning it. :D
--- Quote ---Now I have to deal with the consequences of wanting No More Drama. It is a lonely and weird place to be.
--- End quote ---
Me too, mrtraced. I think I know what you mean when you use the word "consequences" and I sure know what you mean about lonely and weird. But, somehow, someway, I visualize that *consequences* will be replaced by empowerment. Maybe it is just hard now cause the realizations are coming out like...hmmm....gangbusters. Do you feel exhausted during the day sometimes? I sure do.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, there are people in this group who, by sharing their experiences and thoughts/reflections, etc. have helped me - for one thing - to dig out all my self-help books and focus on them more deeply. Boy, it takes alot of work but it is work so worth doing.
Please don't be too hard on yourself.
Hugs,
Dawning
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