Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The Swan - A Tv Show
Anonymous:
Dawning, I posted and didn't see you up there. Hey, I only 'got' this last October, that it was 'me' that needed to change. So I still revert to: how did I get here? in my mind - and have to drag up all the mother stuff and re-examine it to make sure I'm right...it's a circular process, so the books say. 'Healing the child within' can't recommend it too much.
--- Quote ---Then, she took a bunch of medical papers out of her purse and put them in my lap. She explained that she was going to have plastic surgery and just continued smiling. I felt like she needed me to say something
--- End quote ---
Oh I can see mine doing exactly that! Can I interpret? "Aren't I wonderful darling, aren't you proud of me? Isn't this brave of me? Won't you be so pleased to have a younger-looking mother? Shower me with praise right now!" - coz she must have been feeling a bit down on the ego-feed to even consider plastic surgery. It's the smiling that gets me. They just keep smiling that stupid smile all the time, like their smile will make the world a wonderful place all on it's own. And I guess it does, to them!! I've started spotting The Smile on tv now....and you can see it, if you look. I'd carry on twirling instead of watching tv if I was you, it sounds much more fun. (I liked that image by the way.) P
Portia:
previous 2 Guest posts from me, managed to kick myself out...time I gave it a rest! P
Anonymous:
aha! yes! i saw the show last night and i thought the same thing!! sounds like something my mother would do. i know you're about to have surgery, dear, and you're scared to death, but let's talk about ME. so strange that you posted this...i was going to do the same! did you notice that she had that whole fear of abandonment thing with her husband? i hate him because he cheated on me, but i hope he doesn't leave me? ick. felt sorry for her. hope she dumps his ass. sheesh...i'm taking it a bit personally aren't i? i guess i just related to her.
avery
Dawning:
P, (Portia?) I have Healing the Child Within and that was just the book I was imagining pulling out again as I wrote my reply. :D
--- Quote ---Can I interpret?
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---Isn't this brave of me?
--- End quote ---
Thanks for getting me going here. My interpretation: "Isn't this brave of me? It is something I have thought alot about and I need your approval to go ahead and do it. If you say no, then I won't but I will be very disappointed in you because I need your approval."
She got the figure she wanted. She lost the (married) man she wanted to please. Still now, I feel bad that she went through all of that for someone like him - who brought her home from the hospital and insisted that I give her lots of TLC because she was still under anasthesia. I was playing Barbie's with a friend (who, later, proudly proclaimed to me in front of my friends....."at least my mom doesn't need to get plastic surgery so she can go out and get men." ) Boy, was I embarassed at the time.
Thanks for letting me share this. Anyway, she was into that botox thing last year so maybe she is just one of those people who likes to have that kind of thing done. I am not. Remnants of unhealthy boundaries come up now. Another book: Boundaries:Where You End And I Begin (Anne Katherine.)
Ah....
~Dawning
Portia:
Can’t keep away today.
Dawning you said:
--- Quote ---Portia, I think you are one of the people who has realized the change has to come from within. And congratulations for taking that path. I like to think I am on that road but still at the beginning stages.
--- End quote ---
I’m cringing a bit! Please don’t congratulate me yet – I’m at the beginning too. I was forced to confront it. I got to a breaking point last year of ‘it’s all my mother’ and I wanted to ‘fix her’. I actually had pages printed off about sexual addiction to send her!!!! Then I talked to my uncle (I wasn’t quite that honest about my theories) who said basically, leave her alone, she’s tough, she’s happy, having a great time and how are you? He’s in denial about her seriously weird life (and I guess his too) but he threw it back to me, not unkindly and not intentionally.
But I sat and did the Big Cry and realised it was all in my head, no-one else’s and I had to get me better. I didn’t know about narcissism or any other disorders really, but I found this board by chance and then became an Amazon best customer. Understanding mother has helped me detach even more, but it’s not easy. But there’s no way I’m trying to ‘fix her’ any more. I have to get me better and find out what to do with my life. I’m not working, I want to move away (emigrate?! Maybe) but I have another half and he’s part of my picture too. And I know I have to deal with my stuff kind of before I can decide, because my previous decisions have been based on – all the past. I’m stuck here until I can move to what I really want. I guess I want to circle back now to how I’ve made decisions, what I really want and how to do the things I’ll love (esp.re. work). That may include re-visiting mother again, but only to get to me, not to get to her.
I’ve said this above because I’ve banged on a bit recently about this whole topic and am at risk of becoming the Board Bore about it! So, enough, I’m no more than a beginner and if you can point me in any directions, please do. It’s easy to see other people’s paths but my own is definitely in fog – ain’t that the way?
--- Quote ---I need your approval to go ahead and do it. If you say no, then I won't but I will be very disappointed in you because I need your approval
--- End quote ---
Would she have not done it if you’d have said no? Did she ever not do something because you said no? I’m interested. Mine would pretend to listen but take no notice of what I said.
--- Quote ---insisted that I give her lots of TLC
--- End quote ---
oh so that was your job, not his?! Oh really. Yeah boundaries abounding. Is that a good book re parents? P
And didn’t you have a nice friend?! :roll:
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