The Swan - A Tv Show

[bunny]

mrtraced,

I haven't seen The Swan but I think it's disturbing to see women going to such extremes to please critical, narcissistic people. It's tragic. They can't understand that it's their internal world that needs some therapeutic surgery, and not their appearance.

bunny

[mrt]

Thanks again guys (gals) - sorry I'm from the Midwest.

Re: Lonely and weird.  It's a bit lonely because before I posted on this board - hardly anybody could relate to what I was going through or understand why I just didn't go kiss and make up with my family. Let by- gones be by-gones.  It's hard to tell people "Oh my psychiatrist told me to stay away from them!" Then you get off on the "You went to a psychiatrist?""Why, Are you crazy?"  
No stupid I just went two times and he told me I was fine, but the N's in my life were rage-a- holics and had some very deep issues just by reading a few little emails they sent to me!

It's weird because I  don't know how to feel about all this. A few years ago everything was hunky-dorey  because I in ignorance is bliss - thought it really was. I didn't see the seething coming to the surface.  

Then all of a sudden one day, I opened a can of -  your wife is sh** your in-laws can go to hell,  you're mean and stupid - this is a direct quote from my dad's email - "I've wondered through the years when you were conceived if part of your brain didn't run down my leg, and just left you stupid, and that's the reason you continue to do the things you do to your family.  It's not!!!  Your just plain MEAN TO THE BONE, and that's not the way you were raised, but neither was Samson. "  (What did I do to the family - I don't even know to this day - He's a minister and I love the Biblical comparisions - not - I suppose that is a barb against my wife - a Deliliah?? - What did my wife do to you? - Nothing that I could think of - neither can she.)

He also stated "However your biggest problem right now is ME.  C"**** is my wife, and was before you came along.  If I EVER hear of you insulting her again, or your wife doing it, or your children doing it I'm coming after YOU, so you better pass the word around.  You've drove me to this point, and I personally don't give a rip any more WHAT you think of me.  I love you, but enough is enough.  I'll hurt you."

 My youngest daughter 7 years old at the time,  who is very strong and we salute her now especially - had called my mother a Witch because my mom was in actuality probably acting like one! My daughter calls it like she sees it!  Then they got it their heads that we were teaching our kids to talk bad about them. My Mother brought it up last time I suffered through talking to her.- We have never taught our kids to be disrespectful -

 See I'm trying to defend myself again.  They don't care and they won't listen to my side and they believe what they want to believe.  And this whole situation is just WEIRD to me. I'm majorly perplexed at all this and where it has gone and the threats and the having to keep my kids away from the hostility - all over a lot of weird thinking on their part.  It's just weird, weird, weird.  Who would of guessed my parents would have fallen off the deep end so quickly. I had no idea they were so insane!  I feel I must have been living in La La Land and boy did this wake me up. Now what is weird too is that my brother and his wife got a divorce around this time and they were treated badly by her and her parents.  - why this rage got transferred it to us is beyond my comprehension. Should I feel sorry for them? If they didn't mean it - then why haven't they contacted me in a couple of years or tried to make amends - why do I have to go to them? I did something wrong? I don't think so.  Weird weird weird. I've heard my father can't use his arms anymore (via grandma) due to liver damage caused by cholestorol medicine. It's weird weird weird that I'm talking about him dying and what's going to happen to my crazy mother. I have no feelings. Weird so Weird. I always thought I was very  empathetic and sympathetic to a fault.  But why don't I  give a sh**? Weird.

(okay enough about that - GEEZ - )  

Okay, I'm venting again. When you guys get sick of this let me know. I'm starting to irrate myself!  ; )

Yeah  I agree that Beth on the SWAN should probably kick that loser of a so called husband to the curb. But she's empowered now and says she loves herself and she can let go of the resentment and love him too. BUT If I were her - ONE MORE TIME BUSTER AND (a quote from my WIFE - a Legal assistant) I'LL TAKE YOU FOR EVERY DIME YOU HAVE AND YOU WON'T HAVE A POT TO PEE IN WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU! ( Needless to say my wife keeps me in check ; )

[mrt]

Bunny,
Exactly!

[Anonymous]

mrtraced,

Unfortunately, your parents appear to be mentally ill. I don't know if this was always the case, but it is now. Your father sounds seriously disturbed. So you can feel sorry for him. But keep your distance. He is untreated and dangerous. The loss of your family and your dream of a family is also tragic. The upside is that you're safe and keeping your kids safe.

bunny

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a thread!  Mind if I join?

Are UK folks familiar with the Texas ex-beauty queen dentist who ran her SUV over her dentist husband while he was talking to his mistress in the hotel garage of where the two dentists were married on Valentine's Day?       It came out in the trial that hubby was cheating and wifey wanted to know what she had to do to keep him.  So he wrote a list on a cocktail napkin that included all kinds of plastic surgery. ick ick ick.  The poor teenage daughter was in the wife's car when mom ran over dad.  Check it out on Court TV.

Mrtraced, that email from your dad sounds like a case of your mom saying "sic 'em, boy!" when she was offended by your daughter's comment.   They sound scarier than a pair of pitbulls.  I, too, have taken refuge in a cocoon of idealism and obliviousness.  As long as I was "good/obedient/subservient" then no worries.  But now that we're older and wiser    we can't shut our eyes anymore.   Once we are adults we want to be treated like adults.  And once the grandkids come along the stakes are higher.  I really relate to your story in many ways.  I know it's painful, but you are on the way.  Rage away. You'll be feeling better soon.

Take care, Seeker

[Ishana]

Hi everyone,

I watched The Swan last night too...but felt kinda weird watching it too...like I'm supporting something I don't believe in.

The part of the show I like the best is when they show the "before" pictures.  Thats what normal women look like.  I like them better before they're all "perfect."  I like them better looking real because their bodies reflect their personalities, not some "ideal" image of what a woman is supposed to look like.  It also bothers me that its not structured so that the woman comes to the doctor asking for a particular procedure...it bothers me that they are being submissive to the will of the "program" and the "professionals" about what is best for them.

I like the idea of people getting help...looking the best they can and getting therapy for their "issues."  The usual things...a hair cut, clothes that suit their body type, diet and exercise seem like expressions of a healthy self-esteem.  But I think all the cosmetic surgery is ridiculous.  They even cut up a woman's calves/ankles.  What in the world is wrong with having "thick" ankles?  And what will happen to these women when they get old...will that affect their self-worth?  

It makes me sad that our society is so focused on outward appearances.

Ishana

[Dawning]

P, I'm going to reply to your questions later tonight.  Just a bit of time now but wanted to ask why is this show called The Swan?  Is it only about woman having plastic surgery?  Also, gather that it is *reality* tv.  scary.

~Dawning

[mrt]

Thanks Seeker, You are always encouraging. I appreciate it more than you know.  

Ishana, You brought up a point that I hadn't thought about. These women are being submissive to these egomaniacs. Who are these doctors to define beauty? They did a nose job on one lady that's nose looked just fine to me. Some of their so-called improvements like fake breasts are ludicrous for sure.

 Dawning - I guess the show is called the Swan because of the story of the ugly duckling who turned into a beautiful swan.

 What this show misses about the story, is that the Swan was a "swan" to begin with. She survived the toxicity of her "family" to grow up and become a beautiful Swan despite them.
The swan was just hanging around a bunch of "N" toxic ducks!

The story isn't about taking an ugly duck and carving her up until she looked like the N ducks' IDEAL of a perfect duck, Which is the real premise of this (as you said) *reality* show.

Hey, we could use this analogy on ourselves. Everyone here is a swan learning to be a swan,  and not a nasty self possessed duck trying to fit into a mold we don't belong in.  

Dawning, re: Is it only about woman having plastic surgery?  No, they also get "therapy" and they have to lose weight, and exercise.

They took 16 women. 2 each week. Had them prostitute their bodies - in other words Carved 'em up according to what the doctors felt they needed done  - to comform to the doctors own sense of asthetics.  The two get judged on how successful the doctors work took, also how well the 2 behaved and how much they adhered to the program. They pick a winner and send the other back home into the family that made them so miserable to begin with.
They will then take the 8 winners and I'm not clear yet, but have some sort of beauty contest and the winner will take home cash and prizes?

As Ishana said "what will happen to these women when they get old...will that affect their self-worth?"  Really, what is their self-worth based upon? A house of cards for sure.  I would like to add  - what happens when the surgery needs a touch up? We are talking major bucks here. Will they be able to afford it - how will they feel if they become ugly again or have an aspect of the surgery that doesn't look quite right after time has passed?  

Go to http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/ and see the effects of aging on plastic surgery and some people that don't know how to stop the carving.

[Dawning]

What this show misses about the story, is that the Swan was a "swan" to begin with. She survived the toxicity of her "family" to grow up and become a beautiful Swan despite them.
The swan was just hanging around a bunch of "N" toxic ducks!

Yeah, that is what was circling around in my mind too.  Pretty ironic title, eh?

Hey, we could use this analogy on ourselves. Everyone here is a swan learning to be a swan

Amen to that!

   Dawning

[Wildflower]

Everyone here is a swan learning to be a swan, and not a nasty self possessed duck trying to fit into a mold we don't belong in.  

Wow, mrtraced. What a beautiful (and dead-on) thing to say!!  

They will then take the 8 winners and I'm not clear yet, but have some sort of beauty contest and the winner will take home cash and prizes?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! When are these "reality" shows going to STOP!?!?! Beauty contest? As if they don't feel inadequate enough already?

Thanks for sharing your stuff about your family, by the way. And vent away. I can't get over the fact that your dad is a minister - who says all that crap. How does he treat the members of his congregation??!? Outrageous    .

Wildflower

[New Guest]

Greetings All,

I have not seen "The Swan" nor reading your posts do I want to. I did see "White Narcissis" and cringed. I have dealt and am still dealing with Ns in my life as we will all have to do whether we like it or not.  As my "N" mother said "you deal with what is" and she had a tough life I would not wish on my worst enemy. Thankfully I escaped it. One thing I found by accident I want to share because it brings peace and I found this on the Internet  one day. I find it beautiful each time I read it.

THE  RELAXED  STATE  OF  INNER  PEACE


A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears    based on past experiences

Unmistakable ability to enjoy every moment.

Loss of interest in judging others.

Loss of interest in judging self.

Loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

Loss of interest in conflict.

Loss of ability to worry (a very serious symptom).

Frequent episodes of appreciation.

Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

Frequent attacks of smiling

Increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

Increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.



   Warning:  If you are exposed to some of the above or if    you have some of these traits, your Inner Peace may be so    far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to    these symptoms, remain so at your own risk.

P.S. I hope this says something to all of you (us) trying to grow within ourselves. I know we can do it.

[The Goose]

Old native swaying: O watta gusiam.

I saw that episode too. Sickening - i thought the same thing when that girl was on the phone with her mom. Ugh. I think these shows also expose something in people who are looking for a "thing" to make them happy - they believe that physical appearance will somehow transform them into different people - like the "antidote" to their unhappiness. Saw one show recently (maybe the same one) where a wife was making it seem as if her "extreme makeover" would make her dheating husband "love her" at last. They are trying to fill a empty void in their chests - that no physical change or any other thing for that matter will ever fill. Even filling that void with "self" will never fill that void - as modern theology would have it.

Another thing that we dont discuss too much out here that these shows feed - is the other side of narcissism - the physical narcissist (the correct term please?). My mom's brother walked away from his childhood with an obsession with his body. he is 40, still constantly working out - a hairstylist bent on good looks, the perfect tan, and physical health, now married to someone just the same. These shows are like a playground for those types as well if they can get into the contests.

-Rob

[oh]

Oh that was me - Rob -

The native saying means: Oh what a goose I am.

maybe we can say: O wattas wan i ham