LOL Hops - blackmail indeed. Thanks for your direct clarity.
Now Bella - you and towrite are touching on something that my brother actually said outloud to me this week, he said that my mother as well as my father is biased against women. BINGO. He named that elephant in the living room. I finally saw that was true of my father 4 or 5 years ago. (Boy was THAT denial on my part for several decades.) But I never got it about my mother. Why would a woman feel that about her own daughter????? Can you say P-R-O-J-E-C-T-I-O-N?
Boy how slow can I be? I did figure out, almost 20 years ago, that my mother named me after herself so she could take things out on me, sort of like a little voodoo doll. So how did I miss this big one? Who knows.
Bella - here's my name for the "who-gets-the-inheritance game" - CONTROL. After my horrid 10 weeks of struggle with my father's hospitalization and his nasty belittlement of my brother's and me I found myself able to let go of my hopes of inheriting my rightful share from him. It has truly changed my life. I had no idea that I had bound myself to him by that hope. I let it define me and was oblivious to that. I have since realized that I (fast approaching 50) have been waiting for my parents to define my role in life, for them to set my in my rightful place. (Don't rake me over the coals for that. I really had no clue - it was completely unconscious.)
All of my llife, "family" was important to me. I really never, ever thought "family" could be my worst enemy. I never, ever thought I could go from being part of a prominent family (both mother's and father's families) to being a persona non grata. I didn't have any concept of how to become my own person. Now I have to create that out of nothing. Well at least I am free, free from the crazy hopes of "belonging" to that destructive "family".
(there I go - hi-jacking again. Well I'm sorry towrite - this topic definitely touches my buttons, this is definitely an area that calls for a lot of work from me. Thanks so much for starting it.)
Gaining strength, do you feel guilty or nervous when you have been independent?
I feel cut off, abandoned, left out. It's simply never been allowed or tolerated. And I didn't want to be left out but the crazy thing is that I was left out regardless. What a waste!! If only I had understood that at age 22.