Oh thank goodness you're ok, lol... Tayana....
I thought the new promotion and move and just everything had you tied up.
So glad that's the case: )
So.... are ya ready for NC?
Sounds like you kind'a......
sort'a.......
are?
The more you let her involve herself in your life, the clearer the toxic results will become.
BTW... on M....
The goal for disciplining him should be: (skip in not in the mood for a child discipline lecture, lol)
**Teaching him to do better next time.... not punish.
**Attaching natural consequences to actions ie.... He cleans the crayon off the wall himself if he drew on it.... as opposed to losing his favorite comfort object for a week, KWIM?
**Assume the best of intentions and talk about what you WANT HIM TO DO..... not what you DON'T WANT.
ie I know you didn't want to hurt Mickey.... we talk when we're frustrated and figure out how to fix the problem or take a break and do X Y OR Z, (something that calms and teaches him how to cope on his own. Reading, drawing..... something he enjoys.) You don't want to keep harping on the action you wish to extinguish or make negative assumptions most of the time.
**Remember that whatever you're modeling for him..... he's going to learn better than anything you say you want him to learn.
Speak to him the way you want him to speak.
Model how to take responsibility when you screw up, apologize and talk about how you'll do better next time....
example... yelling in traffic.
'Oh, mama shouldn't have lost her temper and yelled... what should she have done? Next time I'll be patient and understanding bc sometimes mama gets into a hurry too and I don't want anyone yelling at me... I'm sorry I yelled and next time I'll do better."
Talk talk talk to your child and get him to participate in figuring this stuff out with you.
You want to gain your child's cooperation.... not create an advesarial relationship.
Be creative and proactive as possible. (It takes more energy to teach than to punish, granted..... but well worth payoff)
If you know he's at the breaking point and you take him for an hour of grocery shopping....
who's fault is it if he has a meltdown?
Not his.
No shaming or blame placing.... it's all about problem solving and developing coping strategies that will serve him his entire life.
Calm, consistent mama is what you need to strive to model.
And lastly..... don't impose any consequences you can't follow through on immediately.
Just go ahead and give in when he asks for ice cream.... if you know you don't have the energy to say NO.
That way..... he doesn't learn to break you down and change your NO into a YES. Kids are natural born gamblers and if you do that a time or two.... they'll try all the time cause it's just a matter of when... not if... you'll give in.
Before you know it.... he'll get used to the new routine and rules. I always like to start out a new routine with a bit of fanfare. A shiney new chart with bright stars he can put on himself for accomplishing goals like brushing teeth, making bed, feeding dog, taking out trash, doing homework, reading for so many minutes..... whatever it is you're going to be working on and all the regular stuff too.
::Sigh:: So glad you checked in Tay: )
